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Why won't they just lock her in her room at night? - Page 2

post #21 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
She's not very good at it. Which just means she doesn't care, and sees no reason to sneak.. since she's planning to do it anyway.

But, yes. Two year olds can be sneaky. They just don't hide it well.
Hee, agreed. My DS is pretty obvious when he wants to me to leave at night so that he can play instead of sleep.

But yeah... all of that is very, VERY scary. It makes me think *I* should do more, have more gates up, etc. DS hasn't yet come out of his room and done any of this, but he certainly could if he wanted to. I would probably wake up, but there's no guarantee of that.
post #22 of 90
Have you said things like, "Oh my god, aren't you afraid she'll get hurt or find her way outside?!?" How do they respond? Are they just somehow completely clueless or do they really not see a problem with a 2yo being alone for hours at night and getting into dangerous things? How well do they supervise her during the day?

This sounds neglectful to me -- allowing her to hurt herself repeatedly when it would be relatively easy to keep her safe is just not okay.
post #23 of 90
In addition to what everyone else has already mentioned, I'm wondering why this child is so hungry at night. Is she getting enough to eat during the day?
post #24 of 90
I won't be popular for saying this, but if I knew this family and knew about all this happening, I couldn't not call cps and be ok with myself. This little girls parents are neglecting her - and something needs to be done about it before something happens to her.
post #25 of 90
We had to put a lock on #1 son's door. He got out and got into My husband's medicine, thenthe cats' medicine, then he got out of the house in a bad neighborhood, and we lived on the 2nd floor with rather treacherous back stairs (We caught him before he got away) he ate 3/4 of each of a dozen peaches. He got into so many things so many times that we really had no choice (since he was big enough to climb over a gate and skinny ehough to shinny under if we put it higher in the door. He's old enough now to know better, but we're ready for the little one now. We live in a different house in a better area and have bells on the front door.
I hope these parents are more dilligent in the future.
post #26 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post

with DS though, i slept through it. the morning i woke up to find my 2 yo DS on top of the fridge with hot cocoa mix all over him, was the day i bought a gate to put in his doorway. that way he could yell to make me wake up, play in his safe room, but not get out. that scared me. i tell him that story all the time. he thinks it is funny. it is now, but not then. he was such a monkey boy. DD is the same, but i wake easier now for some reason....
I'm just curious. If the kid can scale the fridge - how is a baby gate keeping him in his room?
post #27 of 90
getting ahold of the razor and cutting herself really scares me! and of course, getting out of the house. This is foreign to me. My two always come and get me before they'll even go in the living room by themselves. I can't imagine them opening the front door by themselves. Sometimes I wish they would go and get themselves a snack! But not in the middle of the night. It's really wild how kids are SO different.
post #28 of 90
I think they should lock everything dangerous up and have her sleep with them in their room. An alarm is also a very good idea. I would also wonder why she is restless at night but they are dead to the world. Perhaps they need to take turns napping during the day so they sleep later at night and can keep their child safe. If they are absolutely unwilling to try to keep their child safe then I do think you should report them to CPS even though that is a terrible solution. The child is in very real danger and they really need to take steps to try to keep her safe even if it is a hard thing to do.
post #29 of 90
Actually to be fair, the OP does not address the parent's level of concern at all. She does not give their response to her offer of help, or any commentary she has heard from them regarding the situation. Now, it wouldn't surprise me if they were unconcerned and turned down her offer based on the original post, but I'm just saying, we don't KNOW their level of concern at all. So maybe that should be the first question. How did they respond when you offered to help?
post #30 of 90
Sometimes people who feel overwhelmed, embarrassed, or judged won't give their true feelings or discuss attempts to fix issues, so I don't think we can judge. Their casual attitude is based on one person's observations. There may be more concern or efforts to brainstorm a solution occurring behind the scenes. Not everyone problem solves by spilling their guts to other people,or asking every Tom, Dick, and Harry they meet what they would do in their situation.

And heck, after having been around these forums for so long, I wouldn't be surprised if this mom has heard it is illegal or abusive to install a lock (or door knob guards) on her child's door. There has been some massive flaming in the past with regards to locking children in their rooms, even for their own safety. She may not have truly thought all the way through what could happen. She may be at a complete loss as to what to do.

