Do you always say something?

[tayndrewsmama]

Many times I have heard mamas I know, but aren't very close with, talk about how they dread going in for their little ones vaxes......hate the crying and screaming afterwards.....feel so bad that they are sick afterwards and other things. There are times when the comments make it clear that the mama has no clue at all that they have options. No clue that some of the things they describe are quite possibly vaccine reactions.

In a situation where you have know them for a long time, but aren't like super close or anything, do you always speak up? If you know the person is super mainstream and likely to be completely blown away even by the suggestion that they could delay the visit and read some info on vaccines, would you still say something, or not?

[Mrsboyko]

I do speak up, sometimes. If it is a mob type situation (5-6+ people all obviously on the same page WRT vaccines) I will not. That is just asking to be ignored and rediculed. But just 2-3 mom's/ dad's, sure i do. My DD is a perfect example IMO of a vaccine reaction. Her allergies, obvious fevers after vaccines and even the doc's agreeing with me makes me feel as though I at least have some sort of validity more so than just reading and fear. I do make it clear that i don't think vaccines= autism, but I do believe vaccines= triggering of an underlying issue.

I plant the seed and leave it at that though. I don't keep pushing the idea. If they are interested they will ask.

[love2bmommy5]

I agree with Mrsboyko. If it's a small group setting, I'll mention that I selective/delay vax and if they seem interested, I'll tell them a little bit of info and offer to let them borrow Dr Sears book. If it's a larger group, though, I'm not going to set myself up to be attacked. Also, if I know that the person wouldn't even consider delaying them a bit, I usually don't say anything.

[KimberlyD0]

I would butt out.

I don't need or want people telling me what to do, in my case telling me NOT to vaccinate, and I would not do that to another parent. Its not my place, or my right to do that.

But thats me.

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by KimberlyD0

I would butt out.

I don't need or want people telling me what to do, in my case telling me NOT to vaccinate, and I would not do that to another parent. Its not my place, or my right to do that.

But thats me.

I don't think you understood my point. Plainly speaking.....would you ever let someone know they do have options when think they don't? I never said anything about telling people not to vaccinate. Goodness knows that doctor's offices don't let anyone in on the little secret that you don't *have* to do it exactly as they say.

[becca_howell]

My cousin and I are 3 years apart and our sons are 2 months apart. She is the exact opposite of me (circ's, vax's, etc.). I went with her to her son's 2 month checkup and vax's. I was very open about my beliefs and she accepted them very nicely. Anyone I have spoken up to about my choice to not vax has been very open to it... to my face...

[KimberlyD0]

Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama

I don't think you understood my point. Plainly speaking.....would you ever let someone know they do have options when think they don't? I never said anything about telling people not to vaccinate. Goodness knows that doctor's offices don't let anyone in on the little secret that you don't *have* to do it exactly as they say.

I would butt out as I say. I have met very few people who feel they have no choice.

The only person I know IRL who does NO vaccinations is actually the least educated. She does it purely out of fear, and has no facts. She doesn't even know what she's afread of She's never looked into anything about them. I wouldn't really go and tell her that she's wrong and needs to do more research either, but I do feel she should. She's so afread that nothing would change her mind anyway so why waist my time.

If asked I would give my opinion, otherwise its not my business.

Mind you I am like that about most things. I don't like starting drama, and whenever opinions are shared, and then disagreed upon there is drama. Not my thing.

As I said though if asked then of course I would voice my opinions as a selective vaxer and leave the rest to them.

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by KimberlyD0

I would butt out as I say. I have met very few people who feel they have no choice.

Maybe that's the difference between the US and Canada. TONS of people in our area really have no idea that they have a choice. I have had people say to me before that they wished they knew they had a choice or they would have made different choices. Often school office employees are even unaware that exemptions exist and create problems for anyone who may choose that route.

Apples and oranges IMO.

[just_lily]

For me it all depends on the company. If it is a bunch of moms I don't know particularly well talking about the crying and whatnot I usually just smile and stay quiet. If someone were to ask me outright (which has never happen) I would be upfront and say that we don't vaccinate and leave it at that unless someone asks questions.

I do speak up about incorrect information though, like if someone comments that vaccines are "required" (where I live there aren't even any school requirements) than I will say that no, that isn't true.

My close friends and family all know about our decisions and it does come up from time to time. I don't bring it up to people I don't know well because it usually just leads to a lot of frustration.

I have NEVER told anyone what to do though, like a PP implies. My advice to anyone that asks is for them to realize that they actually have a choice to do all, some, or none of the recommended vax on whatever schedule they choose and that I would be very willing to chat about OUR decisions if they want. Making a choice about vaccines was such a huge decision for us I would never, ever tell someone else what to do.

[Emmeline II]

I would butt out as I say. I have met very few people who feel they have no choice.

Originally Posted by tayndrewsmama

Maybe that's the difference between the US and Canada. TONS of people in our area really have no idea that they have a choice. I have had people say to me before that they wished they knew they had a choice or they would have made different choices. Often school office employees are even unaware that exemptions exist and create problems for anyone who may choose that route.

