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A Rant...I'm Done, How to I last any longer...

post #1 of 64
Thread Starter 
Ok please don't flame me. I just need to vent. I have made it to 36 weeks carrying these twins and I am DONE. I don't think I can stand another day. This pregnancy is SO uncomfortable. I have not slept in days. I can hardly move. I am neglecting my DS, not to mention my DH. I know, I know, the longer they are in me the better. But I have spent the entire morning weeping. I just cannot take another day of this. I WANT THEM OUT. My entire body aches. Every step I take sends shooting pains up my back and across my stomach. The skin on my stomach is so stretched and tender that even a shirt touching it hurts. No amount of oil or lotion makes it feel better. I feel so unbelievably alone. I never felt this way with my DS's pregnancy.

I know I should be grateful that they have stayed in for so long and that they are good sizes (both estimated over 5 lbs - if you trust the u/s) and that they seem healthy and thriving. I had an appointment yesterday where they checked me and my cervix is very long and posterior - so my doctor does not think I'll go into labor for another week or so. I just can't do it. I need to sleep. I need to stop being so physically uncomfortable.

Please please, for those of you who have BTDT...how did you survive the last weeks?
post #2 of 64
I know exactly how you feel, I was there...the days seemed to be a year long, and the frustration absolutely unbearable. I can remember searching the internet to find others that felt the same way, and wondering how can I do it. You are not alone! You are in my thoughts....
post #3 of 64
I have a friend who went 40w3d with her twins... I'll try to get her to post here for you.
post #4 of 64
Ohmy, mama, I developed PUPPS for about 10 days towards the end of my pregnancy (weeks 40 & 41, maybe? I went to almost 42 weeks.), but I never felt pain walking, and I never went days without sleep. You sound at the end of your rope.

PUPPS was itchy and ouchy and did make my sleep really, really, really, really awful. Is your tummy skin red with streaks and raised bumps? Here is an old MDC thread with lots of good info on how to help you get some relief for your skin just in case it is PUPPS: http://www.mothering.com/discussions.../t-147527.html

Does your DH know how you feel? Sometimes just talking about your frustration with someone who cares can help - and have a good cry, too!

Other than that, I'm wondering if you have anyone who lives near you who can help you to feel a bit better by offering a bit of distraction and/or pampering? A girlfriend who could come and give you a pedicure or watch a movie with you? Could your DH lay with you at night and give you a massage / help you to fall asleep somehow? Do you have family or friends to take your DS out for a while so that you don't feel as guilty?

Is there anything that you love to do that you could still do before the babies arrive - read, sit on the porch drinking tea, go for a massage, etc... I know it sounds silly when you are in the throes of absolute discomfort, but once the twins make their appearance outside of your belly, you won't have the opportunity to do things for you for a looooong time.

Day by day, mama.
post #5 of 64
Yep, I remember those feelings so well! I remember sitting propped by pillows in the bed because I couldn't lie down from all the weight and the heart burn. Oh, and I held my dd's sand bucket up on my belly so it would be easy to reach and puke in because I couldn't bend over to puke in the toilet. Ahhh, good times :

How did I survive at the end with an almost 2 year old? I found a woman at a LLL meeting who had a pre-teen hs'd dd who came a couple days a week and played with my dd while I sat propped in bed reading and watching movies. I decided I was going to eat all the yummy stuff I wanted (ice cream, yum!). I cried to my dh on the phone a lot, to my doula a lot. I reminded myself the end was near. I reminded myself I didn't want any birth interventions if I could help it. I reminded myself that I'd feel horrible if I gave in to an induction and then complications arose. I came here and read how others had managed.

Ultimately, I think I was so afraid of how I was going to handle twins and a toddler all by myself, so that fear kept me motivated to keep them inside for a bit longer. I went to 39.5 weeks, and they were both 7 pounds, everything went smoothly (not even an IV!) and all the discomfort was (almost)forgotten.

You can do it; I know you can. I am a whimp, and if I can hang in there, anyone can! Really! I'm here cheering for you, every discomfort along the way. PM me any time to whine, complain, cry, celebrate a good day...I'll listen. I'll tell you it's hard, VERY hard. I'll tell you it's fine to feel you can't do it any more, but to believe your body that it's still doing it. I'll tell you how proud you're going to feel for each day you last.

