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Why won't they just lock her in her room at night? - Page 4

post #61 of 90
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
How do you know about all this stuff, OP?


Other than this issue, is the kid happy?
We are related... kinda...well, mom is my ex's niece, and they live on the next block over, so we do things together a lot. So, We're not ACTUALLY related.. but, we still claim to be.

Yes! She's very happy. I don't doubt that, or her parents in general, but I do think they need to lock her in. I have no problems telling them that.. and they don't mind. But, they don't have that same sense of "If she'll do this now, what will she do next month?" feeling.

The behavior is kinda new. She turned two recently, and she's been doing this since about 17 months. (When she learned to escape her crib) Plus they moved into a new home at the same time. It all started on the same night.
post #62 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
can two year olds be sneaky?
this was my first thought. My DD got in to the kitchen knives when she was 2.5 while I was in the shower and big brother (8 at the time) was supposed to be watching her, and she didn't cut herself but used several knives to cut up her own banana in to very small pieces. I instantly put the knives up on top of the fridge and out of her sight and it never happened again because she couldn't reach them. Those knives are still on top of the fridge to this day and my DD is 7 years old. She doesn't like knives and will always ask before using one when we are eating out somewhere.

I can't believe at least one of the parents doesn't wake up when they hear the child in other areas of the house. When I have a young child in the house, like under 4, I wake up to every little noise and instantly check on them. I thought that was a universal parent thing that you instantly wake up to check on a really young child when you hear just the slightest noise or sense someting going on.

I agree with door alarms or they may need to put the child in their bedroom to sleep with them so they can hear her.....or can they can put some type of locks on the doors to the other rooms in the house like the bathroom, kitchen and other rooms so she can't get in there?

The biggest concern I have is that the parents don't seem to care about her safety while they get a good night's sleep. They didn't hear her come in their own room? That's sad to me. She cut herself up with her dad's razor?? That one single incident would have set the wheels in motion in our house to make some MAJOR changes. I would probably be sleeping in my child's room so that I am sure to wake up when she does if this was happening in my house. I couldn't go to bed at night and even go to sleep without knowing I've done something to make her safer. What parent wouldn't feel the same way?
post #63 of 90
HAven't read the whole thread, but what about having 2yo sleep in a toddler bed in mom/dad's room and babyproofing, complete with a small toy basket of quiet toys, and putting a chain latch at the top of the bedroom door so baby can't leave. Baby can wake up and 'get into things' quietly without risk of danger. Parents are nearby and accessible. I've done this before when my son was this age, omg he could maneuver out of anything and I think it's the only thing that let me sleep and kept him alive LOL

Personally, I think any suggestion or recommendation of trapping a child (locking, 'crib tents', barricading', whatever) AWAY from their parents is dangerous, reckless, and poor judgment. Fire risks aside, the child isn't able to reach the parents and ask for help, and it creates the situation where the child HAS to fend for themselves. Not ok from an an attachment perspective, in my opinion.

HTH?
post #64 of 90
if they are going to lock her in they could put a video monitor in her room or something
post #65 of 90
Quote:
I fail to see how these anecdotes about kids who have gotten into stuff are relevant. The issue here isn't that this girl is getting into stuff -- of course that happens to all kids, even those with the best of parents. The issue is that she's doing it nightly and her parents aren't concerned and don't appear to be doing anything to even try to stop it.
Yeah, this.

I would consider calling CPS too if a) I was SURE the parents were not doing anything about this and B) I had clearly expressed my very sincere concern to the parents repeatedly with no results.

It's worth mentioning that the most common form of child abuse is child neglect. I could not live with myself if this child fell in the pool or was hit by a car, and I had known about this situation, and I had done nothing.

As to locking her in her room--I have never really gotten why this freaks people out so much, safety-wise. I think it's the IDEA of locking someone in that freaks people, and that's sort of like getting freaked out by child harnesses because they look like dog leashes. Any child who sleeps in a crib without being able to climb out is essentially being locked in a room. As far as fire safety is concerned, it's the exact same thing. (And I know many here are anti-crib, but they don't usually react with "What if there's a fire?" stuff.)

If this were my child I would 100% be locking or gating her in.
post #66 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by thyra View Post
I won't be popular for saying this, but if I knew this family and knew about all this happening, I couldn't not call cps and be ok with myself. This little girls parents are neglecting her - and something needs to be done about it before something happens to her.
Why do people feel the need to involve the Goverment. All CPS does is destroy your life. I'm sure there are other alternatives to helping a friend out besides callling CPS on them. I'm a very hard sleeper....does that make me a bad parent...um NO!
post #67 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by kristi96 View Post
Why do people feel the need to involve the Goverment. All CPS does is destroy your life.
this isn't true. CPS is not all bad. if you want some examples i have quite a few. vicious generalizations are not helpful.
post #68 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by thyra View Post
I won't be popular for saying this, but if I knew this family and knew about all this happening, I couldn't not call cps and be ok with myself. This little girls parents are neglecting her - and something needs to be done about it before something happens to her.
: And to make things a little more complicated, we know someone who lost two children to CPS (permanently - several other issues as well, not just this), because of an initial call of their children being locked in their bedroom. Parents did it while they slept (they chose to sleep until 2/3 in the afternoon, ignoring their kids) so kids would be "safe." Neighbors called the cops because the kids were being locked up, and that was the reason for the initial removal. Other things came out over time, but that prompted the call/removal. Not to be the bearer of bad news...

