feb 08 mamas! july is here! - Page 8

[flapjack]

Rynna. We had an incident where my dad's trombone got broken, and that hurt. There will be other bows out there for your violin, though. Put the word out, and it will come to you.

Sarah, I'm downloading pictures now

[smokeylo]

Sarah, I had two really long cycles after getting my period back, so I would bet that you are fine and just dealing with regular pp period weirdness.

Robin did really, really well at daycare today. She didn't cry when I left and had a lot of fun. She's now taking a nice, long afternoon nap. I'm so relieved! I'm feeling much more confident about starting school again knowing she's happy at daycare.

Had a huge fight with DH about housecleaning today. Great way to start the day.

But I did get to babysit my post partum doula client's newborn while she went to an appt, which was absolutely wonderful and quiet and restoring.

Love you guys.

[Dea]

MAMAS!!!
I missed you all!
SO I quickly read through....

Welcome HeatherRenee! I love this group, it's loaded with really amazing Mamas!

Rynna, can the bow be rehaired? Is the wooden part broken or just the hairs? That can be fixed. I too, have an old violin (it was my grandpa's, predates WW2, it's one of my most cherished things) and the bow has lost a lot of the hairs from age, it can be fixed.

Sooooo my vacation. 10 days with my MIL. Oh yes, you can imagine. She wanted Trixie to be her personal trick pony and it drove me crazy. She told everyone how she knows signs and wanted her to show them all. But my stubborn sweet girl wouldn't do it. (I love her so much!) She only really runs through them if I ask her, it's a game we play where I asked her to tell me a sign and she will. But I don't make her do it in front of people she doesn't know. Sigh. Also she (MIL) was just so obstinenet. Telling me how to mother my daughter in front of her friends. Made me crazy. DH doesn't see it, he don't understand why it makes me nuts. We've had a lot of talks about what is acceptable from his mother and what is not. Her having grandmotherly concern is fine, telling me to prepare a bottle for her "cause you know how she is" is not okay. RAR. Anyhow rant off....

Trixie's also started talking with words. She'll sign and talk at the same time. It's pretty cute. So far her words of choice are shoes and dog. We talk about shoes and dogs a lot.

My pregnancy is good. I feel nothing bad, like no sickness or anything. I feel so normal, it's lovely. I do have an expanding tummy, I look like I did when I was 6 mos with Trixie. I guess I didn't do enough crunches! I have to rig my jeans with hair elastics. I'm wondering how long I can get away with that. I don't want to buy any maternity clothes. I feel the baby kick a lot, a real busy baby, like Trixie was!

So my OB appointment I had the day I left was reassuring. My OB is a dream (the one I had with Trixie started her new practice) anyhow my midwife told me that my blood pressure was the culprit for my placental and no fluid issues, although my blood pressure was never that bad. My OB says it was a freak thing, and absolutely not my fault at all. There was nothing I could have done differently, and by all accounts I took care of myself perfectly. So now I dilemma... my midwife and doctor are totally opposite. My blood pressure was never over 140/90, which is the top of the range allowed for homebirths in CA, but not high enough to worry a doctor. I think that plays into it some, but if me hitting 140/90 sometimes caused that much trouble, I'm worried. I still haven't decided about a homebirth or a hospital birth with this babe. Ideas?
AND my stretch marks are growing! Remember how I was excited to get them with Trixie? Yeah you can totally laugh at me now!

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Dea

Rynna, can the bow be rehaired? Is the wooden part broken or just the hairs? That can be fixed. I too, have an old violin (it was my grandpa's, predates WW2, it's one of my most cherished things) and the bow has lost a lot of the hairs from age, it can be fixed.

When I say 'shredded remains' I mean just that. There isn't really enough left *to* fix at this point. : I'm still super pissed at Mike. As if I didn't have enough reasons to want to throttle him, today I learned that the van hasn't been inspected. The emissions sticker is up to date, but the safety sticker isn't. Mike was supposed to have taken care of this back in May.

