Toddler screaming for over an hour in a store - Page 3

[felix23]

Was that me you saw?! Here is the story of my child screaming for an hour at Walmart while we waited for them to finish changing the oil/tires on my car. We tried to leave her with my mom, but she wanted to go. She wasn't tired or hungry, she was just in a really, really bad mood that day. (that is why we wanted to leave her at home) It started off with crying about toys and junk food, and ended with her laying in the bottom of the buggy (yes another horrible parenting thing I did) crying. If we picked her up she would scratch and kick us. We couldn't go the car or leave because it was up on the lift, and it was raining outside, so no walking around outdoors. When my dh tried to carry her to look and the fish tanks she just screamed and cried for me. When I tried to take her to look at books while dh finished getting groceries, she just screamed at cried for him. So eventually we finished our shopping while looking frazzled and she layed in the buggy and cried.

And thank God I only met sympathetic people and no one who told me to take my kid and leave.

[Cativari]

I think no matter what the parents did someone would have something bad to say about it. They stay in the store as they did and they get "why don't you do something like take the kid outside, let him down from the cart, brib him ect," If they took the kid out of the store someone would come over and ask why the kid is screaming and that they need to keep him quiet or go home, or even worse someone would call the cops or CPS because someone's letting their kid scream in the car or parking lot. They brib the kid next time he will expect it to keep quiet creating a bigger problem. they let the kid out of the cart and he runs around the parents will deal with at least one person telling them that they shouldn't let the kid run or roam.


No matter what someone would find issue with it. I think they were handling it to the best of their ability that night. The parents were probablly tired from working all day and though that the family needed a little time together
since they hadn't been together all day/week. I think we (the general we) need to be a little more understanding and less assuming about thing we don't know about.

[holyhelianthus]

I get always giving the benefit of the doubt, sympathizing, all that and I would agree but there are 2 big factors here- there were two parents and it was for an hour.

I also have a screamer/tantrum thrower. This has happened to us except that there is no way we let it fly. If DH is with us he takes them out. This also has happened when one of them got hurt. We take them out. Forget the other shoppers (though really it doesn't hurt to be courteous) what about the poor kid? All the bright lights, the people around, the hustle and bustle... it has to be overstimulating at least a little. Take them out or to the side (I say this because weather isn't always going to allow) and allow them to calm down and have a word. It's that simple.

Again if it was just mom or dad or whatever yeah it's not so simple but with two parents it makes little sense why something wasn't done. I'm sure someone could think up something but it seems like that'd be the exception.

[felix23]

Originally Posted by magstphil

I get always giving the benefit of the doubt, sympathizing, all that and I would agree but there are 2 big factors here- there were two parents and it was for an hour.

I also have a screamer/tantrum thrower. This has happened to us except that there is no way we let it fly. If DH is with us he takes them out. This also has happened when one of them got hurt. We take them out. Forget the other shoppers (though really it doesn't hurt to be courteous) what about the poor kid? All the bright lights, the people around, the hustle and bustle... it has to be overstimulating at least a little. Take them out or to the side (I say this because weather isn't always going to allow) and allow them to calm down and have a word. It's that simple.

Again if it was just mom or dad or whatever yeah it's not so simple but with two parents it makes little sense why something wasn't done. I'm sure someone could think up something but it seems like that'd be the exception.

We tried taking her to the side, but it just made her scream worse. The only way to get her to stop crying would be to a) leave, which we couldn't do or b) buy her whatever she wanted, which we can't afford and even if we could we wouldn't do it.

It really is not just that simple.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

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[Bug-a-Boo's Mama]

First, it would have to have been an emergency for me to take DS out at 8:30 to go grocery shopping.

Okay so assuming we are in a parallel universe, if DH and I were out grocery shopping w/DS that late (for DS) I would have picked him up comforted him and then passed him to DH to have him walk around w/him. DS would not cry for an hour after being told no, but I also would have shopped as fast as possible at that point.

I would never leave DS sitting in the cart and let him cry for an hour, even if I was by myself. I would have picked him up and comforted him.

Sounds like that DC might have been sick? Maybe the mother didn't want to leave the DC home alone w/the DF because it kind of seems like him might not have been too reliable. Maybe they only have one car and this was the only time for them to go to the store and they needed to get all they needed. Of course while making these excuses, the mother also never picked the child up either. So, who knows.

[Gentle~Mommy :)]

If I try to pick my toddler up during a meltdown, he will arch his back and fight me, kick and scream even louder. I probably would have left the store as no to disturb the other customers, but I would have definitely left him in the cart and not picked him up. LOL

[Amylcd]

The parents still.had.not.picked.this.poor.child.up

Ok, Unless you were watching them for the entire hour - You really have NO idea if they picked him up or not. You are assuming, and making it more dramatic. Not every child stops crying when they are picked up.

