how do you handle special occasions (birthday parties, etc)?

[caedmyn]

My DD is intolerant to a long list of foods, including dairy, wheat, and eggs, and also sensitive to food chemicals. She has a pretty limited diet although I try not to be too restrictive and do rotate in some foods that she reacts to if she eats them too frequently. As she's getting older some issues have arisen with special occasions like birthday parties and eating out...she's old enough to want the treats and I'm not sure how to handle it. In the past I've just made her a version of whatever is being served (allergen-free cake, for instance) and she's perfectly happy with that, but I'm not sure if that's the best route to take long-term. Sometimes I feel like I should allow her to have the same food as everyone else at these special occasions, but just limit the amount...or maybe even just let her eat whatever. She doesn't generally react to eating any of her allergens once, so it's not like there's going to be a reaction from eating cake & ice cream once. I used to think that it was best to avoid allergens completely even if she didn't react after one exposure, but after quite a long time of strict avoidance and a payoff of an ever-growing list of allergens, I no longer believe she'll outgrow any food intolerances...ever...no matter what I do. I don't know...what would/do you do for special occasions?

[Wugmama]

I've done like you and brought our own versions, and like you my lo is too little to have noticed or cared yet. I think that when my lo is older, if it is a food she has an intolerance to that will give her eczema she can maybe make the informed decision to indulge and pay the price. At least that is what I think about. For now I try to keep her off the stuff that causes her eczema, and for sure off the stuff that she react to immediately. We too have had stuff added to our long list...

~Tracy

[dannic]

I, too, make/buy/bring things for my DDs and I for social gatherings. I have heard the view that allowing ocassional "indulgence" sets you up for a child who sneaks his/her forbidden foods...I'll be interested to hear what ya'll have to say!

[Mama Mko]

I always bring Alexander his own safe versions of whatever everyone else is eating. He has true allergies to milk and eggs so I can't safely let him have those even if I wanted to. He could possibly eat corn which he is only intolerant of but we try to strictly avoid it all the same.

How old is your daughter?

[FireWithin]

For my oldest, who is six years old, we bring our own food. I call ahead to make sure we have as many food similarities. DS reacts to small amounts of food, so small indulgences don't work out.

[Chinese Pistache]

We bring our own. On one hand, I agree with Tracy, at the same time, I think that getting in the habit of bringing your own safe food is not a bad thing for an allergic person to learn, and it makes it normal and second-nature. I don't think small exposures are good, fwiw. Especially not to the biggies (wheat, eggs, dairy, etc.) and that's what birthday food is made of.

[kjbrown92]

All the foods that we avoid are off limits, whatever the reason. I have 3 kids. DD1 (11yo, no intolerances) who eats whatever she wants at parties, DS (9yo, multiple intolerances) who eats whatever I bring for him - cupcake, special food, etc., and DD2 (4yo, multiple intolerances) who eats whatever I bring for her. DS has been restricted off and on since birth (I thought he "outgrew" them 5-6 times but they always reappeared with new symptoms), and DD2 has been restricted since 13 months old. I have individual cupcakes in the freezer that I can take out for parties and frost. I bring food. I make special candy they can have. I try to make things special for them. But I don't want them thinking that their forbidden food is a treat. I want them to know that their forbidden food is bad for them. When DD2 was little there was "happy food" and "sad food" because it would make her tummy happy or sad.

[CuckooMamma]

My girls are allergic to a tremendous amount of things so that bringing something like what others are eating can even be a challenge. For example, we bring a 100% grape fruit leather instead of any dessert besides fruit. That's the closest they get to cake or cookies or muffins.

Despite the fact that it would be sooooo nice for them to fit in a little more or just taste what a cannoli tastes like, I don't give them small amounts. When dd1 was around 3, I'd let her have a little treat here and there at a party. We ended up with her allergies getting much much worse both in intensity and scope (more actual allergens).

I also went through a lifetime of severe and frequent migraines that were only ever managed through drugs, not prevented. I gave birth to dd1 and removed foods from my diet because we were nursing and she was showing a reaction. My migraines decreased dramatically. With dd1 my diet became more severe and they virtually disappeared. Now that dd2 is 4 and nurses infrequently, I began to cheat. It had been 4 years without a piece of pizza!

After the piece of pizza and some chocolate, I had a migraine that lasted 4 days and kept me in bed. Dh had to stay home to take care of the girls. While I know the price I'll have to pay, I still have the desire to cheat. There's some kind of denial that goes on in my head. So, I think for some personalities, the natural consequence doesn't always work. I'm not about to cheat again, but believe me, if I didn't have children and it was just me who would be effected, I might!

I guess I just think it's kinder for the girls to develop a palate and lifestyle where those foods don't play a part, in case they don't outgrow their allergies.