I really do try to be understanding and thoughtful and such. Whenever I say something or tell him something that's gone wrong in the calmest, least condescending voice I can muster he gets all whimpery like I'm being obnoxious. After I've brought it up a good dozen times and I start screaming, he'll say that I've been screaming at him the whole bloody time. Then he complains to all and sundry about how mean I am to him, I'm so selfish, yadda yadda. Is it really too much to ask that he deal with, I don't know, ANYTHING in a timely manner? Or that he at least TELL ME that he has no intention of doing any of the crap he said he was going to do? Is it really too freaking much? :

Anyway, that ended Real Grownup Time for the day and left me irritated and angry-- hence the current Facebook status.

Dea, I'm glad to hear the pregnancy is going well. I won't laugh at you for wanting stretch marks if you don't laugh at me for being so utterly twisted when it comes to body image.

I learned yesterday that one of my sister's best friends from high school is pregnant and that a teen mom we've known all her life is pregnant with #2. (Well, I guess she's not a teen mom anymore; She got pregnant with #2 on her 22nd birthday. ) I promptly gave my sister a hard time for continually asking me if I'm pregnant; Clearly she was getting vibes from elsewhere. I'm actually kind of excited for her friend, who's a really nice girl with her behind in gear for the most part. I've known her since she was about twelve; It'll be fun to see her raising a little person.

[RasJi7]

Dea- 10 days with your MIL- you are a saint! I am just now starting to understand the setting boundaries thing- I just figured people had the sense to know what is and is not appropriate- oh how wrong I was
Jahmari is doing the words and signs talking too- it's amazing. I am so proud. And Yay for an easy pg so far- although the blood pressure must be worrying- i don't know enough about it.

I found Gund brand wooden puzzles at Ross for 1.99 and Jahmari surprised me by putting the dinosaur one together after showed him a couple times- he is so smart!

I was doing no tv until he was 3 BUT I've been putting this youtube video of India Arie singing ABC's with Elmo during breakfast and today he was trying to sing to it.

Some mornings he rolls over and gets right in my face and says 'hi!' or he will get out of bed and do this little happy dance. i think this is my favorite age yet.

[Dea]

Rynna, I'm so sorry about your violin. I would be gutted if mine was destroyed. I think it sounds like Mike needs a wee dose of reality. Or a big ol' kick in the pants.
I saw your most recent facebook status. Please say it's not so!!!

RasJi7, I know! Boundaries! I know mine where she's concerned, I don't tell her what she should and shouldn't do with her life, but she's not quite there with us! I guess it's 'cause her sons (DH included) just let her dictate their lives, then I enter the picture and I won't let her do that to me, it's a power struggle, and before Trixie it was less of an issue, but now, ahhhh!
Isn't it great how our babes are so smart? Sometimes Trixie will jsut do something that totally blows me away! I love it.

[flapjack]

Dea, if your non-pregnant BP is 120/70 or less, I'd consider the homebirth. If your non-pregnant (or start of this pregnancy) BP is already over that then I'd go straight for hospital. It's leaving you very little room for your BP to climb normally as a result of pregnancy without risking you out of homebirth- and I consider 20 systolic points to be more worrying than over 140/90.

And well done for surviving your MIL. It's nice to have them, but they're best many miles away, I find.

Rynna, are you sure your current lifestyle is actually working? It doesn't seem like Mike is getting it, and you're moving on without him.

Lauren, I'm glad things are going well with daycare

And puzzles? I hadn't even thought of that for River.

[HeatherRenee]

Rynna, sorry to hear about your bow.

Dea, thanks for the welcome. I've enjoyed what I've been part of so far. Just trying to get to know everyone.. at least it's an active group. I've been a part of a couple of groups (on a different site) where noone talks.

RasJi7, that's a great idea! I hadn't thought about puzzles for AJ. I know my older two love them, but I didn't even think about chunky wooden ones for AJ. We don't have a Ross around here... any ideas who would have some (besides Wal-mart.. I hate that store)

Lauren, glad to hear that your LO is doing well in daycare. It's always hard, cause ya never know how they are going to feel being there. Glad she had fun.

[eilonwy]

I'm not really interested in dragging Mike along, truth be told. He's a grown man; I really can't help it if he's slow to catch on. I'm honest and direct, and lately I've taken (once again) to issuing ultimata because he really doesn't get the picture without them. Anything he's failing to grasp right now is the result of his own stubborness, rather than an inability to understand. It's lack of desire on his part, and laziness, and I'm rather tired of both. I've been tired of both for a long, long time now and I absolutely refuse to put my life or anyone else's on hold any longer because he won't get his butt in gear. I have a feeling (feeling? I'm pretty damned sure right now) that if he had no children, Mike would be sleeping on his parents' couch and/or working a job that he despised because his father wouldn't put up with his 40 year old behind moving back in and mooching.