Apples and oranges IMO.

The right not to vaccinate is not specifically protected by the US Constitution as it is in Canada.

I've lost count of the number of people who have told me they had NO IDEA that they had the right to refuse (and those who tell me I don't have the right to refuse); so if I come across a post where someone doesn't appear to know they have options, I let them know that they DO have OPTIONS.

It really isn't common knowledge here that you do not have to do all vax on schedule. And when it comes to school--not every state offers equal and free access to exemptions.

[emma1325]

Originally Posted by KimberlyD0

I would butt out as I say. I have met very few people who feel they have no choice.

When someone tells me their concerns about vaccines, I always mention my own experience briefly (that my daughter experienced a scary neurological reaction lasting for weeks after her 2nd set of shots, prompting us to research and then stop vaccinating) so that other parents are exposed to someone who did make the choice to stop.

I think it sometimes it takes someone putting a "bug in your ear" for you to really think about an issue like vaccinating. Sure, there's not many parents who feel completely forced to vax; they all for the most part know they have a choice. But do they understand that the choice to not vaccinate is a valid one? That is why I speak up, briefly and politely. I think it's important to let others know that there are sane, responsible people out there who choose not to vaccinate (or do selective/delayed vaccines.)

[Jugs]

I just keep it light and fluffy with something like "You know you don't *have to* do them on schedule right?" Then I get the inevitable "But what about school??" To which I reply "School is X years away, which gives you plenty of time, or you could always file an exemption." And that is where I get the inevitable over not knowing that they don't have to vaccinate to put their kids in school.

Whether someone does or doesn't vax is their business, but I feel driven to deconstruction Myth #1: They're required for school... because once you chip away at the first lie, sometimes it gets people wondering what else we aren't being told, kwim?

[jeminijad]

Originally Posted by emma1325

I think it sometimes it takes someone putting a "bug in your ear" for you to really think about an issue like vaccinating. .

Originally Posted by Jugs

... because once you chip away at the first lie, sometimes it gets people wondering what else we aren't being told, kwim?

I agree with both of these comments.

I am certainly thankful that someone put a "bug in my ear" about several things... there are many moms out there that want the information, want to make good decisions, but not unreasonably don't trust 'the internet' or would never think to examine each parenting choice and see if something better exists.

You can mention that there is another way without being intrusive or telling them what to do. I do talk about how I delay DD's vaxes and answer any questions (there usually are some) and have yet to be told to "butt out," because I am not forcing myself on them or telling them what to do.

[Yulia_R]

I ALWAYS speak up about vaccines, circumcision and CIO

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. -Martin Luther King Jr.


Knowledge is responsibility. You have the knowledge.

[listipton]

I speak up, plant seeds, etc. But if the conversation looks like it might turn ugly, I change topics. Now, if it's online friends/community... that's a different story . I get really 'vocal'.

[Evergreen]

I rarely say anything at all. If a mother says something like, "I really worry about all of these vaccines." I would speak up but mostly they just say, "Well, we are going for Baby's shots tomorrow I can't wait to see how much she weighs!"

[tayndrewsmama]

Originally Posted by Evergreen

I rarely say anything at all. If a mother says something like, "I really worry about all of these vaccines." I would speak up but mostly they just say, "Well, we are going for Baby's shots tomorrow I can't wait to see how much she weighs!"

I know what you mean. Those excited comments just make me clam up really tight.

[peainthepod]

It depends on the context and how well I know the person. I was the first of my friends to have a baby, so I did get a lot of questions about circumcision, "sleep training", cosleeping, and vaccination. I was forthright and honest with all of them and offered to lend any books from my library, but I try not to push. I don't appreciate being lectured so I doubt they would either.

When it comes up, I give my opinion and I make sure to let them know they can refuse vaccines, and I like to talk neutrally about what is in vaccines, since so few people seem to know. A good starting point is reminding them of all the headlines a few years ago about how aluminum is a known neurotoxin linked to Alzheimer's, and is a common ingredient in vaccines. Sometimes it works better to let them connect the dots on their own.

[zinemama]

I say, "You know, you can delay them if you want." That's it, really. If they ask further I will give info, but otherwise not.

[Baby_Vol]

Originally Posted by zinemama

I say, "You know, you can delay them if you want." That's it, really. If they ask further I will give info, but otherwise not.

That's what I say as well.

I have met very few people who feel they have no choice.

When my son was born, *I* didn't know I had a choice. I am a college educated professional working in the science field, and still I had no idea that I had a choice. I thought they were required for school. Even just last week, my son's sitter told me her neighbor said she had to have them for daycare. She said she called 4 different centers and they all told her the shots are state required for school and for daycare (which is not true, there are exemptions). Most people, at least around here, honestly have no idea about exemptions. Most schools will not tell you about them because the secretaries are not made aware, and the large majority of parents do vaccinate.