7-18
confession: I made snide, hurtful remarks regarding the intellectual prowess of a Verizon worker that were audible in her presence. Granted, I was stuck for nearly 2 hrs with 2 very young children in a busy verizon store while she repeated the exact process I had been guided on the phone to do the previous night by their tech support. But she did it slower and literally at least 5 times over, was indeed not knowledgeable about what she was doing, ignored what I had said was the conclusion of the tech guy on the phone (I needed a new air card. In the end, they decided I need I new air card and gave it to me. 5 hours afterward. And in this last month Verizon has eaten - not exaggerating- DAYS of my life with various misinformation/non-documenting/inefficiencies)
HOWEVER, it was most definitely not Right Speech, not helpful (although it was, practically speaking- they said I could drop off the computer and I could come pick it up later, after a coworker heard my irate and mean remarks, whereas that had not been an option before) to her, to contrary to my intentions to treat others with respect, even given trying circumstances. Surely, this is less trying than being imprisoned by the Chinese or being tortured for non-violent inaction... I deeply regret my immaturity and my children observing my behavior.
Here is where being more mindful in the moment could help me. I loose that whole perspective in day to day inconveniences, hurdles, etc. when my practice is shoddy.
Upon reflection, it also made me think about the usefulness of anger in certain situations (not this one), how it prompts action, and how reinforcing that can be. There IS a place for it, as there is in all phenomenon in life. Buddhism, so far, in my limited studies, has not yet given me a avenue to explore this emotion, other than to care for and respect it and "take care" of it(I'm thinking of Thich Nhat Hanh's book on anger); I can't help but feel that in certain situations, channeling it wisely would make the most of an adaptive element that can go very awry. Just musing to self late night....
I will wake up tomorrow (or rather, today) and start over, hopefully kinder and with more compassion to those who may irk me.
:
: It's hard. I try to stay mindful in all I do. I chant to myself a lot. I keep Buddhist books on hand for any down time. I do walking meditation. None of this is regular, but I make an effort. My children are still very young, and I work a full time job, so I try to make the most out of any down time I have... I'm hoping to make it to one of the local Sanghas sometime soon.
".
Yes, indeed.
It's not easy to be excellent to people when you have a migraine. 
: so thrilled to see all your posts... of course, my internet's been acting up and just now getting to see some... most recently b/c of weather vs. Verizon/Alltel, though, I'm happy to say. Another exercise in patience, patience, patience...
