Anyone else struggle with the fact that DH is circed?

[CrunchyChristianMama]

My DH was circed as a baby even though his mother was wavering about it. The doc did not do a good job and cut off a little bit too much skin. While he still functions ok, he does have signs of a too tight circ. I had no idea until recently that these things were because of his circ. Now that I know, I realize why some things in our intimate life are the way they are. I haven't really talked to him about it, but it's started to bother me.

Anyone else struggle with this? How did you move past it?

[benj]

Does it bother him?

I was recently cut (really high) so I can see why it is an issue for you.

[hakunangovi]

I don't think my DW cares, but I have to say that I have struggled most of my life over the fact that my Mom had me circumcised.

[Mrsboyko]

sometimes. it is very tight and i believe that he would be happier if it werent so tight. Plus the scar there. MIL likes to tell us how he kept getting little baby erections and ripping his stitches out. overall though, it is his penis and really all I have ever known, so until he expresses concern I am leaving that topic alone. when we were discussing circ for ds (intact) i did show him some restoration info. not sure if it bothers him, it is kinda sensitive subject, kwim?

[benj]

Originally Posted by hakunangovi

I don't think my DW cares, but I have to say that I have struggled most of my life over the fact that my Mom had me circumcised.

Yeah, I've talked to a lot of guys that have stuggled. To be honest, if I was circumcised at birth, I would probably feel similarly. I still dislike the results even though I had control over it.

[Fyrestorm]

It makes me sad for the little baby he was when he was strapped down to board then tortured and betrayed by those who loved him....

It makes me sad for what could have been both for him and for us

but it is what it is and I deal with it by trying to stop it from happening to others.

[perspective]

Originally Posted by benj

Yeah, I've talked to a lot of guys that have stuggled. To be honest, if I was circumcised at birth, I would probably feel similarly. I still dislike the results even though I had control over it.

If you don't mind me asking, do you regret getting circumcised now? Or are you fine with it? If you are fine with it, if you could go back in time, would you have done anything differently?

[NewDirections]

Originally Posted by Mrsboyko

sometimes. it is very tight and i believe that he would be happier if it werent so tight. Plus the scar there. MIL likes to tell us how he kept getting little baby erections and ripping his stitches out. overall though, it is his penis and really all I have ever known, so until he expresses concern I am leaving that topic alone. when we were discussing circ for ds (intact) i did show him some restoration info. not sure if it bothers him, it is kinda sensitive subject, kwim?

That is awful

Originally Posted by Fyrestorm

It makes me sad for the little baby he was when he was strapped down to board then tortured and betrayed by those who loved him....

It makes me sad for what could have been both for him and for us

but it is what it is and I deal with it by trying to stop it from happening to others.

This is what I feel too. It saddens me that my husband went through that pain.

[benj]

Originally Posted by perspective

If you don't mind me asking, do you regret getting circumcised now? Or are you fine with it? If you are fine with it, if you could go back in time, would you have done anything differently?

I regret not researching the different styles of circumcision. I did not voice a preference and ended up getting cut very high and the frenulem removed. All lot of it is in my head, it is a huge mental adjustment but I am sure it will get better over time. I disliked the way I was previously as well as it caused a lot of problems and I am not entirely sure if they were all resolved. Probably not making any sense, sorry.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

It doesn't seem to bother him at all, but it also didn't bother me until I started researching it. I had no idea that it could be any different. I just wish for both of us it could be different. But, I don't really want to bring it up with him because I don't want him to feel like I'm not ok with how he is now, yk?

[Greg B]

Restoration (non-surgical) is always an option. Granted it is long and tedious, so many will not do it. But it can help and you can stop whenever it suites you.

Regards

[starrynight256]

Originally Posted by benj

I regret not researching the different styles of circumcision. I did not voice a preference and ended up getting cut very high and the frenulem removed. All lot of it is in my head, it is a huge mental adjustment but I am sure it will get better over time. I disliked the way I was previously as well as it caused a lot of problems and I am not entirely sure if they were all resolved. Probably not making any sense, sorry.

What kind of problems?

ETA: Oops, this is SlackerDad; I accidentally posted on my wife's account--forgot to sign her out first.