Perhaps a letter (if you aren't good at verbal discussion) or a phone call/face to face is in order. Write down talking points beforehand outlining: 1) The possible consequences of the child continuing to get out- CPS, possible injury in and out of the home, including drowning, getting hit by a car, choking, poisoning, falling, getting cut and bleeding out etc.
2) any and all possible solutions you can think of- a mom's helper or friend who will wake up that would be willing to help over night, medical testing/ health issues contributing to the child's frequent waking and the parents' inability to wake, alarms, other sleeping arrangements, other modifications to the room or house (I knew a woman that had a child with ADHD who installed a screen door on her child's room- better air circulation and hearing)
3) other resources she can contact for help- for the parents as well as the child.
post #31 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennydecki View Post
@AverysMomma I feel the SAME way!!! I'm proud and horrified all at once. You want to be all, "No! Don't do that!" but you kind of WANT them to do that because it encourages learning and exploration and....yeah...I'm screwed...LOL (am I allowed to say that on the board? I'm sorry if that's considered cussing)

I thought of something else. This might be a wee bit extreme, but you could call the police. As a formerly falsely-accused victim of the child services system I cringe to say it out loud...but...better that than a dead kid.

I remember the first time my 1.5yo got out of the house - when the people at the end of the walk she'd gone out to play with brought her back to the front door I swear I died a little inside...and put a lock on the inside of the door.

(Yes, my house has latch locks EVERYWHERE - it's fun to watch guests try and get out of the house or into rooms that are locked - they forget...)

Yes....I guess I am also "screwed"....I hate to get in the way of mischeif...but it's hard, when it is mischief that could lead to someone getting hurt, were you not right there, you know? I generally feel better about mischeif making that all siblings take part in...as opposed to a lone kid, up to "no good"...I just remember that with me and my younger siblings...generally when we were all together, we made better plans, a couple of us were nervous nellies, so that usually kept things a bit safer....it's when we were on our own that we got in hot water, thank goodness we were rarely ever without the whole group of us.


As for calling the cops....eeehhuuuuuuuu. I don't know about that...I TRULY do not believe in calling the cops/cps for that sort of things. I just don't think it's anybody's business...there are people who believe that I'm putting my child in ACTUAL physical danger by not having her vaxed, you know?? There are a bunch of things I do that other people might see as "bad parenting"...but they are my choices, you know? Just because they are more informed, doesn't mean that other people like them any better or think they are less awful.

Any time I see a kid without a seat belt, I cringe..I mean, THAT'S dangerous! Especially when I see kisd in the front seat of an SUV or something who are clearly too young to be there...that's really, really dangerous, you know? How do you like people who smoke cigerettes with their kids in the car, and just a TINY crack in the window...GUUUGHHH!! But, do I call the cops and report them? I bet, people who I've seen do that...do it regularly...if not every day...that's horrible, but it's not my business. So...I'm just sensitive to things like that. I think if a person doens't have the guts to say something to the parents faces...they should be ashamed to call CPS...it just puts such a bad taste in my mouth.
post #32 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by thyra View Post
I won't be popular for saying this, but if I knew this family and knew about all this happening, I couldn't not call cps and be ok with myself. This little girls parents are neglecting her - and something needs to be done about it before something happens to her.
This is shocking to me. THis is why I don't have but a very few "friends", this is why we hate people. This is why we don't spend time with anyone outside our tiny little circle of family and friends...this is why we're moving to the woods in a month and won't be sending our children to public school...this is why we are suspicious of people and don't trust peoples motives.

Because you can think that someone is your friend...and meanwhile, they can be looking at something that is happening in your home, with YOUR OWN child and saying to themselves "Oh my, how dangerous and neglectful" and be secretly planning to call CPS on you and bringing a whole world of crap into your life. People these days, seem to have an unquenchable thirst, for fidinging themselves waste deep in somebody else business. It's none of the OPs business...I appreciate her concern, I think everyong is shocked at the way these parents are living with a two year old....but as a PP pointed out...NONE of us have ANY idea what has really been done to try and stop her from getting out and getting into things in the night....even if her mothers attitude seems flippant...maybe, just maybe, she's embarassed or maybe, hows this: Maybe she doens't want to talk about it with the OP, because she thinks that she has a right, as this girls parent, NOT to have to talk about it, just because the OP wants to and has expressed concern. Maybe the OPs concern over the situation caused stress for the mother of this child and she just wanted to change the subject?? huh? Did you consider that??

