Help with appropriate consequences for a 5yr old running away

[Liadan]

How on earth to I keep him from running away from me!!!!????

He is very independant and bold I love that about him and try to give him opportunities to prove himself...i.e. letting him pick and bag the broccoli while I am getting apples(and keeping 1/2 an eye on him lol), letting him stand in line by himself for a face-painting, letting him walk to his sunday school class without me...

He is also extremely clingy and wants mama all the time! I KNOW this sounds like a complete contradiction but its TRUE!

The more I try to restrict him the crazier he gets. The more independance I let him have the clingier he gets.

I try to find a good balance

So, I'm trying to figure out what to do, besides leave, when he runs away from me in the store or the park. He ran away from me in the park last night, it was a large crowd watching a blues concert. He would sit by me for a bit, play with his brother and cousin etc. Then run up to the front to dance with Grandma etc. I made it very clear that this was perfectly acceptable, but he was to go nowhere else.

Well, one of the times he just took off thru the crowd. I could see he wanted to run up the hill behind us (the hill leading up to the park driveway). When he saw me walking toward him he took off thru the crowd and did a huge circle back to his grandma. I caught up with him and when he refused to talk to me, hold my hand etc. I carried him back to our blanket. As soon as I let go of his arm he was off. He ran and hid behind a tree. I brought him back to our seat again and he flipped out throwing himself on the ground, screaming at me to let go etc. We packed up our stuff and walked back to the car. He was fighting so hard my mom and I each were holding an arm. He mellowed by the time we got to the car and chatted happily on the way home.

[4evermom]

My child only had a certain range distance he would go from me so if I wanted him to come back it always worked best to NOT follow him. That's when he'd keep going. Sounds like you have a similar kind of guy? My ds always circled around, too, so I was generally better off staying still (or in a grocery store going the opposite way). Had a few nervous moments but he always did ok if I didn't yell or chase.

If I got nervous, it worked better to call out "watch for cars" if he was getting close to the street or parking lot. Or say whatever I was concerned about, like "remember to walk in stores". Positively phrased directions worked so much better with him, too. Saying what to do, not saying "no" or "don't".

Maybe in the concert situation saying "Wait for me, I'll go up there with you" would have slowed him down at least. To some extent, I had to let him lead me around, let him know I was generally willing to be led around. Then he'd listen better the few times that I couldn't (or really didn't want to).

[Liadan]

I have noticed he does better MOST of the time if I don't chase him. I just get nervous in a crowded situation. I wasn't sure if yelling in a noisy crowded situation would be appropriate so I decided to follow him. That didn't work so well.

Interesting, I didn't think about the fact that he was doing big circles. I guess he did have a comfort zone of distance, hmmm.

I constantly have to remind myself way that work with him I felt I was giving him plenty of space in this instance. Him not listening to me AT ALL when I did catch up to him is what bothered me most. I can understand him getting bored and looking for something new to do. But the fact that he totally lost it and we had to carry him out of there has me stumped for how to handle those situations in the future.