[Dahlea]

We didn't realize it was even an issue until I researched circ when I was pregnant. Once we realized, my husband was upset, and began foreskin restoration. He too was circ'd too much, and always was upset at his prematurity. Since doing the restoration, we're both much happier with sex. Perhaps that is something you can recommend?

[benj]

Originally Posted by starrynight256

What kind of problems?

ETA: Oops, this is SlackerDad; I accidentally posted on my wife's account--forgot to sign her out first.

Ones that I'd rather not make public.

Originally Posted by Dahlea

We didn't realize it was even an issue until I researched circ when I was pregnant. Once we realized, my husband was upset, and began foreskin restoration. He too was circ'd too much, and always was upset at his prematurity. Since doing the restoration, we're both much happier with sex. Perhaps that is something you can recommend?

I don't think she wants to make it an issue if he doesn't have a problem with it. I think she was asking how she can handle it better. And for that, I don't have an answer...

[kriket]

I do but would never in a million years say something to DH about it. I would be totally supportive if he wanted to restore, but I think hes happy, hes never known any differently (I have) so I don't think he understands the difference.

well, I don't *struggle* but I would be supportive if he wanted to restore. He has a really really tight circ

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by Evie's Mama

My DH was circed as a baby even though his mother was wavering about it. The doc did not do a good job and cut off a little bit too much skin. While he still functions ok, he does have signs of a too tight circ. I had no idea until recently that these things were because of his circ. Now that I know, I realize why some things in our intimate life are the way they are. I haven't really talked to him about it, but it's started to bother me.

Anyone else struggle with this? How did you move past it?

I struggle with wanting what he doesn't have.

Originally Posted by kriket

I do but would never in a million years say something to DH about it. I would be totally supportive if he wanted to restore, but I think hes happy, hes never known any differently (I have) so I don't think he understands the difference.

well, I don't *struggle* but I would be supportive if he wanted to restore. He has a really really tight circ

But I don't mention it, because I am certain he has no clue what he's (and I am) missing.

[emma1325]

Yes, I struggle with it. I'm very happy with our sex life, but wish that he hadn't had to go through something so awful. And I wish I would have had the opportunity to see my husband the way nature had intended for him to look. I feel angry that my MIL took that opportunity away from me.

[SlackerDad]

Originally Posted by emma1325

I feel angry that my MIL took that opportunity away from me.

I see a lot of references like these on circ discussion boards. Shouldn't fathers bear an equal amount of blame? Not to mention of course the effect of social norms, particularly in eras and/or locations when circing was/is near universal.

Alan

[emma1325]

Originally Posted by SlackerDad

I see a lot of references like these on circ discussion boards. Shouldn't fathers bear an equal amount of blame? Not to mention of course the effect of social norms, particularly in eras and/or locations when circing was/is near universal.

Alan

You're absolutely right. I do feel angry that our society allowed and encouraged so many baby boys, including my husband, to be circumcised against their wills. I direct most of my feelings, however, at my MIL because she, to this day, defends the fact that he was circumcised, despite the evidence we've presented to her. She seems to imply that she'd do it again given the opportunity, and we'd be wrong to not circumcise our child.

My husband's dad is deceased and I seriously doubt had any say-so regarding the circumcision.

[Mama2Jesse]

Originally Posted by SlackerDad

I see a lot of references like these on circ discussion boards. Shouldn't fathers bear an equal amount of blame? Not to mention of course the effect of social norms, particularly in eras and/or locations when circing was/is near universal.

Alan

Maybe they should, but there it is. :nana: I get angry at MIL over it, too.

Call me sexist, self hating, whatever, but mothers are supposed to protect their babies, even from their fathers if dad is a dingbat/misinformed/not a nice person. When women fail at doing so... I think we get angry on a herd level, KWIM? Too, the instant I held my boy, I knew I couldn't let anything cause him a moment's pain. Where was MIL's maternal instinct?

And yes, I had to go to war with DH over circumcision. Three days of sheer marital hell. I would have done anything to protect my son, and MIL... didn't even BOTHER.

Mind, my MIL... she wasn't a great mother. So it's not just that she had him circumcised, it's that she was always so disconnected from him. Pardon if this doesn't make sense, it is far too late for me to be attempting coherency. :yawning: