No one is happy for us... this sucks. (vent)

[lincap]

So I told my mom and her reaction was "OH NO! LINDA NO NO NO!" Then went on to How are you going to take care of the boys and a new baby on and on and on. Then when she caught wind that I am very happy about this and that it wasn't a oopsie she is trying to act happy.

This is terrible.

So I told my brother (he was at both of my boys births) and he was happy. At least someone is. I know my dad won't care, he barely is involved with my boys, my dad has basically washed his hands of our family for his girlfriends family. One friend I told was happy and asks how I feel, another just shook her head and said "oh boy". Telling my sister is tough because she has had multiple miscarriages, so I am waiting for the right moment. DH's family sucks ass and only wants DH's sister to get pregnant, they want her to have a girl, and we are telling them on Sat (when we will have most of his family together).

I am feeling very little support for this baby, except from MDC. I don't get it, what is the big difference between my first, second or third?? why is this baby so different?

I am really getting upset and am not going to tell anyone IRL until 12 weeks.

Why is it that the "perfect" or "right" family size is 2? Why is it so strange to want 3?

Ugh. End of my rant, until I tell my in-laws on Sat in which I will have a nice story about how they reacted.

sigh. thank you for reading.

[L J]

Oh mama, I am so sorry. I completely know how you feel. My family was so upset with my first that they didn't talk to me for a while. I fear their reaction will be similar this time. Fortunately, I have gained a large, supportive group of IRL friends since then, and I know they will make it easier. I hope you have a similar support group. Thank goodness for your brother.

And, thank goodness for the internet and MDC, because at least we can all be happy for each other through here! It will get better, I am sure. Sending lots of happy-for-you vibes your way.

[mamacatsbaby]

Ugh, so sorry you have to deal with this issue . People can have the most bizarre behavior sometimes. Stress-free for you.

[mum5]

I am so sorry.
Thank goodness for MDC and friends irl, they will support you way more than your family can.
Hope that your sister takes the news well

[VegMomma]

I almost could have written this post. My mom had a toned down reaction, but just keeps saying, "I don't know, Julie. I don't know how you're going to chase those boys around and take care of a baby. I just am very worried about you." Thanks, mom!

The only difference is that my sisters (younger) are super excited. They seem to 'get it'.

The thing is that my mom had three kids, and she said it was the happiest time in her life. Why is she so crazy?!

Vent over.

[fruitfulmomma]

Crashing... sorry you got this. Pretty much the same thing happened when I got pregnant with #3. This lady I work for clasped her hand to her mouth and was like Oh, no. She apologized later, but still. After that I started making my husband tell people, because I don't need their negativity.

[Molliejo]

Sorry to hear that, mama! Some people should really learn how to think before speaking.

My mom was the same way. I told her the news on email b/c I did not want to hear her first, real reaction. When I did finally talk to her she had the balls to ask me if this was a planned pregnancy and then,"Are you going to be able to do this????" Uh. Thanks for your support.

I honestly have no idea why people are considered 'insane' for having more than two kids. Having big families used to be the norm. I think it's nice that my kids will have each other to lean on (this next one will be our fourth).

Hugs to you!

[GearGirl]

crashing also to say that unless they are total UAVs they will be happy when the baby comes. We definitely had this with #3, and people make constant comments to me like "wow, you have your hands full", but honestly three is no harder than two was, and # 3 is just so cute. Both dh and I are madly in love with his sweetness.

[DoulaVallere]

Wow mama, I'm so sorry. All of my friends have been happy, and my 2 sisters were, but my sister's boyfriend (who has been a friend of our family for 10+years) said "woooo boy....how are they going to afford that?"

We're waiting to tell our parents/grandparents...they have already been saying we don't need any more because we can barely afford the 2 we have (which is not even close to true...we aren't on govt assistance or anything, DH has a very VERY stable job, we own our home, etc). I'm pretty sure my mom will be excited (or at least fake it well), but I am in knots about telling my in laws and my grandmother.

And after this one, we'll be in the "upper limit" crowd...no one in either of our families has more than 2 kids except my mom (I'm one of 3) and my gandma (she had 4 but the last one was a total oopsie). I'm already gearing up for the looks and comments when they realize I am serious when I say I want 6+ kids.