Yeah, I know he's depressed. I know he's been depressed. It sounds exceptionally cold-hearted of me, but I honestly don't care anymore. Mike has absolutely no desire, as far as I can tell, to get better. He won't do ANY of the things that he knows would help (like make a concerted effort at getting a job). He seems to want to be miserable and to relish being the victim. I understand being unhappy and not having the energy to change that, but it's been more than two years now and it's gone on more than long enough. When you have kids, sometimes you have to suck it up and roll your butt out of bed and do the things you don't want to be bothered doing. That's pretty much what being a grownup is-- having to do things that you don't want to do. I mean do I *want* to be up to my elbows in poop every other day? No, but that doesn't stop me from changing poopy diapers. Life's full of poop and sometimes you just have to deal with it, wash your hands and move on-- especially when other people are suffering for it, too.

Puzzles-- Ross and TJ Maxx often have nice wooden puzzles around here. We only have a few here, but Bear's quite the little puzzler. He's not as obsessive as BooBah was about it, but he enjoys them and "gets" it. They have a lot more puzzles at their grandparents' house (BooBah LOVED all kinds of puzzles as a tiny tot) and he plays with them all the time. I've found that this is a great age for shape sorters too, the plastic or the wooden kind. Also toys that you pull on a string-- very popular with kids who only started walking six months ago.

[Teenytoona]

Lauren, so glad Robin is adjusting well to daycare! Good to hear... Boo on the housecleaning wars : we've had those ourselves from time to time.

OOhh, Dea, holy crap, that doesn't sound like a "vacation" to me... 10 days of an imposing MIL. Glad you survived it. I don't know anything about the BP and home birth risk.

Ah Rynna, dude, I would probably be horrible and end up breaking something of Mike's were I in your situation (less out of spite than anger), you sound like you're handling it remarkably well. I don't know how you keep him around, truth be told.

Ras, as others have said - puzzles! What a great idea! I've not really done any with DD, so I have no idea how she'd do with them.

Nice to see you Helen.

HeatherRenee, glad you're here. It's nice to keep the conversation going. I've been dissappointed in other groups, too, but this one keeps on truckin'! I like that.

Nara and the DSC are doing well. I just love to sit there and watch them play together. The DSC have been playing hide and seek with the neighborhood kids alot lately, and now Nara will cover her eyes and say "un, ooo, eee, or, iwe, ix, eben..." I am more and more amazed by her ability to communicate. I should have known with the whole "ah-ah" thing at day four, but wow. This girl really knows what she's talking about - not just repeating thigns. The other day I was nursing her and going on and on to DH about "mommy" vs "momma" and how I much prefer "momma" and DH was giving his imput. Nara popped off, looked me right in the eye and said "mom" *pause* "mee" and then gave me the biggest $#!* eating crinkly grin and started giggling. Seriously... this girl... She's gonna give me a run for my money, huh?

[RasJi7]

Originally Posted by HeatherRenee

I've been a part of a couple of groups (on a different site) where noone talks.

RasJi7, that's a great idea! I hadn't thought about puzzles for AJ. I know my older two love them, but I didn't even think about chunky wooden ones for AJ. We don't have a Ross around here... any ideas who would have some (besides Wal-mart.. I hate that store)

No talking is not a problem with these Mommas! Keeping up is usually more of a problem for me.

Like Rynna said, TJMaxx had some too. Don't know how you feel about target but they had a set of 4 with a little metal rack to put them away on for 8 or 9$. Since you have the other lo's might be worth it for you.

Originally Posted by eilonwy

I'm not really interested in dragging Mike along, truth be told. He's a grown man; I really can't help it if he's slow to catch on.

: That is where my husband and I are at as well. i also know that he is depressed. If he gets help for it he gets help for it... I'm getting my own counseling but not sure how this is going to work since I feel like I am making progress personally with past issues and he is seemingly at a standstill. At some point the word divorce will likely be thrown around but I am very calm about that at this point- maybe when it is more clear to me that my dh is not going to get help I will be ready to put down the ultimatum.



