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Why won't they just lock her in her room at night? - Page 3

post #41 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
No. They try to work opposite shifts, so I think they are just really tired. And, they just sleep through it. I don't know how. I hear everything. So, I don't understand it.

But, still.. if you know this is GOING to happen, why not find a way to put a stop to it?

I don't think those alarms would wake them up either. If she was rummaging in the master bathroom without waking anybody, I doubt they'd hear an alarm on her door.
Menards has some screamers for the doors that are a 4 pack for $8 (they stick on and can be easily removed). I'm not sure the DEAD could sleep through those.
post #42 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post
This is shocking to me. THis is why I don't have but a very few "friends", this is why we hate people. This is why we don't spend time with anyone outside our tiny little circle of family and friends...this is why we're moving to the woods in a month and won't be sending our children to public school...this is why we are suspicious of people and don't trust peoples motives.

Because you can think that someone is your friend...and meanwhile, they can be looking at something that is happening in your home, with YOUR OWN child and saying to themselves "Oh my, how dangerous and neglectful" and be secretly planning to call CPS on you and bringing a whole world of crap into your life. People these days, seem to have an unquenchable thirst, for fidinging themselves waste deep in somebody else business. It's none of the OPs business...I appreciate her concern, I think everyong is shocked at the way these parents are living with a two year old....but as a PP pointed out...NONE of us have ANY idea what has really been done to try and stop her from getting out and getting into things in the night....even if her mothers attitude seems flippant...maybe, just maybe, she's embarassed or maybe, hows this: Maybe she doens't want to talk about it with the OP, because she thinks that she has a right, as this girls parent, NOT to have to talk about it, just because the OP wants to and has expressed concern. Maybe the OPs concern over the situation caused stress for the mother of this child and she just wanted to change the subject?? huh? Did you consider that??

Everywhere you look, there are people doing bone headed things...sometimes downright DANGEROUS things, with their children....you don't call CPS on the neighbors down the street, whose kid is always riding in the front seat of the car with no seatbelt. You don't call on the lady at work...who only ever feeds her kids fast food, that she picks up on her way to work....come on, people....come on. Parent your own kid....parent. your. own. kid. and let other people do the same. No one is beating this child...no one is starving this kid or molesting her....she is a wily two year old who is getting out of her room at night and getting into things and WE don't think that these parents are doing enough to stop her...okay....but who the hell are WE?

THere is NOT enough information here, to warrant a call to CPS....no one here, including the OP, know exactly what's going on here...It digusts me, to hear people saying this all the time "I'd report them"....ugh. And people wonder why we live in a nanny state in this country these days...


What about mamas here on MDC, who let their children roam free outside??? What about them? Do you think we should all call CPS on them??
I know, I hated suggesting the police, but if I saw a toddler outside at night and didn't know where the child belonged, what else could I do? I know that's taking a specific situation and making it more OT and I don't mean to do that, but depending on the situation it might not be a bad call. Maybe the parents need more support than they have right now and if the OP cannot help provide that and the parents don't know where to look for it...family services might be able to help. (I have a much more complex view on this and I'm trying to boil it down so the post isn't too long but I'm rereading it and thinking, "That is what I mean ... but not quite like that ..." grrr!)

I would only use it as a case of last resort, but just because the ignorant want to call non-vaxers to the carpet with family services (and other intelligent mammas making informed - but not socially popular - decisions on other things as well) doesn't mean they don't need to be there for certain situations. Family services isn't just the refuge of the nosy snitch...

Maybe if they have Sundays off they can visit a church and find some connections for babysitters or ways they can get more relaxing time in during the week so they can be more alert during the night if something happens with the little one. If they are working opposite shifts and are exhausted all the time ... it's really a tough situation ...

Crap - if you don't have many friends that probably means you're not accepting new applications. Which kinda stinks cause I kinda dig you. *grin*
post #43 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by funkymamajoy View Post
When my oldest started doing this, we put a child proof door knob cover on the inside of his door. It seemed like a mean thing to do but we had to keep him safe.

I was terrified that he would leave the house.
An exact ditto! It worked until about 3.5, when he figured out how to pull off the childproof lock, but by then he was old enough to teach him that he had to come into our room first to wake us up before he went out into the rest of the house. Worked like a charm.
post #44 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom View Post
You know, of all the things the OP listed, there are only 2 that strike me as dangerous. 1 is the razor blades, the other is the back door. These are simple things to toddler proof for -- razor blades and other sharp/dangerous things can easily be locked up. The outside door could be dead-bolted or have a high lock installed. Of course they should check to be sure kitchen chemicals and such are also locked up. Beyond that, really, what harm is eating a ton of pop tarts in the middle of the night? OK - relative to the "OMG this is SOOOO dangerous" response of some -- I recognize that poptarts are not nutritious food and generally not approved of here at MDC.
My understanding was that the poster who mentioned the Pop Tarts was concerned about the baby being asleep on top of the counter, not about eating the Pop Tarts.

