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Instinct?

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 
I've been surprised lately to find myself feeling like my instinct or sense of taking care of myself is often telling me not to nurse my son during the day. He is 4 yrs and almost 4 months years old. He nurses to sleep most nights, sometimes nurses in the night, and nurses every morning. This feeling never happens at night. In the morning sometimes I want to move on with our day and think he can handle that, but that isn't he same as the instinct feeling.

Last month I had a very, very early miscarriage. This started happening around that time. I thought it was my body telling me it needed more energy for healing, but today it felt like something different. I thought of mama animals pushing their young away. It is funny that it happens just sometimes. I thought I was for child led weaning and I am, but maybe what I'm really for is instinct led weaning, and I assumed the instinct would come from my child, not me. Maybe it will come from both.

I'm really curious if anyone else has had similar experiences.

I also want to note that I had another miscarriage when ds was about 2. That one came towards the end of the first trimester, but I had never had an instinct not to nurse ds during the pregnancy or miscarriage, which makes me think it might have more to do with ds's age, than my reproductive state.

Also, I'm 42. I wonder if that has anything to do with this.

The other big concern is this. Today my son today was upset--what is seeming to be part of being 4 and getting the tough lesson that sometimes things just don't go the way he wants. Sometimes he handles that beautifully and other times he gets stuck in a frustrated place. Sometimes when he's there he says mama milk is the only thing that will make him start crying. We talk about other ways, which he is usually resistant to. Sometimes just getting his mind off it seems to help, and one way is playing little computer games on his camera. I suggested several things but that was the one he ended up trying ("I'll try, but it don't think it's going to work.") Well, it did work. But as I watched him doing it, I thought boy I've got him using technology to distract himself from his feelings, rather than snuggling up with a loving person. I'm not sure I like that result. I guess there will be more time to teach him more ways to handle it. I guess the lesson to me is I need to be more conscious about alternatives for nursing.

Thanks if you've gotten to the end of this long post. I don't have many people in my life that would even begin to understand any of this. I hope some of you do.
post #2 of 3
I have had 3 kids nurse past 4 years old and went through some of what you are going through.
I do feel like a lot of it is hormonal -maybe a bit increased because of age -(yours ) I am 43 and am nursing my 2 1/2 year old still.
I feel my instinct or gut telling me to get up or distract him at times -it gets worse when I am ovulating or ready to start my period .
I still try to keep my supply up with herbal teas etc but i work full time and feel worn out at times also-not to mention being 43 !!
Just wanted you to know -its ok .
It is hard to mother without nursing -but it is a gradual expansion and you will find ways to do so.
post #3 of 3
DD is almost 6, DS is almost 2 and I'm 38 and I have experienced this too.

I have had a strong instinct to hide or distract during the day when both kids were 2ish (I'm in the middle of it now with DS). After awhile the urge to run away goes away though.

I think it has something to do with being tiered of being trapped under a nursling all day long, since both kids went through an intense need to nurse at about a year and a half.

But I think it also seems a bit natural. It coincides with the kid's growing sense of independence so maybe there is a biological push going on.

It also might have something to do with the nursing gymnastics that go on at this age too.
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