Everywhere you look, there are people doing bone headed things...sometimes downright DANGEROUS things, with their children....you don't call CPS on the neighbors down the street, whose kid is always riding in the front seat of the car with no seatbelt. You don't call on the lady at work...who only ever feeds her kids fast food, that she picks up on her way to work....come on, people....come on. Parent your own kid....parent. your. own. kid. and let other people do the same. No one is beating this child...no one is starving this kid or molesting her....she is a wily two year old who is getting out of her room at night and getting into things and WE don't think that these parents are doing enough to stop her...okay....but who the hell are WE?

THere is NOT enough information here, to warrant a call to CPS....no one here, including the OP, know exactly what's going on here...It digusts me, to hear people saying this all the time "I'd report them"....ugh. And people wonder why we live in a nanny state in this country these days...


What about mamas here on MDC, who let their children roam free outside??? What about them? Do you think we should all call CPS on them??
post #33 of 90
The first thought that I had after reading the OP is that the kid is sleep walking. Is that a possibility? That it's a medical issue? Maybe the parents have/are seeking help but feel it's a private matter and they're doing as they've been advised? Therefore the lack of outward concern to strangers/people they don't know well. Especially since there seems to be alot of judgenment in our culture.

I also agree with the PP who said there have been threads here condoning the practice of locking kids in their rooms even for their safety.
post #34 of 90
I think the suggestion to call CPS is totally out of line and more than a little scary. You simply don't have enough information to say that this child is the victim of criminal neglect. It frightens me that so many mamas want to toss other families into the machine that is state intervention simply because they disapprove of their parenting choices.

I can say definitively that if someone called CPS because my toddler were an escape artist and I still hadn't figured out a good way to keep her contained at night, that person would no longer be my friend. In fact I would consider them completely toxic and dangerous and we would have no further contact whatsoever.

Yikes.
post #35 of 90
AverysMomma - This child got hold of a RAZOR BLADE and could have KILLED herself on accident, and you think that everything is fine? I sure don't.

FTR - I never said I would call cps without first speaking to the parents about my concerns. I'm guessing the OP has already done that.

I'm very sorry that you don't feel like you can have friends b/c they might call cps on you, thats very sad. I don't live my life around what other people want me to do, but this sounds like a very dangerous situation - and the danger to this child sounds immediate considering the OP says she does this EVERY night. If I was this childs mother I would be doing some things differently and trying to get some help. And, cps doesn't always mean taking children away - it can mean some good serious help for parents who really need it - which these parents might - although thats when cps is at its best which it often isn't.
post #36 of 90
They make these netting tents you can attach to the crib with a zip up flap so that kids can't get out of the crib.
post #37 of 90
Exhausted parents+ two year old is hard enough. Night walking two year old? Oh my.
I would probably take parents aside and say something like "Wow. How scary that must be. Do you want some help toddlerproofing? These little guys are so fast, and it can be hard to keepo a step ahad of them...maybe three of us can outsmart her." Y'know? Because I would imagine they are horrified and tired and don't know which way to go.

Then off to buy whatever is deemed needed (alarms, door latches, whatnot) and have a "You Shall Not Pass" party in which you secure the house.

Exhaustion makes people pretty muddy headed. I am so thankful DH got to working normal hours just before our son was born, I couldn't handle it these days with the small one.
post #38 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by PikkuMyy View Post
They make these netting tents you can attach to the crib with a zip up flap so that kids can't get out of the crib.
Yep, we have one of those. DD is 2.5 and very similar to the little girl in the OP. She was getting out of bed when the rest of the house was sleeping and getting herself into dangerous situations.

We've tried time and again to get her to sleep with us but she won't. She gets up in the middle of the night and wanders. We can't put a lock on the inside of our door because our older DD often gets in bed with us in the middle of the night and would be in a state of panic if our door was ever locked.

DD has actually ripped the netting apart several times to get out of her bed. So far I've been able to sew it and rig it to keep her in the crib but DH and I have already decided that if she destorys the tent, we will remove her crib, get a bed and put a screen door on her room, that can be locked from the outside. I hate that but I don't know what else to do.
post #39 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by thyra View Post
AverysMomma - This child got hold of a RAZOR BLADE and could have KILLED herself on accident, and you think that everything is fine? I sure don't.

FTR - I never said I would call cps without first speaking to the parents about my concerns. I'm guessing the OP has already done that.