If it were me, I would try one of two things. First, there are those nets you can put over a crib to help contain a child. Or, I would second the moving the child's bed into the parent's room and installing a hook/eye lock up higher than the child can reach and guaranteeing there are safe locks on all windows in the room.
post #69 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by loraxc View Post
As to locking her in her room--I have never really gotten why this freaks people out so much, safety-wise. I think it's the IDEA of locking someone in that freaks people, and that's sort of like getting freaked out by child harnesses because they look like dog leashes. Any child who sleeps in a crib without being able to climb out is essentially being locked in a room. As far as fire safety is concerned, it's the exact same thing. (And I know many here are anti-crib, but they don't usually react with "What if there's a fire?" stuff.)
It's really not the same, though. In one situation, the child is on open-topped crib. In the other, the child is behind a locked door, potentially unaccessible by firefighters who have entered the building. In one scenario, the parents can hear the child crying for help. In the other, they have to rely on baby monitors, if anything. In one scenario, the child can come to the parents in the night if she needs help. In the other, she can only beat futilely on the closed door and hope that someone hears her screams.

This is also another excellent reason to co-sleep with young children, particularly those too little to walk. The safety issues are drastically lessened when everyone is in the same room. "What if there's a fire?" is a big reason we chose to bedshare and will continue to co-sleep as long as it works for our family.
post #70 of 90
i know several fire fighters and not a single one of them would be the least bit deterred by a locked door. it would barely slow them down.
post #71 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
This is also another excellent reason to co-sleep with young children, particularly those too little to walk. The safety issues are drastically lessened when everyone is in the same room. "What if there's a fire?" is a big reason we chose to bedshare and will continue to co-sleep as long as it works for our family.
Co-sleeping is not an "excellent idea" when the child refuses to sleep with you. DD#1 still sleeps with us, DD#2 will not. We have tried over and over and over. It doesn't work for everyone.
post #72 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
i know several fire fighters and not a single one of them would be the least bit deterred by a locked door. it would barely slow them down.
Maybe not, but that's not a chance I'd be willing to take. Nor would I want to risk being unable to open a locked door in the smoke and confusion of a fire.
post #73 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatoablessing View Post
Co-sleeping is not an "excellent idea" when the child refuses to sleep with you. DD#1 still sleeps with us, DD#2 will not. We have tried over and over and over. It doesn't work for everyone.
Peace, mama. I was not attacking your choice not to co-sleep.
post #74 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
Peace, mama. I was not attacking your choice not to co-sleep.
Thanks.

I wish I had more control over it because our lives would be so much less complicated if she'd just sleep in our bed. As I said in a previous post, she's an incredibly daring, fearless, stubborn little girl. We are running out of options.
post #75 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatoablessing View Post
Thanks.

I wish I had more control over it because our lives would be so much less complicated if she'd just sleep in our bed. As I said in a previous post, she's an incredibly daring, fearless, stubborn little girl. We are running out of options.
That sounds really rough. I hope you find a solution that keeps her safe AND lets you all get some much-needed sleep!
post #76 of 90
there was a thread awhile back that said closed doors were safer in a fire... it was actually another thread about locking kids in their rooms... the things we talk about on her
post #77 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamatoablessing View Post
Thanks.

I wish I had more control over it because our lives would be so much less complicated if she'd just sleep in our bed. As I said in a previous post, she's an incredibly daring, fearless, stubborn little girl. We are running out of options.
only on mothering would you read a post where a parent wishes their kid would just freaking sleep in their bed!!
post #78 of 90
Quote:
In one scenario, the parents can hear the child crying for help. In the other, they have to rely on baby monitors, if anything. In one scenario, the child can come to the parents in the night if she needs help. In the other, she can only beat futilely on the closed door and hope that someone hears her screams.
Huh? What is your "one scenario" and "other scenario"? I don't get it. A child in a crib in a room and a child locked in a room both can be heard if they scream, and/or on a monitor. My DS, who is a crib sleeper and has never thought of climbing out, can't get out any more than a child locked in a room can get out.

For that matter, some bed-sleeping toddlers can't open their doors even if they aren't locked.

I am not sure what kind of firefighter couldn't disable a simple doorknob lock. In any case, I am thinking a scenario where there is a fire, yet I am somehow unable to get my kids out (if I am conscious, I am GETTING my kids out) and the key thing that caused them not to be saved was a little doorknob lock is not very likely. I live in a 1-story house that is less than 1200 sf. What is the scenario here...I sleep through the beginnings of this massive fire, all my smoke alarms fail, we pass out from smoke inhalation, but somehow the neighbors call to save us, yet the house is about to collapse around us in the next 2 seconds so the firefighter has no time or skills or mental ability to unlock a door that requires no key? Dude, how did the firefighter get in the HOUSE through my deadbolts? I don't know, I just don't think it's that big a risk
post #79 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
there was a thread awhile back that said closed doors were safer in a fire... it was actually another thread about locking kids in their rooms... the things we talk about on her
That's why we keep our bedroom door closed!

The other thing is locking a child in a room just seems really cruel and inhumane to me. I get that it's for her own protection, but I'd put alarms on every window and door in the house and lock everything dangerous away in a huge safe before I'd shut my kid in a room. It's like...I don't know, I guess being confined against my will is my worst nightmare, so I can't imagine doing that to a little one. Safety issues notwithstanding, I just couldn't do it.
post #80 of 90
i wouldn't do it and then leave them there all night.. i would probably lock the door to keep her safe and not let her out.. but i would also have a monitor so that i would here her if she wakes up and i would go get her. i cant imagine locking her there all night to fend for herself... thats just mean. and lord knows it may not be any safer. shes two.. she could get hurt in lots of seemingly harmless ways.
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