Finger painting is another activity that I am about to try again, last time I tried it wasn't the biggest hit... Can you tell that I have a list of activities I thought would be so much fun to do when I had a child??? I was right about the sidewalk chalk and it is so relaxing for me to draw and create outside too.

So happy my son made the Feb cutoff- you all are really a great group of Mommas to be in touch with.

[Dea]

Helen, thank you! My BP is crazy, it averages to be 125/85ish, I have a lovely case of white coat syndrome, so I can feel it climb on the way to the doctors where I get it done. But I agree with you, I don't have much room, and that really makes sense, helps to make a good choice. I'm lucky that my OB is completely supportive of me having a VBAC and is empathetic to my issues with Trixie, she says she had a very similar birth.

Rynna.... Ohhhh you're in a sticky spot! Sounds to me, (who's completly not a psychologist) that Mike is dealing with more than depression. Sounds a little like personality disorder.... Fun! Did you find your scissors? That might have been a facebook thing, my worlds are running together a little.

[HeatherRenee]

Originally Posted by RasJi7

Finger painting is another activity that I am about to try again, last time I tried it wasn't the biggest hit... Can you tell that I have a list of activities I thought would be so much fun to do when I had a child??? I was right about the sidewalk chalk and it is so relaxing for me to draw and create outside too.

So happy my son made the Feb cutoff- you all are really a great group of Mommas to be in touch with.

We "finger paint" with pudding.. they've got chocolate ~ Brown, Vanilla ~ (usually white), Banana~ Yellow If I could find a natural coloring for other colors that wouldn't stain, I'd use them to make other colors. But, the pudding is safe for AJ to put in his mouth.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Dea

Rynna.... Ohhhh you're in a sticky spot! Sounds to me, (who's completly not a psychologist) that Mike is dealing with more than depression. Sounds a little like personality disorder.... Fun! Did you find your scissors? That might have been a facebook thing, my worlds are running together a little.

I like to joke with people that if they give me a journal full of everything they've done in the past week and an hour with a DSM, I could diagnose them with a mental illness. It's absolutely true, too; Everybody's got *something* "pathological" going on. Mike's depressed, though. His personality is very different from mine, but I don't think there's anything pathological about it. I'm leery of such diagnoses in general (having been diagnosed with many "personality disorders," most of which don't actually apply). He's very introverted and fairly submissive, intelligent but entirely unmotivated, and he's got an awful lot of inertia.

Here's the really irritating part: He absolutely hates it when I'm condescending to him, but he responds almost exclusively to that sort of treatment. This morning he threw a fit at me because I wasn't "talking to him like a person." I said the same things I always do ("I talked to you like a person all week, but you don't HEAR me unless I'm treating you like a child!") and he threw a tantrum which I threw right back at him. When he was finished... he got up and did what I'd told him to do in the first place. If he REALLY hated the condescending tone, he'd have done it a week ago when I first brought it up in calm, rational speech. I'm very, VERY predictable this way; I've been communicating with him the same way for years. I don't know why he's surprised and angered by it every time when I've been doing the same bloody things for as long as he's known me! It shouldn't surprise him at all... but it blindsides him every time because he honestly DOES NOT HEAR me when I talk to him like he's an adult.

And yes, I found my scissors; They'd slid underneath the top blanket.

Originally Posted by HeatherRenee

We "finger paint" with pudding.. they've got chocolate ~ Brown, Vanilla ~ (usually white), Banana~ Yellow If I could find a natural coloring for other colors that wouldn't stain, I'd use them to make other colors. But, the pudding is safe for AJ to put in his mouth.

You are so very, very brave.

[flapjack]

My point was, Rynna, that if it's not working, then you try something different

[HeatherRenee]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

You are so very, very brave.

LOL! It helps that the floor is easy clean up... and that AJ likes baths..

[slgt]

Hi! I'm going to try to catch up on personals later today or tomorrow...DH is moderately laid up with his foot in walking cast/boot thing b/c he has 7 stitches on his ankle. He can watch DD, but is a bit limited in where they can go & she gets bored in her room. Thankfully my parents are coming up tonight to help out - we're kind of house slaves right now.