I'm very sorry that you don't feel like you can have friends b/c they might call cps on you, thats very sad. I don't live my life around what other people want me to do, but this sounds like a very dangerous situation - and the danger to this child sounds immediate considering the OP says she does this EVERY night. If I was this childs mother I would be doing some things differently and trying to get some help. And, cps doesn't always mean taking children away - it can mean some good serious help for parents who really need it - which these parents might - although thats when cps is at its best which it often isn't.
If you were this childs mother...it would be your place to DO something...you are not, it is none of your business. You want to go on a crusade to save kids who are in immediate danger?? Out there in the world right now, are MILLIONS of children starving, involved in sex trafficking, involved in slave labor....there are plenty of organizations you can join, to better spend your time, trying to "save kids".....you have no idea what these parents are doing for this little girl...they could be at their wits end, trying everything they can think of...and still not have a solution...you have NO idea. I didn't say that CPS was going to take their child away from them. CPS doesn't have to take your kid from you, to plunge you and your family into a hellish life of jumping through hoops to satsifying the state, to make them see that everything is okay. But you never know...some hysterical woman calls up and starts blubbering on about "Razor blades and they just don't care at aLL" and they could decide that this is worthy of taking the baby away. You don't know that. Oh, look, another thing you can add to the list of things you don't know about, in this situation. Meanwhile....has your baby been fed? When's the last time your babys diaper has been changed?? Lets start asking YOU questions about YOUR parenting....because, you know, no one is above suspicion here, I'd like to know what's going on in YOUR home, please....you know, just in case there is an aspect of your parenting that **I** don't think is up to snuff....is your child fully vaccinated? Because you know...some people think it's medical neglect, not to vaccinate your precious child...don't you want her to be safe...?


This is not any of your business, or mine, nor is it the business of the OP. Yes, the child got ahold of a razor blade and cut herself....and you know what? This weekend, I went to check the mail, and my 13 mos old, walked out the back door, CLOSED it behind her and walked away. When I came back up the stairs from the mailbox....I didn't know she had escaped, because she closed the door, as I had left it, to keep her inside....I thought she was still with my DH, DH thought she was with me....then, panic to find her...did NOT ocurr to us, that she could have left the house...found her, finally, at the top of a flight of stairs at my nieghbors house....this child hasn't been walking for a month and a half...we had NO idea she could do stairs..when we put her on them a week or so ago, she had no clue....she could have fallen EASILY and killed heself or suffered a brain injury.....so, how TERRBILE are we?? Huh? Shouldn't someone call CPS??

And NO. I didn't mean to say, that it is because I fear CPS that I don't have a lot of friends....it is not CPS, but rather this THING which people seem to be infected with these days, this disgusting and irrepressable urge that people seem to have, to blur the boundries of social relationships and live comfortably in this nanny state, where government is holy and can do as they please.


The point is...yes, I agree, something has to be done....but you know what, there is not an intentional abuse taking place here and I HIGHLY doubt that these parents just don't care about their two year old...we have NO idea what's going on, what they've done to try and protect this little girl or how they feel about her escaping like this....we have NO idea....but you know, just to be safe....let's throw them into the system, let's invite THAT into their lives.

I'm telling you....uuuuuhh. Maddening.
post #40 of 90
You know, of all the things the OP listed, there are only 2 that strike me as dangerous. 1 is the razor blades, the other is the back door. These are simple things to toddler proof for -- razor blades and other sharp/dangerous things can easily be locked up. The outside door could be dead-bolted or have a high lock installed. Of course they should check to be sure kitchen chemicals and such are also locked up. Beyond that, really, what harm is eating a ton of pop tarts in the middle of the night? OK - relative to the "OMG this is SOOOO dangerous" response of some -- I recognize that poptarts are not nutritious food and generally not approved of here at MDC.

Neither my DH nor I are drug addicts, or drunks, or on any sort of meds. We can both easily sleep through the kids getting up in the night. When they were toddlers we gated the top of the stairs, toddler proofed the bathrooms, and left it at that. They weren't going to kill themselves, we slept. I don't think we were neglectful and certainly didn't deserve a CPS call! We don't know what the family in the OP have tried or what their true level of concern is, and we don't know that the razor blades are still accessible or that the outside door doesn't now have a better lock.

Locking a child in their room is just flat out dangerous. In the event of a fire, child cannot get out. Parents cannot be certain they wouldn't collapse due to smoke before being able to rescue child or that the fire won't block their access to child. There are much better solutions to night-wandering than locking them in their room.
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