You're doing great! Hang in there! Not much longer to go!
post #6 of 64

I LOST it about a week before they were born. I carried them to 39 weeks. At 36 I was so. over. the. whole. thing. and I begged my midwife to make them come out. She calmly and firmly insisted that they needed more time...and they did. Sigh. I was MISERABLE. I could barely walk, had terribly spd, pretty much dozed at night between contractions, had to pee every 12 minutes round the clock, couldn't eat, could NOT breathe, and it was May in Texas. I remember my legs and feet being so swollen only Hobbits would have understood.

I came to a point where I just broke down and then I had to give in. I surrendered and did the best I could. Here's my blog post from that day:

I have found my place of Zen. I have officially let go.

You get a pass on your actions and attitude when you're pregnant with twins. And while it is completely understandable that I've been bitchy and pissy and acting like a child in the throes of a tantrum, it's not acceptable and I know I need to pull myself together. So my husband took a day off work and I spent that time finishing my nesting and taking care of myself and getting as much sleep as possible. And I feel better.

It's time for me to let go. Of my expectations. Of my desires. Of my selfishness. I turn this all over to The One who's really in control. I told my babies how I would like them to be born and that I trust their knowledge of things I cannot know. They will be born the way they need to be born and we'll all be OK in the end.

My house is clean. My carpet has been scrubbed and is white again. My garage is devoid of junk. My housekeeper washed my house from top to bottom. My husband stocked the pantry and chopped veggies and precooked pounds and pounds of chicken. This afternoon we're going to finish getting the laundry washed and dried and put away and the kids are working on organizing and cleaning their rooms.

My world is in order, my mind is clear, and I am ready to give birth to twins--however that happens. I think we're going to see them some time next week.
That was the 14th and they were born on the 21st. It wasn't an easy week. You are doing WONDERFULLY!!!!! I was not dilated until the weekend before I had them, so that doesn't really mean anything!
post #7 of 64
i thought it was hard at 32 weeks

celebrate you have strong babies growing there that will hopefully never see the SCBU or need blood draws, breathing support etc etc......you are doing a FANTASTIC job mama ::

post #8 of 64
It's hard. Rant all you want.
post #9 of 64
I haven't read the other replies...

Mind if I join your club?

I am sooo there! I have been there since week 30. Ok since week 10 really. but recently it has been much much worse. I am 34 weeks now and just ready. I can't sleep, eat, walk, care for my kids.... yeah I am DONE! And it's odd because I was so scared of having them prematurally.
post #10 of 64
Hugs to you, sweetie! : While I didn't carry mine as long, what helped after about week 30 or so was to find a place to float. We had a hot tub on which we turned the heater off and I would just go in there and bob around like a giant apple! It felt pretty nice to get the stress off of my joints and cool my skin down a bit, too, since it was summer time.
post #11 of 64
It has been 3 yrs now and I still remember sobbing intermittantly those last weeks (and I am SO not one to cry much). I feel your pain. I cried almost every night at bed time b/c I knew I wouldn't sleep. Take it hr by hr. Water helped just a tiny tiny bit at times....a not too hot bath felt like heaven.
post #12 of 64

I haven't been there (yet, 14 weeks with twins now), but I wanted to offer support.

YOU CAN DO THIS!! You are a strong woman who was built to give birth to these babies!

I am not one for medications, but what about some Benadryl or some Tylenol PM to help you sleep?

Or maybe visit a chiropractor? That might bring some relief for you.
post #13 of 64
Originally Posted by Intertwined View Post
I surrendered and did the best I could
YES!! Boy, cutting right to the quick for me!

In my case, the discomforts had long-plateued, so it was a mental/emotional shift more than anything. The very worst of our problems were the intense battles we faced for a natural birth and I realize that's different than overwhelming pain and discomfort, but perhaps something I say can be helpful.

I don't know how to say this without fearing it will come out wrong, but it was sort of like watching an impending train wreck in slow motion (although with the obviously important difference that there wouldn't be certain death and destruction!)

There was a very obvious mental shift for both my husband and I that we had done all we could and what would be, would be.

It was calming.

The certainty that the end was coming helped a lot. It was actually completely independent about any lingering worries, any pleasure about meeting our sons. . . anything. It was just the comfort of knowing that in a number of days, or not more than a month, the pregnancy would end. Just end. It was a comfort to know that even if we did our best and the worst happened, it would still have ended. Even a new, awful "normal" would have been an end. to. the. pregnancy.