We had to put our old dog down last week. Nothing specific, just old age, and we wanted his last days to be dignified. He was not incontinent, he could sort of get up & down the stairs, he could still go outside and walk around a little bit, but he had completely lost the desire to go hiking. That was the sign we were waiting for, I guess. Anyways, we're all very sad, and DD keeps signing "dog" and then saying "gone" and then signing, "Where did he go?" It's deeply heartbreaking.

Dea - sounds like our DDs are on the same page, mixing sign & spoken word!

The latest 2 words are "slide" and "corn", both very clearly enunciated, oddly. She LOVES corn on the cob. LOVES it.

Hugs to all of you, nice to "see" you!

[HeatherRenee]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

Here's the really irritating part: He absolutely hates it when I'm condescending to him, but he responds almost exclusively to that sort of treatment. This morning he threw a fit at me because I wasn't "talking to him like a person." I said the same things I always do ("I talked to you like a person all week, but you don't HEAR me unless I'm treating you like a child!") and he threw a tantrum which I threw right back at him. When he was finished... he got up and did what I'd told him to do in the first place. If he REALLY hated the condescending tone, he'd have done it a week ago when I first brought it up in calm, rational speech. I'm very, VERY predictable this way; I've been communicating with him the same way for years. I don't know why he's surprised and angered by it every time when I've been doing the same bloody things for as long as he's known me! It shouldn't surprise him at all... but it blindsides him every time because he honestly DOES NOT HEAR me when I talk to him like he's an adult.

hrmm.. that would drive me nuts.. are you sure it's not something besides depression? Is it just the tone of your voice, or how you say things that change when you "stop talking to him like an adult"?

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by HeatherRenee

hrmm.. that would drive me nuts.. are you sure it's not something besides depression? Is it just the tone of your voice, or how you say things that change when you "stop talking to him like an adult"?

Oh I'm sure it's both. Part of the problem is that he finds it condescending when I speak 'naturally' with him, because my natural speech patterns are... somewhat erudite. He gets upset and thinks that I'm making fun of him, that I go into the conversation knowing he won't understand me and that I'm just showing off. This isn't unique, it's just unpleasant in someone that I have to live with. Unlike a child who'll simply ask "What does X mean?" adults tend to become agitated, so I modify my speech all. the. time. (This is, incidentally, one of the reasons that I swear so much. How can anyone accuse me of elitism when I drop an f-bomb every three words? ) Anyway, that's part of it. When I'm being *actively* condescending, though, my voice positively drips poison. It's really not nice. : I have to walk a fine line with Mike and always have. When I'm not really upset about things but I'm on my A game, I tend to speak to him the way that I'd speak to a ten or eleven year old-- lots of 'reminders' and quiet nudging. He responds very well to this.

I'm just not on my A game this week-- too much work, too many frustrations, not enough getting done. I probably need more Floravital, too. Hm. I think I'll put that on Mike's agenda, while I'm at it.

Okay ladies, some slightly bad news: My computer is going out for repairs today. I thought I'd have a little bit longer, but as it turns out Dell's using FedEx for this one and I'd already scheduled a pickup for Bean's old school computer (which died when the house was struck by lightning a few months ago). Since the FedEx dude will be here anyway, I'll just hand him two computers instead of one. I should have my laptop back in about a week, but by then the new thread will have started (I hope!), so if one of you would be so kind as to PM me a link I'd be greatful. I'll be able to check in from Mike's computer, but I won't be online nearly as much. Have a great weekend!

[Dea]

Ahhhhh potty learning!!

So Trixie has been getting horrible rashes, in 'sposies and in cloth. So bad that I can't wipe her properly 'cause it hurts her. I change her the minute she poops and very often so that she's never wet long.
Right now she is diaperless 'cause it's pretty bad, I went to put her on the potty and she bemoaned it, and then stood up and peed on the floor. 2X today this has happened! ahhhhh!
ideas?

I don't know if it's her diet, she eats fruit, and perhaps it's too acidic, but mostly it's blueberries and melon. Some strawberries but not many at all. No citrus. She doesn't do well with cow's milk and might have a tablespoon on her shared cereal with me.

ideas?