I let things go and now I'm overwhelmed

[MrsMike]

In our old apartment, we amassed a large amount of clutter and just generally sucked at keeping the place tidy and happy. We moved a little over a year ago and we vowed to never let that happen again. We did good for quite a while, but we have gone back to sucking at keeping this place neat. Now, I'm not a complete fascist about everything being organized and perfect, but I like a certain amount of neatness/cleanliness and things are beyond my comfort level at this point. Dh's mother was hospitalized in the beginning of April and stayed there for 7 weeks until her death at the end of May. We just plain weren't home much for 7 weeks. When we were home we were either sleeping or going to work. Everything got neglected, things started piling up, stuff got dirty and so on and so on. We've reached a point where things have settled down and our schedules are back to normal for the most part. But, now I'm overwhelmed. I am severely deficient in any type of organizational skills. I swear it's a true brain malfunction as I cannot look at my mess and visualize ways to clear it up and organize it. I don't know where to start. We're in this rut now of disorder. In addition, I've even slacked on making dinner. I made dinner 5 to 6 times per week and I've probably cooked 7 or 8 good meals in the last two months. Same goes for lunch. We can't afford to not make meals at home as dh's employer just cut him back 16 hours (F@%^&! Wal-Mart) and I know we need to get back into the swing of thing.
If anything, can someone send me some magical homemaking dust/energy/vibes my way?

[mich]

I would suggest to start small. A bag for trash and a box or bag for donations. Pick an area to start in, fill one bag of stuff to toss and one box to donate. The donate box goes into the car and gets dropped off on the next trip out (if possible) and the trash goes out asap.

The trick is to want a clean, organizes, calming, happy space to live in more that you want the stuff. If you can do this a couple times a week you will get to a point where it will be much easier to organize the items you do want in your home.

As far as maintaining(much, much later, when your ready for that again), the only thing that works for me is the old "A place for everything" saying. Mess happens, it always will. But If I know where everything goes then I don't get stuck when I look at a mess. I know right away what to do. This goes here, that goes there.

The hard part is when I come across something that I don't know where to put it. Sometimes I have to put it aside and move on. Then a time will come when I have to either get rid of it or find it a home, and that usually involves getting rid of something else.

Start small, don't get stuck or overwhelmed and you will do fine.
Good luck!

[LilyGrace]

: I agree, start small. Set the timer for 10 minutes a day and put three old boxes in the middle of the room marked Trash, Donate, Put Away. Start clearing things and throwing them into one of the three boxes. Later on in the day set the timer for another 10 minutes and put away the stuff in the put away box, empty the trash, and bag up the donate stuff and put it in the car.

Your home didn't get messy overnight, it's not going to get clean overnight. But 10-20 minutes a day can do A LOT to improve it and make you feel happier.

Organizing comes later, but given your description of your organizing skills, I'd reckon to say you organize best when things are out in the open. Use that to your full advantage. I try to keep a 'ready to use' home because things put away drive me nuts. Out of sight, out of mind, and then I forget where it all is. Tv remotes are neatly on the coffee table, cleaning supplies sit out in a basket, sheets are stacked ready to go (flat and pillowcases tucked inside the fitted) on an open shelf. It's not organized according to other people's standards, but they work for my purposes and it's still neat.

[SuzyLee]

If your H is only working 16 hours a week I would put him in charge of it. Have him start with getting trash out of the house, and then with doing dishes.

If you need to, call a friend and ask for help for a few hours.

[AuntNi]

I am so sorry for the loss of your MIL.

Have you heard of Flylady? Her website is: http://www.flylady.net/ I was in a similar situation four years ago. My dad was in the hospital for five weeks, and my mom was staying with us. By the time Dad got home, our house was an absolute shambles. (It certainly wasn't great to start with, either!) I felt like I was going to lose my mind if I didn't get some control of the house, our eating out, and just life in general. Doing the Flylady system (totally free) changed my life in so many great ways. My house still isn't perfect, but it's manageable. And I have tools to keep things running smoothly in just a few minutes a day.

I second what the PPs said about handling it in small chunks of time. When I'm doing a hard-core declutter, I get out three boxes: Give Away, Trash/Recycle, and Put Away. I set a timer for 15 minutes, and tear into a room starting at the door. When the timer goes off, I immediately deal with the items in the boxes, and that's it. Repeat in 15 minute increments whenever you have time.

Good luck!