You're right that those things are easy to childproof. I think the concern is arising because, from the way the OP has presented the information, the parents seem to be aware of the potentially dangerous things their DD is doing every night, but don't seem to be interested in taking steps to prevent it from happening again. The OP said she offered to help childproof, and it doesn't sound like anything has been done.

I tried to ask the OP more questions to get a better sense of the parents' attitude, but she hasn't responded yet. It would be helpful to know more about how they talk about the issue.
post #45 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
My understanding was that the poster who mentioned the Pop Tarts was concerned about the baby being asleep on top of the counter, not about eating the Pop Tarts.
I guess I'm weird, but I really don't see the issue with a 2 YO climbing up on a counter. Mine did it all the time. I wouldn't be thrilled to have someone sleep there, but truly, IMHO, not worth panicing about.
post #46 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chimpmandee View Post
An exact ditto! It worked until about 3.5, when he figured out how to pull off the childproof lock, but by then he was old enough to teach him that he had to come into our room first to wake us up before he went out into the rest of the house. Worked like a charm.
and ditto back to you! DS grew out of the wandering stage and when DD wakes up, she just bothers DS instead of wandering. Now if only we get DS to wander to the bathroom at night.
post #47 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennydecki View Post
I know, I hated suggesting the police, but if I saw a toddler outside at night and didn't know where the child belonged, what else could I do? I know that's taking a specific situation and making it more OT and I don't mean to do that, but depending on the situation it might not be a bad call. Maybe the parents need more support than they have right now and if the OP cannot help provide that and the parents don't know where to look for it...family services might be able to help. (I have a much more complex view on this and I'm trying to boil it down so the post isn't too long but I'm rereading it and thinking, "That is what I mean ... but not quite like that ..." grrr!)

I would only use it as a case of last resort, but just because the ignorant want to call non-vaxers to the carpet with family services (and other intelligent mammas making informed - but not socially popular - decisions on other things as well) doesn't mean they don't need to be there for certain situations. Family services isn't just the refuge of the nosy snitch...

Maybe if they have Sundays off they can visit a church and find some connections for babysitters or ways they can get more relaxing time in during the week so they can be more alert during the night if something happens with the little one. If they are working opposite shifts and are exhausted all the time ... it's really a tough situation ...

Crap - if you don't have many friends that probably means you're not accepting new applications. Which kinda stinks cause I kinda dig you. *grin*

I understand what you mean....but CPS doesn't have a "off", "on" or "in the middle" switch...it's not either "Let's go snatch some kid, YEAH!" or "Hey guys, let's be reasonable on this one, m'kaay, these people seem like they just need a little guidance"....they kind of operate on a "let's go see what we can find" basis. And we all know, sometimes what they "find" doesn't make ANY sense, but there it is, in any case...totally ruining somebody's life. "What do you mean, you COSLEEP, EVERY kid needs to ahve his own bed, why is this bed covered in laundry???" and the beat goes on..... Maybe they go and just help the poor people...maybe they go and they find stains on the rug and give that crap we saw here once, about "stains could be emitting toxic fumes" or whatever else...maybe these parents are occasional MJ users and there is some evidence of that, say, stashed on top of the fridge...or whatever. Maybe they let her run loose, with no diaper on in the day time, get messy and don't clean her face....I mean, whatever, you know? There are any number of ways this could go wrong...and more of the time than any of us would care to talk about, it DOES go wrong, you know?

I just feel like...even if the things that these people are trying to do aren't good enough by our standards...who ARE WE? You know? I think that people have a right to parent as they see fit (obviously barring actual physical abuse or molstation, etc). I see what's happening as unacceptable...but these people might think they are doing the best they can....I can't be the judge of that and CPS is proven time and time again to be a lousy judge of that. The point is.....in life, a human should have the right to parent their child...even if I look at that and see failure....it's their right to fail. We can't save every kid in the world, who gets out of his bed at night and goes looking for fun/trouble...you know?

And FTR, if I saw a kid outside in the night, I would run out to the child, try to discover the location of his home and if I could not and he was unable to communicate anything to me like a phone number, etc...I WOULD call the cops. But the cops would be there to help this kid get home...you know? This cop would get the kid home and ring a doorbell, to find a couple of absolutely TERRIFIED, obviously just-sleeping parents...who would be SHOCKED and he would lecture them and hopefully NOT call CPS to "follow up"...hopefully he would be a parent himself and would have some compassion. How many times do the cops need to wake you from sleep in the middle of the night, with your child, who you didn't even know was missing, before you figure out a way to keep him in the house at night? But anyway, that's common sense, calling, because a kid is out in the cold wet night and you don't know how to get him home again, you know? There's nothing else you can do there.


