Almost 4 year old hurt baby...

[Storm Bride]

I went to the bathroom this morning, and dd1 (6) and ds2 (4 this month) were in my bedroom. DD2 (10 days) was sleeping on the bed. A few minutes later, I heard her start crying, loudly. DS2 came into the bathroom and told me he "threw" her on the floor. I was horrified, and asked why. He told me he was mad at dd1 and dd2.

Since the baby arrived, ds2 has completely doted on her. He wants to hug her, kiss her and hold her all the time. We have to watch him for being too rough (twisting her head to kiss her, or pushing her face down by kissing too hard - things like that), but it's been completely unintentional. He's had a total absence of any negativity towards the baby at all. Sometimes when she's nursing, he'll just stand there and look at her, and tell me how cute she is.

Anyway...I won't leave him in the room with her without supervision again. He'll have to come with me to the bathroom in the morning and things like that. But...does anybody have any idea why he'd do that, or what to say to him? I've explained again that dd2 isn't a doll and that it's not okay to hurt her, etc. I pointed out that she was crying because it hurt to be dropped on the floor. I'm just at a loss. (We do have some problems with ds2 wreaking wholesale destruction on bugs, too - sometimes, it's just from handling them too roughly, but he'll also deliberately squish them. It upsets his sister tremendously, and we do talk to him about it, but I also know that's not uncommon for little kids.)


I should also mention that I asked dd1 how dd2 landed, and it wasn't on her head. I looked her over for any bumps or bruises and she seems okay. I'm keeping an eye on her, but I think she's alright. At least she wasn't seriously hurt.

[skueppers]

Take a deep breath and remember -- he's only three. He doesn't understand that throwing his baby sister on the floor could seriously injure or kill her. Even if he understands those words, he doesn't really know what they mean the way you and I do.

His coping skills for anger and frustration aren't all that great yet, nor is his ability to actually USE whatever techniques you may have taught him.

And maybe he's just grouchy in the morning.

Hang in there, mama.

[Storm Bride]

It's a Monday thing. I've been dealing with it for months. When his dad goes back to work, he gets a bit crazy. We try to prepare him the night before, but his grasp of time is still a little slippery, so it's not quite sinking in, yk? He comes into our room, expecting daddy to be there, and gets...strange, when daddy isn't.

I guess I'll just concentrate on making sure he's not alone with her. I know he'd feel awful if he actually hurt her. He's just really, really lacking in impulse control.

[momma_unlimited]

I'm having baby #3 this year and I remember from the last time that I could never leave the baby and big brother alone. Even though they have no sibling rivalry, he would "poke" out of curiosity/fascination... kept a reclining baby chair in the bathroom at all times so I could just pop baby down in there...

I was reading Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Journal the other day and was laughing at Wendy Darling's admonition "I find little girls and fairies have a lot in common, so you must learn to be more patient with them dear one. Fairies are so small, a single feeling fills them right up. So they only ever feel one way at a time which can, I know, make them perfectly impetuous..."

Silly but it helped me relate to why my kids might do some of the things they do.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by skueppers

Take a deep breath and remember -- he's only three. He doesn't understand that throwing his baby sister on the floor could seriously injure or kill her. Even if he understands those words, he doesn't really know what they mean the way you and I do.

His coping skills for anger and frustration aren't all that great yet, nor is his ability to actually USE whatever techniques you may have taught him.

And maybe he's just grouchy in the morning.

Hang in there, mama.

:

I was 2 1/2 when my sister was born and she was less than a month old when I threw her on the floor. I wasn't thinking "I could kill her or seriously injure her.", I was thinking, "Get this baby out of MY crib." (Yes, I remember it.)

Keep close supervision, but don't worry too much- it sounds like your baby is fine, babies are not as delicate as we think they are (yeah, I know, hard to believe when you hold that tiny baby in your arms), and your son is still learning.

[Storm Bride]

Oh - I know they're not as delicate as we think...but she landed only a couple of inches from a chair leg. I'll just stay on them a bit better, supervision-wise. It's awfully hard to do that when ds2 can move so much faster than me, though. I'll be glad when I've totally healed up.

I like the reclining baby seat idea, but there's nowhere to put one in our bathroom...it's very narrow, and I'd have to step over it on my way in and out. I wouldn't want to wake her up, either, so I'll just take ds2 with me next time.

I went through this a little with dd1 when ds2 arrived, too - but she's not as...I'm not even sure what to call it. DS2 is more impetuous, maybe? DD1 was only 2 when he came along, but he's just got no impulse control at all, and he really doesn't know his own strength. He also seems to be taking a long time to figure out about hurting people.

