Postpartum intimacy

[ihugtrees]

I am 4 weeks postpartum, and my midwife okay-ed my husband and I to be intimate after the bleeding had stopped. It stopped about a week ago, so over the weekend we decided to try. It was painful, so we stopped, and I was sore for all the next day. I am just wondering...is this pain a sign that things are not completely healed? Will it get better with time, and one day we will start to try and things will not hurt? Or is this something that is typical the first few times you DTD, and it will just be painful when we DTD no matter how long I've had to heal?

[mamatolevi]

IME, it's early and you might still need some time to heal a bit more. it takes time and for a little while it may be a little uncomfortable. Did you tear at all? the tear may have healed but that's brand new skin and scar tissue that may need a little breaking in period.

When you are ready to try again, lots of lube and positions where you can control how things progress will likely be easiest for you.

[savithny]

Breastfeeding can make vaginal tissues very dry, thin, and prone to soreness and injury.

I know that you'll hear people everywhere spouting off about how they had sex in the hospital before they came home and then did it every day from 2 weeks postpartum onward. But I rather think they're the minority.

Take your time, take it easy, and if it hurts, stop, and wait some more.

[Webbis]

I was cleared at six weeks, and the first time is definitely...different. You may be healed, but your body is still getting used to the changes it went through to give birth. There may be scar tissue to contend with, if you are breastfeeding, you are going to naturally be a bit more dry and sensitive.

My advice is to get a good lubricant of your choice, make sure you don't rush anything and stop if it hurts. I found the first time was a bit uncomfortable, the second time much less so, and after that, it was not uncomfortable at all. I only had a small tear, though, so there was not much healing to do or scar tissue to contend with.

[dogmom327]

Not what you want to hear but we tried at 7 weeks PP and it just wasn't working (way too painful). I think we were successful at 9 weeks PP but it didn't feel "good" until maybe 15 weeks PP. Definitely use lube but really, 4 weeks is really early. I know for me, part of it was mental (was having a hard time compartmentalizing the pain of giving birth--it was all I could think about whenever the topic of sex came up) but part of it was definitely physical. I'm 2.5 weeks PP now and I think mentally I'm in better shape this time but I'm actually going to see a PT in a few weeks. I saw her during my pregnancy for pelvic issues (she specializes in women's health) and assured me that she could likely help be get back to normal a little faster this time.

[sarahtdubb]

Sex was painful for me until almost 4 months PP. But once it got better, it was WAY better than sex before the baby!!!

Hang in there.

[ihugtrees]

Thanks for the advice. We did try the lube, and I had a very small tear, but that wasn't where it was hurting...the pain was deeper in, which was strange to me-considering my tear was a labial tear, that is where I expected to hurt.

I guess we will just have to give it time! Sex was so uncomfortable for me from about 16-18 weeks on in my pregnancy, so I was really looking forward to it sans belly...I was able to recover in every other way so quickly that I thought I could jump into that again, too.

[zoebird]

definintely take your time. for us, it wasn't great until a few months ago (kid is 10 months old now). but, we got to experiment with other fun intimacies, so it's not like we missed out. experimenting is fun.

[Sarah W]

We didn't try until 10 weeks pp and it was still painful. It got better eventually, but we still had to go slow.

[momtolivy]

I agree - it hurt for the first few times after, but after a couple of months it was much better. Just b/c it hurts now doesn't mean it will forever - it's still very early. FWIW, I actually found it better (once the pain part was over).

[Quindin]

It is a very individual thing. Only you know when tour body is ready.
I have friends who think that of they don't do what the doctor says and wait until the 6 week appointment, something horrible us going to happen. Crazy because so many of us are ready way before that.

If it hurts at 4 weeks, then continue to take a break. When you feel like trying again, slowly progress to gentle stimulation and finally, penetration with lots of lube and making sure you are very aroused. Sometimes it is better to try just a little bit than to not try at all, in order to get your body accostumed to those sensations again.

[MamaMem]

I am glad you brought this up. I am also 4 wk pp but had a c-sec. I am tighter now than I have ever been. ??? Granted, I was in transition with a pinched cervix that swelled really badly and that is why I had a c-sec. But why so tight??

[Astraia]

I had the same thing, where it felt like further inside (past where i tore) it was a size smaller, like an extra little sphincter that needed to learn how to stretch open.

We tried 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 9 weeks, 12 weeks, and it always hurt at that exact same point. I finally said- screw it, we'll push past it, see how it goes. We did, and it hurt... but then the next time it hurt less, and the time after even less.

So I'm not sure if we had waited that it would have gone away. Probably eventually it would have, but the "just do it" method worked for us <shrug>

[ladyg]

intimacy

Um yeah I know sorry I guess I am weird. But um... everyone makes me feel like we did something wrong cause we had sex about 8 days after birth...

That said, we used different positions than usual and did NOT go for deep penetration, and used lube. We are used to this as I had vaginismus for a long time, so perhaps we have a different way of doing something. I don't know, but thought maybe that would help someone even if its TMI.

[sparkysgirl]

I had a c-section. We DTD at 4 weeks pp, it hurt the first few times. I chalked it up to hormones, breastfeeding dryness and, well, it had been a while, which makes things more difficult. And it did hurt deeper inside, kind of like a knife going in, so I don't think that the pain always has to do with the vaginal birth (didn't labor much at all, babe was breech), must be some other factors coming into play.
relax, lots of lube, patience, a little romance if you can swing it with the new babe around. if you haven't already have a talk with dh about any concerns, ways he can help make it easier, fears, ect. this may help too. and if it doesn't work out again, know that there are plenty of ways to be intimate and for both of you to "have a good time"