[Magella]

Originally Posted by Famatigia

I think we can also judge whats going on with other peoples children by their cries. I can make out an "I want that!" cry compared to a "heartwrenching" cry.

Not all kids have different cries, though. One of mine had the same cry for everything, and it was the "someone is ripping my arms off" kind of cry. I used to think something was wrong with me, as a mother, because I couldn't tell the difference between my child's cries like all the books said mothers could. It wasn't until I had my second child, who did have different cries, that I realized that I wasn't a bad mother and that my first child just had one cry only.

She's 9 now, and she still basically only has one cry (though it has mellowed somewhat). It's still a "something tragic has just happened" cry. Very out of proportion to most of the things she's crying about. Freaks out people who don't know her well, they get very concerned.

So, yeah, I don't think we can judge what's going on with a stranger's child by the sound of that child's cry. I don't think that for one second.

[Amylcd]

So, yeah, I don't think we can judge what's going on with a stranger's child by the sound of that child's cry. I don't think that for one second.

I agree. If someone would hear my 5 year old cry, they would assume she was in the worst pain you could imagine. She has the same cry for everything.

[purplemoon]

Picking up my oldest during a meltdown is a big no-no. Unless you want it to get much much worse of course. My youngest is comforted by being held, the oldest? Apparently torture. Parents know what works for their kids and parents do their best. I hold no judgement.

[Chicky2]

Originally Posted by waiflywaif

Personally I'm just surprised it took over an hour to grocery shop! Make a list, move faster!

Not sure if that was directed towards me or not, but I certainly have a right to shop as long as I wish. Especially if it is a rare treat for me to get to do it *by myself* instead of trying to hurry before my own toddler has a meltdown and disturbs the entire store. Of course I would not allow my child to do that either, as I would have left.

I certainly understand that it is but a brief view into the lives of these parents. That still does not excuse the fact that they let it happen for an hour when ALOT of people would have taken the child out of the store.

[Chicky2]

Originally Posted by Amylcd

Ok, Unless you were watching them for the entire hour - You really have NO idea if they picked him up or not. You are assuming, and making it more dramatic. Not every child stops crying when they are picked up.

Agreed. I still wish they'd have taken him out of the store.

[tjjazzy]

Originally Posted by Krisis

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? My kid will scream for an hour, no problem. Doesn't matter what I do, he screams. It's extremely loud and I'm sure it bothers people in the store. It bothers me. But if I ever had someone come up to me and tell me to take my kid out of the store...



I think that is extremely rude.

i have to agree too (and my ds1 doesn't do this) that yelling at the parents is rude. how will yelling at the parents solve anything? it will just make the situation worse and yelling in front of the child is no worse than doing nothing to stop his yelling.

[jjawm]

My dh had the police called on him once for holding our screaming dd when he walked her to the park (I was at my nearby doctor's office). She was screaming bloody murder enough for someone to call the cops, because she didn't want dad, she wanted mom. The police assumed she was being kidnapped.

When there is a screaming child, I don't judge, unless I see someone beating or yelling at them, or unless I have more information. You just never know what was going on.

[felix23]

Originally Posted by Chicky2

Agreed. I still wish they'd have taken him out of the store.

Maybe he is like my dd and taking him out of the store would have only made him scream and cry worse.

[BroodyWoodsgal]

Yes, I think I have to agree...I mean, even outside the realm of parenting and whether it's nice or necessary to ask the parents to leave the store...proper etiquette would suggest that it is always rude to approach a stranger in that manner and ask them to leave...really, for any reason.

I think if you should feel SO strongly compelled that you would WANT to do that...the proper thing to do, is approach a manager or sales associate and alert them to the behavior which is troubling you. After all...the people with the screaming child don't own the place...but you don't, either. Store policy, which would pertain to what activities are not allowed in the store, is not set by YOU...it can be influenced by you...if you share with a manager a compelling arguement...but really, store policy is store policy and the store should decide whether someone is causing enough of a disturbance that they should be asked to leave the store.


All THAT being said...I want to repeat: I think, in a situation like this, with so many unknowns, so many possibilities for why and how this situation was taking place...the best course of action...use a little compassion and imagine yourself, somehow, in the shoes of the other parent.

