[QUOTE=QueenOfTheMeadow;14067736]I think there is a certain amount of defensivness from those of us who have been in that situation, and despite our every effort, our kid is still "that kid" and we are still "that parent." Trust me, we know that we are being looked at and judged. We've seen the looks, we've gotten the comments, and we've read the threads.
And for us, no, it isn't more plausable that it's just a bad parent. It's more plausable that there is something going on that a stranger is aware of. Because, after all, we don't know the situation, so why assume the worse? Why is assuming that the parents are doing their best any worse than assuming they aren't? I guess it's a glass half full/half empty kind of question./QUOTE]
i understand feeling defensive about that... i think every parent feels judged at some point or another and i imagine it is more often when you have a child with special needs. I don't think the only alternative to that is bad parents though. for all intents and purposes i am completely able bodied and as far as i know ds has no special needs but i have gone grocery shopping while he cried the whole time... and we have had some memorable trips to target that were just plain painful. i don't think its makes me or dp bad parents ... i think we had stuff we needed to do, we were trying our best to get the heck out of three as fast as we could, and ds was having none of it.
people judge us.. but so what? people judge all kinds of crap. i had a woman tell me the other day that she was so surprised DS was so happy and i am so young. wtf? who says that? once at the airport a woman offered to hold him for me b/c he wouldn't stop crying.. and then when i said no thank you she kept trying to do it anyway. its rude that people shoot nasty looks at stuff... thats just judging for judgments sake. i think this might be one of those situations where it doesn't hurt to be helpful but it doesn't help to be hurtful. i would rather someone offer help, smile, try to engage ds, etc than stare at me like they are superior.
that just pisses me off
but if a kid has special needs i don't know if it would be helpful to have someone try and help. i guess it would depend on the kid.
the one thing that stuck out to me from the op was that the mom seemed frazzled.. i agree with the PP who said that no one is more miserable that a child is screaming in a store then the childs parents. 99% of the time when i have seem this kind of thing the parents look like they are about ready to crack. ds screamed for an hour while i was picking up a prescription.. they told me it would take 20 minutes... they were wrong.
and i tried to let him out of the stroller but it he then proceeded to try and pull everything off of the shelves... so i put him back in the stroller... we walked and walked and walked up and down the stupid aisles... it was ridiculous.
i guess i don't think its totally unreasonable to have a screaming kid... yeah i would want to take him out of the store but heck if ds is screaming like that it might not even occur to me...
sometimes when i get frazzled like that all logical thoughts seems to escape me.