Also....FTR....we have friends...just very few friends. It seemed, when we made an effort to be like everyone else, have a cirlce of friends we saw, etc...people just let us down, over and over again. We've come to understand, that there is A LOT about the culture of our people, here in this country, that just doesn't jive with who we are at our most core level. So, we have friends...we really do, just a VERY small circle.
post #48 of 90
if it were me i would probably lock everything remotely dangerous up as tight as possible.. and then it depends.. this is why i like co sleeping... when ds wakes up he lets himself out of bed and just walks around the apt.. but since he has to climb on top of me or dp to do this he usually wakes one of us up.

i would be concerned about steps.. but that is because DS has no idea how to go down them without making it a life threatening experience. he flat refuses to go down backwards and is legs aren't long enough to reach the next step down so every time he tries he just sort of takes it on faith that he has his foot in the right place when he falls to the next step. it makes me nuts.

i would be concerned she would get around, over, through a baby gate and that it might be safer not to have one in case she tries to climb over it and gets a way worse injury then she would falling down the stairs without it. the climbing on counters thing would scare the he!! out of me though. ds climbs on the chair then onto the table and then takes a leap of faith onto the counter if i don't catch him in time. i don't know how to stop this from happening .. i used to have the chairs on the table but now he knows how to take them off.

as for CPS... i admit the razor thing is really concerning .. and i agree that for the most part these things aren't our business ... but then at some point that becomes a cop out.. i don't think this is one of those situations but i do think we tend to turn our heads and over look things b/c we don't want the responsibility of doing something about it.

but then.. as the mother of a child who is a strange combination of houdini, a pick pocket, a mountain climber, a stuntman, and a rocket scientist ... who are also all incredibly clumsy.... i sometimes worry people are going to call CPS because ds gets so many bumps and bruises and scraps. currently he has ..i was going to say a black eye.. but technically it is a bruise and a little cut right above his eye..and the bruise spread down to his eye lid.. it actually looks like he is wearing purple eyeshadow. now most people would think that we were either abusing him or neglecting him in order for that to happen. do you know what happened? we were laying in bed... yeah in the flipping bed... and DSs crib is next to it... DS picked up a pillow and put it on the bed where he wants to lay (he moved the pillows all over the place for ever until he finally falls asleep its strange. ) and he goes to fling his head onto the pillow and over shoots it a little bit and hit his head on the crib. i mean the kid was sitting up and then laid down.. how could he have hit it that hard? i have no idea but the bruise is nasty. what would happen if someone called CPS on us? yk?
post #49 of 90
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cschick View Post
Menards has some screamers for the doors that are a 4 pack for $8 (they stick on and can be easily removed). I'm not sure the DEAD could sleep through those.
If nothing else, it will scare her huh?
post #50 of 90
Just wondering why we are all assuming the parents haven't tried anything to put a stop to this?

Yeah the OP offered some help, but the girls parents may have already tried something and know it doesn't work.

Not every parent feels comfortable locking their childs door from the outside. I know DH and I would never even entertain that possibility.
post #51 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
If nothing else, it will scare her huh?
*snicker*

We stuck them on the outside doors, because the 3-year-old is stubborn and has decided that he is OLD ENOUGH to go visit his friends across the street all by himself.

He hasn't touched a door since the first time he opened one and the screamer went off.
post #52 of 90
Thread Starter 
They aren't really concerned about her safety.

They are annoyed at the destruction. She's drawn on the couch with a sharpie. She's ruined food in the fridge, she's left the back door open while the air conditioner ran.

They basically get up every morning and go look at what damage she's done. She's never asleep in her bed in the mornings, it's always wherever she got sleepy again. Sometimes a closet, usually the couch or the living room floor.

They are the type of family who dirt bikes, and the whole family likes to skateboard. They camp and the kids are allowed to wander around, or stand close to the fire. They like that the kids are adventurous. But, wish the little one was less obnoxious about it. I GET that... but, I wish they were more worried about her getting out of the house. (the other three girls are nutballs too, but not so dangerous)

Really, I understand that she's going to get hurt. She's just that type of kid. She's always doing something crazy and getting hurt. But, I am just almost sure that something REALLY bad is going to happen.

I even told them I had a really bad feeling about this. One day, they might leave the pool fence open, or she could go through the garage door and get to the pool. Or my biggest fear is she will go out front alone at 3:00 a.m. She isn't afraid of anybody or anything.