When I am faced with a situation like that...I try to imagine being in that parents place. I try to view the situation with unjudging eyes, and cut the parents some slack...even give a small smile and perhaps an "I've been there, crummy day huh?" if it's appropriate...all in the hopes that someday, when my perfect angel of a kid, is totally melting down in the middle of the grocery store and I feel all these judging eyes staring at me and feel surrounded by reinforcement of the idea that somehow I'm failing as a parent...that perhaps some kindly mama will give a small smile and say "I've been there, crummy day, huh?" because at it's bare bones, sometimes parenting is just about making it, we've all had days like that.

[AutumnAir]

Originally Posted by Magella

Not all kids have different cries, though. One of mine had the same cry for everything, and it was the "someone is ripping my arms off" kind of cry. I used to think something was wrong with me, as a mother, because I couldn't tell the difference between my child's cries like all the books said mothers could. It wasn't until I had my second child, who did have different cries, that I realized that I wasn't a bad mother and that my first child just had one cry only.

She's 9 now, and she still basically only has one cry (though it has mellowed somewhat). It's still a "something tragic has just happened" cry. Very out of proportion to most of the things she's crying about. Freaks out people who don't know her well, they get very concerned.

So, yeah, I don't think we can judge what's going on with a stranger's child by the sound of that child's cry. I don't think that for one second.

Me too! It's good to hear I'm not the only one who can't identify all these different crys.

WRT OP - I can certainly see how the situation would have been upsetting for you. I get quite stressed out when I hear other people's kids crying too.

But I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt as far as possible. PPs have suggested a couple of possible reasons why the parents may have stayed with the kid screaming. I can also imagine parents being told to ignore their child's screaming/ tantruming by many 'parenting experts' like their pediatrician, their own parents, books & magazines. I've read a couple of articles that suggest that if you don't ignore a screaming/tantruming child and continue doing exactly what you were doing in stony silence you will end up with a monster child on your hands. If I didn't have other resources I might conceivably buy into it..

[purplemoon]

Originally Posted by AverysMomma

Yes, I think I have to agree...I mean, even outside the realm of parenting and whether it's nice or necessary to ask the parents to leave the store...proper etiquette would suggest that it is always rude to approach a stranger in that manner and ask them to leave...really, for any reason.

I think if you should feel SO strongly compelled that you would WANT to do that...the proper thing to do, is approach a manager or sales associate and alert them to the behavior which is troubling you. After all...the people with the screaming child don't own the place...but you don't, either. Store policy, which would pertain to what activities are not allowed in the store, is not set by YOU...it can be influenced by you...if you share with a manager a compelling arguement...but really, store policy is store policy and the store should decide whether someone is causing enough of a disturbance that they should be asked to leave the store.


All THAT being said...I want to repeat: I think, in a situation like this, with so many unknowns, so many possibilities for why and how this situation was taking place...the best course of action...use a little compassion and imagine yourself, somehow, in the shoes of the other parent.

When I am faced with a situation like that...I try to imagine being in that parents place. I try to view the situation with unjudging eyes, and cut the parents some slack...even give a small smile and perhaps an "I've been there, crummy day huh?" if it's appropriate...all in the hopes that someday, when my perfect angel of a kid, is totally melting down in the middle of the grocery store and I feel all these judging eyes staring at me and feel surrounded by reinforcement of the idea that somehow I'm failing as a parent...that perhaps some kindly mama will give a small smile and say "I've been there, crummy day, huh?" because at it's bare bones, sometimes parenting is just about making it, we've all had days like that.

Well said!

[Jennifer Z]

I have been that parent, and I can tell you that nasty looks don't do a dang thing to help in the situation. If you are frustrated listening to a child cry/meltdown/tantrum, just be thankful you don't have to deal with it every day, all the time. Not all disabilities are visible and assuming the child is just ill behaved and the parents suck leads to a lot of cruetly from the self rightous and snobby parents who have no idea what our lives are like.

I have gone shopping with dh with my son screaming, and my dh has gotten frustrated because it is hard to think with the screams, I have had to just keep going because it wasn't like going home and doing it another time would have been any more successful, nor would taking him outside (although that would been much more dangerous), and we needed to get the shopping done. Talking to him would simply escalate it, and somebody would have been injured if we attempted to pick him up. My husband was there to help because there was a chance he would begin to injure himself or escape the cart and tear everything off the shelves. Such is life some days.

Your "right" to shop in quiet does not outweigh the actual, true rights of people who are disabled (and their caregivers) to participate in life and shop without being criticized, degraded and hassled. For those of you who would actually have the audacity to complain to the store and "take your business elsewhere", you are acting like the people who refused to eat someplace because they "allowed" a black person to eat there. It is truly disgusting.