[IntrovertExtrovert]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride

It's a Monday thing. I've been dealing with it for months. When his dad goes back to work, he gets a bit crazy. We try to prepare him the night before, but his grasp of time is still a little slippery, so it's not quite sinking in, yk? He comes into our room, expecting daddy to be there, and gets...strange, when daddy isn't.

I guess I'll just concentrate on making sure he's not alone with her. I know he'd feel awful if he actually hurt her. He's just really, really lacking in impulse control.

For a while I had to leave for work before my son was awake some mornings. It really threw him for a loop every time. I started making a point of waking him up just before I left, or staying as late as I could/W@H for a bit so that I could see him before I left. Even just a hug and a goodbye made a huge difference in how he acted the rest of the morning.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by IntrovertExtrovert

For a while I had to leave for work before my son was awake some mornings. It really threw him for a loop every time. I started making a point of waking him up just before I left, or staying as late as I could/W@H for a bit so that I could see him before I left. Even just a hug and a goodbye made a huge difference in how he acted the rest of the morning.

Maybe I'll talk to dh about that. He leaves pretty early for work, so it might backfire if ds2 can't go back to sleep. I'll get him to try it on Friday, so if ds2 doesn't go back to sleep, I've only got one day of coping with him on no sleep!

And, yeah...I actually remember ds1 getting up after I left, and chasing me down to the bus loop, sobbing, "mommy - don't go - I don't want you to leave"...not my best parenting memories.

I'll try this. Maybe ds2 would cope better with daddy being gone, if daddy didn't just...disappear.

[SuzyLee]

When I was 2 and my brother was a newborn, my mom found me in his crib sitting over him (straddling) with my hands on his neck.

We shared a room (2 bed apt.) and I had climbed into the crib in the middle of the night.

It scared the crap out of my mom. I have no memory of it, but my brother still likes to claim that I tried to kill him

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by momma_unlimited

I'm having baby #3 this year and I remember from the last time that I could never leave the baby and big brother alone. Even though they have no sibling rivalry, he would "poke" out of curiosity/fascination... kept a reclining baby chair in the bathroom at all times so I could just pop baby down in there...

I was reading Lady Cottington's Pressed Fairy Journal the other day and was laughing at Wendy Darling's admonition "I find little girls and fairies have a lot in common, so you must learn to be more patient with them dear one. Fairies are so small, a single feeling fills them right up. So they only ever feel one way at a time which can, I know, make them perfectly impetuous..."

Silly but it helped me relate to why my kids might do some of the things they do.

That quote will give me just a little more patience with my five yr old this week. What a beautiful little way of putting it!

[mamameliaISback]

sorry but there is NO WAY i would ever use a soft approach for something like this. the reason i say that is because in the instance something did happen to the baby in question, what would you do? would you then punish your son who would be confused because the first time he did that, he just got warned?
my dd's (4yo and 2.5yo) know NEVER to pick up the baby or even remotely think about hurting her. i have made it very clear that it is something not to be tolerated or taken lightly by us because there can be serious consequences with mishandling a baby, one that thier baby sister does not deserve to be put through because of lousy behaivour.
the first few times they tried to pick her up, i quickly shouted out NO, gave a very breif and firm explanation and sent them off to thier bedroom as punishment. it took a few tries and now they do not dare repeat. they love thier sister to death but they are too immature to understand that thier actions may have serious consequences on thier baby sister and this is one thing i have to teach them -- and fast. it's not like a "tidy your room" or "backchatting" issue that can be resolved over time.

[jenners26]

My DS1 was almost four when DD was born. He was THRILLED to have a baby sister. But, one afternoon while I was doing dishes (we have an open floor plan, so I was RIGHT THERE) he was sitting on the couch with her (she was laying in the Boppy) and all of a sudden DD started screaming. I asked DS what had happened, and he admitted he BIT her! I was shocked! My sweet, empathtic boy had never done anything like that and I could not believe he had hurt her. At the time, I told him I needed him to go to his room because I needed time to think. I ended up having a conversation with him about it later, and he never did anything like it again.

I would tread very carefully here. You don't want to punish him, and have him end up resenting her...that could lead to more issues down the road. Instead of taking HIM with you every where (you mentioned the bathroom, etc.) I would take the baby. Don't make a big deal about it..."I'm taking her with me to make sure you don't hurt her!" Just be more diligent about making sure she's not out of your sight.

Unless he has a major pattern of violent outbursts, I'd handle it as an isolated event. His way of expressing his jealousy, or some other emotion he can't verbalize yet.