"i hate you!" - Page 2

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by GoodNamesGone

Maybe I was wrong, but when my step son said to DH "I hate you." I piped up and said, "No you don't. You're just mad."

He got mad at me for a moment, then said I was right... he was 6 or 7 years old at the time. I want to say 7. I can't remember if he appologized or not, but it was clear that he was going for shock-factor.

It sounds like your approach was effective and appropriate for the age of the child in question.

[cymbeline]

Mine has been going through this "stage" since he was about 5.5. He picked it up from a kid at school. He's almost 7 and we still hear it whenever he gets angry. It is often followed by put downs ("You're the stupidest mom ever!") or other hurtful sayings ("I wish I had a different mom/family!").

I let it get to me a few times, so he stuck with it. Now I just ignore it. Sometimes (as I lead him to time out), I respond with "I can hear your anger" or "You sound very upset, we can talk it out later."

In general, he is a very intense, sometimes explosive little dude. The only thing that works for us is to not engage his negative behavior. No arguing back, and consequences have to be swift and consistent. He's smart too and constantly trying to figure out ways around our rules ;-)

Hugs, and I hope this is a short-lived phase for you!

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by cymbeline

It is often followed by ....("I wish I had a different mom/family!").

Oh, that reminds me. For a short while, Abigail would say, 'I want a new Mommy' and after she stopped doing that, she went on to say 'I hate you.' Wanting a new mommy, and her own house and her own room came a few weeks before the 'I hate you' phase.

ETA: This in no way was picked up in school or from other kids. This came from her own head.

[LaLaLaLa]

If DD (who turns 5 next week) had this phrase, she'd be using it on me all day long. She doesn't have it yet, so has to resort to a furious foot-stomp and her most-used phrase: "NOBODY is making me HAPPY!"

She's experimenting with blackmail, too, as in "If you don't (whatever... give me a cookie, take me to the park, let me talk on the phone), then I will NEVER NEVER EVER go to sleep again, not for a thousand hundred days! I will just STAY UP and never sleep again!"

It's tough to be little and not have many ways to get what you want.

[MaryJaneLouise]

My favorite answer is, "It's a good thing I love you, cuz it all cancels out." :

When my boys started saying "I hate you" to each other, the other would say the "I love you" thing back

Gotta love kids at the same developmental stage

[Gentle~Mommy :)]

My older boy said this once, out of the blue, and my husband slapped him. Oh MY GOD, it just all happened so fast and we are not spankers but my husband just lost it when he heard my son say that to me.

I cried and my DS cried and my DH was shaking and angry and I was mad at him. We all talked it out later and had hugs and forgave each other.

Anyway, it has not happened since, but I am not recommending this as a remedy at all!! It was terrible