[cristeen]

When my house gets like this, the very first thing I do is spend an afternoon cleaning the kitchen. I don't deal with any of the rest of the house - just the kitchen. Once the kitchen is spotless and everything is put away, then I can feel better about being able to cook meals, and that really helps with my attitude of being overwhelmed.

For me the next piece that needs doing is the DR table - since that's usually piled high with groceries. Once the kitchen is clean, putting groceries/dishes away from other parts of the house is minor. I go through the house and gather up anything obvious that belongs in the kitchen (food or dishes). Then I work on the DR table, so that we can sit down and eat together. Rarely does this take more than 20 minutes once I'm really *trying*. And getting those two pieces straightened up really helps with the feeling of defeat.

After that point, take one room at a time - and the timer method really helps me a lot. I used to have a schedule... Mondays were the LR, Tuesdays were the sewing room, Wednesdays were the bedroom, Thursdays were the DR, Fridays were the Sun room, the office and the bathroom were DH's domain, and the kitchen had to be done daily. Each week one or two turns of the timer per day would make a big difference - and in a month's time the house was noticeably improved. And at that point, that weekly turn of the timer is enough to clean up any of the week's accumulated clutter, sweep/mop/vacuum, dust and be done with it.

HTH

[zh97]

I use some of the same strategies as the PP, especially getting the kitchen in order. A couple of other things I do:

1. Get all of the "machines" working for me. Start a load of laundry and a load of dishes. While they are going, I work on other things until they are done

2. Vacuum a messy room. Undoubtedly, while I am vacuuming, I will "see" the mess better and start picking things up while I vacuum. This helps to at least see a clean "patch" and usually motivates/ focuses me to clean the rest when the vacuum turns off

3. Take a picture of the room. I discovered this when my 2 yr old was randomly taking pictures around the house. I looked at them and SAW the mess. The mess can so easily become an extension of the furniture, but in the picture, I can TOTALLY see what is glaring and needs tidying.

4. I will order a "pick up" from the Salvation Army, or other thrift store for the following day. Then, I find as many things as I can to donate and start piling them outside my front door. Having them pick up does two things: one it gives me a deadline and two, I feel like I should put out enough to make it worth their while, so it should be more than I can simply put in my car and take. I just did this yesterday in fact. It feels so good to leave the house with a huge pile in front of it and come home to a little slip of paper saying "thanks for your donation". My house ( and I) feel lighter every time.

5. I separate the messes by category and walk around the house once, focusing on each. They are: food/dishes, clothes, garbage, toys and paper/recycling.

6. Cleaning out of pure necessity sometimes helps. A broken glass forces a clean kitchen floor. You probably don't want to waste a glass, but one that helps every time is serving watermelon. I can't STAND a sticky floor/counters so I get to cleaning that mess right away, which usually leads to more cleaning.

7. There have been times, like after having a child in the hospital, that the only way to create motivation is to call a cleaning service and pay the money to have someone come out and do my kitchen and bathrooms. Then, I feel a little push to get the house looking similar.

8. The other thing I do is force myself to stay in one room for a couple of hours at a time. Sometimes I need to stay in the room and not become distracted to really focus on what needs done in that room. I sit and look around, envisioning what I would like to change about the room, sometimes follow up with a list, and then tackle the thing. I only let myself leave to help my LO on the potty (and of course other scenarios that involve bruises or blood) but really make myself stick to the one room until it feels cleaner/calmer.

Hope that helps!

[Crunchy*VT*Mom]

This comment is in no way meant to be snarky -- I'm very guilty of doing this myself which is why I'm commenting on it...

I find that when my house is overwhelming...I come on here a lot.

I would much rather read and post on MDC than start cleaning my house.

So my advice to you would be to read these comments -- then turn off the computer! And go get started.

[MrsMike]

Thanks everyone. I think I will break things down into 15 minute intervals. I also think I'll start taking pics. If anything, it will be nice to have before/after pics to post.

One wonderful thing is that Dh did A LOT of cleaning while I was at work yesterday. He picked up in the living room, cleared off and prettified the dining table and cleared off the bookcase. He also vacuumed. I feel a little less overwhelmed that way. Today I am going to scour my kitchen and maybe the bathroom. That always makes me feel better.

I completely forgot that Salvation Army, Goodwill and the like pick things up for you. I keep putting off getting stuff together for them because I haven't had the chance to get to one of the stores. Plus, there is the temptation to go into the store once I'm there.

Crunchy VT - I do the same thing. MDC is sooooooooooo dang addicting.