I'm glad the kids are like this. But, they really need to confine her at night.
post #53 of 90
Quote:
The outside door could be dead-bolted or have a high lock installed.
Yup. We have a latch on our front door that only dh and I can reach. I lock it at night so I don't have to worry about one of my younger kids going out before I get up.
post #54 of 90
I have a lock on my fridge, pantry and a chain lock at the top of my front door. My patio door has a peg at the top of the frame which keeps it locked and where my 4 yr old cannot reach. I try to keep pens, sharp objects, and other destructive tools put away where my kids cannot get to them.

My middle son has Austism and if I don't lock up the food, he will eat and eat and eat until he throws up. I went shopping one day and two days later, all cheese and snack foods were gone. (we buy very little of snack foods, so don't flame) Locking things up keeps him from getting sick and me from having to spend my entire life chasing him away from the food.

If I were these parents, and I had tried EVERYTHING, to no avail, I would consider the locked door, as a last resort. Because trust me, if she gets out and is brought home by police, most likely CPS is going to be involved.
post #55 of 90
I might add that the OP said the child got ahold of her dad's razor. She did not say it was a straight razor. I don't think any kid is going to kill themselves on a Gillette shaver. Cut a hand, yes. Sever an artery...not likely.

I was a pretty vigilant parent when my kids were little. My oldest managed to open and drink an entire bottle of Dimetapp Elixir while I was asleep, and my youngest let himself out the back door while I was asleep. (I was one of those parents who would have sworn up and down that my kid would never have tried to go outside by himself or rifle through the medicine cabinet) They were both 3yo when each event happened.

I lost DS2 at Virginia Beach for about ten minutes when he was 5yo. It was terrifying for both of us. DS1, at age 6, decided to leave our cul-de-sac with his bike and venture onto the main road for a few minutes, where people drive 50+ mph and there are no sidewalks. A neighbor told me about it.

Kids do stuff. You can only hover so much. I'm glad my friends and neighbors weren't CPS-happy individuals.
post #56 of 90
I fail to see how these anecdotes about kids who have gotten into stuff are relevant. The issue here isn't that this girl is getting into stuff -- of course that happens to all kids, even those with the best of parents. The issue is that she's doing it nightly and her parents aren't concerned and don't appear to be doing anything to even try to stop it.
post #57 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
can two year olds be sneaky?
They can certainly try! Sophia often waits til I have to use the toilet to get into things she's not supposed to. When she bolts out of the bathroom door, races down the hall, and I hear rummaging in the kitchen, I know she's into something. I finish as quickly as possible, she hears me walking down the hall ... I hear her say, 'hide, hide, hide!' as she tries to hide behind the cupboard door while standing on the counter trying to open up some emergen-c packets, or tries to hide inside the pantry behind the door with a bucket of oats in her arms, or under a blanket on the couch with a bar of butter she snagged from the fridge, or under the table with a bucket of crisco in hand.


post #58 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
If they cant/wont wake up when she's tearing the house apart...even when she's in their own room... shouldn't they take precautions to keep her safe? She does this every single night. It's not occasionally. It's every night.
The answer is yes they should take precautions to keep her safe as possible. Door alarms might be a really good idea if they can't stay awake.

I wonder if they have considered checking into what is making her wake up at night instead of just viewing it as an annoyance. I get the impression that she goes to sleep and then wakes up and does this and then falls asleep again? Maybe suggest they talk to a doctor or sleep specialist? Has she always woken at night or is it relatively new?

Our solution to dd not sleeping at night was for one of us (me) to try to always be awake with her. If she was awake alone she would totally trash the house every single time. It really sucks but locking her in a room was not something we could do. If we had more than one child I don't know how we would have managed to do this.
post #59 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post
What about mamas here on MDC, who let their children roam free outside??? What about them? Do you think we should all call CPS on them??
Most of us who do that have older children, and only after they have proven that they have a degree of responsiblity, and would take that privledge away (I hope) if our children destroyed property, ect.

Surely you see a slight difference between a 2 year old, and an older child. I didn't let my children roam free unsupervised outside when they were toddlers.
post #60 of 90
How do you know about all this stuff, OP?

Assuming you have talked to the parents about this over and over, you already know that they're not going to do anything. If I were you at this point I'd just ask them to stop sharing their "OMG you won't believe what DD did now!" stories with you. It's only upsetting you, you are powerless, and if they're not going to do anything even after the kid cut herself with a razor and they don't bother to lock the pool gate...what can you really do?

Other than this issue, is the kid happy? If so, it sounds like she's in a family that at least gets the daredevil/exploration need, probably she'll survive the next 3 years or so. Though since I'm a busybody, I might try to teach the kid to swim or practice getting out of the water on the edge of a pool!
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