I guess you take what you can get, eh?

Thinking of you.
post #14 of 64
I made it to 38 weeks + with my surrogate twins and I was so miserable. I remember laying on an air mattress in our living room crying. I promise it won't last forever (even though it seems like it does). You're awesome for getting this far, mama! A gestational rock star, even.
post #15 of 64
: Vent away if that makes you feel better, I know it is tough!
There was a lot of crying, er, uncontrollable sobbing, the last few weeks. Being that big in the winter was rough, I hope it is not blazing hot where you are. Hang in there.
I spent the last few weeks on my exercise ball quite a bit. Just lightly bouncing. Baths w/ trashy magazines when my dh was there to help me out. *Please do not try to get out of the bathtub by yourself right now.* Could you try sleeping in an easy chair w/ some pillows around your belly? Can you get a massage by someone who specializes in prenatal ones? Would your ds think it was fun to camp out in your bed and have snuggle time, read books, color, easy craft projects, movie time?
post #16 of 64
Hugs, mama. What would make you feel better?? Why don't you post some belly pics and we can all oooh and aaaah and congratulate you on the beauty of your body. Or maybe do a belly cast, or get a massage, or a foot massage, or go for a fabulous treat somewhere.....
I'm so sorry that you are miserable. I'm so glad that Chantel posted (Intertwined). I remember how done she was, but she kept going and her babies seemed to really thrive as a result.
We are all here for sympathy, mama. So bend our ears!!!!
post #17 of 64
It was SOOOOOO hard those last few weeks! I had terribly uncomfortable physical symptoms by that point, added to the fact that from 36 weeks on I was living in a state away from my husband alone with our three kids, only seeing him on weekends. I was emotionally tapped out, stressed out, and overwhelmed. I didn't think I could do it any more.

But you just kind of take it one day at a time, you know? Like, I can survive one more day of this. I may not feel like I want to, but each night, just remind yourself that you CAN survive just one more day. If you think of it that way, it's a tiny bit easier to handle.

The other thing I can add is that you just can't rush the babies (short of an induction, which comes with its own risks) to come out before they're ready. I tried walking, swinging, RRL tea, spicy food, EPO, a billion things, trying to get it the heck over with so DH could get his time off from work and come to be with me every day again, and so I wouldn't have to be so huge and miserable any more, and none of it worked. The night I FINALLY gave up, just really threw my hands into the air and decided I couldn't do it any longer, I went into labor the next morning.

Anyway, I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you CAN do it. You really can!
post #18 of 64
I had my babies last August too. I went to 40w3d and I have three other girls too! I kept cool, I rode the little electric wheelchair thing at Target instead of walking...I took naps, I did nothing, I walked....

My husband rubbed my feet every night. I had restless legs which sucked so bad.

I can just tell you that it was so worth it. It will be over soon and letting the babies decide is so worth it!
post #19 of 64
Thread Starter 
Thank you thank you thank you for all of your wonderful messages of support and suggestions. Whew...Friday was a bad day! My DH ended up coming home from work early and letting me cry on his shoulder for a few hours.

It really makes me feel better to know it is not just me, that the last few weeks are really hard for everyone. Over the weekend, through lots of talks with DH I think I realized that one of my fears is that the physical discomforts will not go away with the birth and I will not be able to care for these babies. I can barley walk now, I can't go up and down the stairs, it hurts to sit, it hurts to lie down, what if that does not go away and I have to care for new babies in this condition? Luckily DH reminded me that I will not be carrying around two babies and everything that comes with that once I deliver! It is a wonderful thought and has brought me some peace.

I am trying to just let go now. Let go of my concerns about the interventions at the hospital, let go of my worries about labor and just let it all happen.

All of you are so wonderful for making me feel better, giving me such great suggestions for these last few day/weeks.

Thanks to you all
post #20 of 64
In the interest of full disclosure, while it did get WAAAAAAY better once they were out, it did take a couple of weeks to really start feeling like I had a normal body again. Take it gentle and easy on yourself that first few weeks and make sure you have some help. Your abs are going to be shot and it will take a bit to get used to walking without 20 some odd pounds of baby/placenta/fluid shoved into your abdomen.
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