I think that having Ghetto Fabulous family definately isn't contingent upon their race, but I didn't get from the poster that she was making that connection either. She was mentioning a few things. First of all that she is multi-cultural. Secondly that her father or fiancee (I'm confused what DF means, too) has a different take on things (also unclear). And Thirdly, there there is some Ghetto Fabulousness...loud craziness, etc.
Listen, my dh's family is half Morocain-Israeli and half Israeli-Israeli (going back over 17 generations). The steriotype here is that the Morocains are loud and whatever, but with his family, I've found it is totally the opposite. His Morrocain family is totally quiet and tame compared to the Israeli-Israeli side, w ho are totally ghetto fabulous...outrageous, loud, crazy. And it has nothign to do with race or ethnicity and everything to do with crazy, outrageous family. All that being said, there are different sides and it seems that one doesn't function well with the other, not only because of their differences, but because of the steriotypes that one group has about the other (its funny to hear the loud Israeli-Israeli side talk about the loud, ghetto Morrocains when it is so CLEARLY the opposite of what they are saying. Well, funny and sad. But I digress...) So, basically, I acknowledge that steriotypes DO end up playing a role in these things, even if you are coming at it from another angle (the one I just mentioned...pot calling the kettle black, so to speak).
All that being said, I realize the need to share happiness with family. But when family is so drastically different, I think that YOU have to set the tone. Like, YOU pick a location. YOU lay down the ground rules. If you want to make sure the loud boisterous family keeps it tame, then hold a reception at a Hindu house of prayer (or whatever it is that speaks to you, even a Church or something) where the rules of decorum are clearly laid down. You could do a prayer and then have some cake and coffee in the Church (etc...) hall or outside in the yard in front. That will keep things very tame and controlled.
Furthermore, have a very clear order to how everything will progress. Pass out one page fliers to everyone saying:
10:30am-11:00am: cake and coffee
11am-noon: Open gifts/Give toasts
Noon-12:30am: Sign guestbook and goodbyes
Or something like this. Keeping things very focused and very short will help to keep things going the way you want them. Remember that this is YOUR special time to introduce yourselves as a family to your families and YOU are in control of the party. PLaying soft classical music in the background might encourage very loud family (likely to break into belly dancing or something of a strip tease in soem of my extended family
) to be relaxed and not let the party get out of control.
Good luck and have very happy and meaningful nuputuals.