We're here for ya! I know it sucks when others aren't as excited as you are. We tried for 6+ months for this baby, and we are over the moon! To have that shot down by people who think they know what is best for your family is unfair and rude. *hugs*

[gcgirl]

Wow, I just don't get that at all. I would never presume that a pregnancy was a bad thing even if it was someone's eighth kid. Maybe they want eight kids, yk? And three? What's the big deal over three? I'm sorry some people are so negative about it. Your brother and your good friend sound reasonable and supportive; at least you can talk with them about it. And *I'm* happy for you!

[Charmie981]

You've turned into one of "those families" that has more than the two kids you're supposed to. My advice is to get used to it, unfortunately. I know it sucks, I've been there, and I'm sure I'm going to be there again if this little bean sticks around. DH's family believes that no one should have more than two children and any more than two is excessive, too expensive, etc. I was an only child, so my family's not much better...

If you have another boy, then be warned, you'll get all sorts of "all boys?" and "oh, I'm SO SORRY" comments. I just want to scream sometimes. I love ALL of my boys and I don't wish one of them was a girl. Would I love to have a daughter, yes, but fate didn't deal me that hand and THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT! I'm a little touchy about it and trying really hard to let go of it. There's this one lady...the receipt checker at Sam's, who has made all boys comments every time I've seen her since I was showing with my third son and knew what he was. It's gotten to where I guess which comment she's going to pull out of her stores before she even says it.

So, all of this is to say, I'm sorry. Find some bigger families to hang out with...I find that families with three, four, five or six kids are much more excited about new babies, even if it is...gasp...your THIRD !

[judybean]

I, unfortunately, can relate all too well.

Except I'm WAY crossing the line with *gasp* FOUR children!! I'm terrified of telling my own parents. I've already heard them say to people (and yes, they *did* say this in a nice way, but still...), "Oh, she thought she wanted a big family, but I think she thinks three is enough..." ... *sigh*

And of course we have three girls right now.. so we'll get comments about whether we're hoping for a boy (we'll be overjoyed with either a boy or a girl, though I can't deny I sort of hope for a girl just for the hand-me-downs we have oodles of)... because obviously nobody would ever TRY for three (or four) GIRLS! Oh! The horror!

I don't know when I'll tell people. I don't want to.

[melshanezach]

Imagine when I tell the family I am going to have (drum roll) my 9th. I am worried but hey wont be raising this baby. Just tell them Babies are a blessing and why would you not be happy about another blessing????

[anjanetteopal]

Originally Posted by gcgirl

I would never presume that a pregnancy was a bad thing even if it was someone's eighth kid. Maybe they want eight kids, yk?

: geesh!

I for one was totally excited to see someone from my last DDC here!

[indigoscot]

crashing to say that when my mum got pregnant (surprise!) with my little brother, my grannie pulled my dad aside and told him no more babies. it's funny how family and in-laws suddenly become experts on the perfect # of kids for you. sorry your family isn't supportive.

g

[<<>>]

I am thinking that I won't tell my family either because of this reaction....
I told a few of my friends IRL who could be supportive. SO just told his mom this morning. She asked if we were happy.... I like that responce. Check to see if were excited or terrified before making a decision on how to react....
When my sister told me last week that she was pregnant, I said 'omg, how exiting... wait... are you okay? are you exited?'
I was going to wait until christmas when I saw my family again to just let them find out... 6 months preggo, I couldn't hide it.... just to avoid months of criticism... but dd is turning 6 oct 30 so they will likely be over for a birthday party... I am ALMOST perfectly content letting them find out then.....

[huskermommy]

s I am so sorry. I will never understand why families do this. I AM HAPPY FOR YOU! : Babies are wonderful blessings that we should all be thankful for!

[zonapellucida]

*bleep* this is why I told NOONE my last pregnancy! This time people will find out when I show or they happen to hear it second hand. Ten cars in the driveway, Life is awesome! Ten kids and you are certifiable.

[genifer]

Ten cars in the driveway, Life is awesome! Ten kids and you are certifiable.

Isnt that the truth! I find it so disgusting! So sad! I dont stop here bc we are done having kids but I saw this and it reminded me of when I was pregnant with my son. We had 9 month old twins when I became pregnant with my son and NO one was happy for us on my side of the family. They werent happy about me getting pregnant with my twins either. Its a sad thing. I love babies and if things had been different for dh and I we would have had loads!!! And I dont care what anyone would have said!

Congratulations by the way!!!:

babies are awesome!!!