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Positive stories of siblings with 4-7 year age difference? - Page 2

post #21 of 64
We have 7 years between our first two (DS from a previous marriage was 5 when we got married), and almost 6 years between dd1 and dd2.

DS and DD1 have never had a negative relationship- they aren't close, but never any sibling rivalry stuff. The issues between them now are the typical teenager-being-annoyed-with-tween-sister stuff.

DS adores DD2, I think as a function of being 13 when she was born. He's very protective, very loving. I see them having a great relationship later in life.

DD1 and DD2 are great friends. The only issues we have are now that DD1 is wanting some privacy (she's turning 11), but they still play together daily. DD2 worships both of her older siblings.

FWIW, I am the oldest of 4, each about 2.5-3 years apart. I'm by far the closest to my youngest sister who is 10 years younger than me.
post #22 of 64
My kids are 5 years apart. They love each other dearly. (Of course they still have normal sibling rivalry.)
post #23 of 64
Mine are 5 and 4 years apart.

When they were younger, it was actually very convenient for me, as I only had one in diapers at a time, one in a stroller or sling at a time, one nursing at a time, etc.

I think the older ones had less jealousy of each new baby too, because they were in school or preschool and had sort of a life outside of me, so they didn't seem to resent the baby taking up so much of my time.

And while they were in school the baby and I would have time together...when the baby napped, then older ones would have time with me.

It worked out really well for us from a practical standpoint.

It's hard to say if my kids fight more or less than kids who are closer together....there's a lot more to how siblings get along than just the years between them, you know? Their personalities are what they are, regardless of when they were born.

I know you wanted only postive things, but realistically, there are less than positive things...like everything else there are pluses and minuses.

My oldest sometimes resents being the house babysitter, and I try to be sympathetic to that but there are times when I just have no choice and it is part of her contribution to the household. I just try to make sure she still has plenty of time to herself and that I'm not taking advantage.
post #24 of 64
My kids are six years apart. They are now 8.5 (dd) and 2.5 (ds).

They are very close. They sleep cuddled together in the same full sized bed, by choice. Dd adores her little brother, and ds worships his big sister
post #25 of 64
Well, my dd is 5 and I'm about to "pop" in July...so i can't speak for *her* experience with her soon to be baby brother - BUT -

My brother is exactly 5 years younger than me. We definitely had our share of fights - but we had a lot of fun playing together once he was older (4 and up, i think...probably sooner, but that's when he could actually "play"). We each had our own room but sometimes we'd willingly "move in" together and turn an entire room into a fort and play with ALL of our toys at once - barbies, gi joes, mc donalds toys, blocks - lol. It was quite the crazy city!
post #26 of 64
Mine are 6 years apart, the twins are 7 and DS2 is 20 months old. It has been good, but sometimes the twins are busy with their own stuff. Im not going to deny that DS adores the twins, especially DD becuase she's the one that's always looking after DS2. But they are not close.

It was the samething with my siblings and I. I'm the youngest of 4 children, the oldest was 16 when I was born, my other sister 13 and my brother 10, they are very protective of me now though and we have a good relationship.
I'm sure the same will happen with my kids.
post #27 of 64
this is all very encouraging i was so worried about how everything would work out between our kids. we have two right now 5 and 7 who get along great and fight horribly at the same time. we want to add to our family but not until DP is done with school in about 3 years so its great to hear how it all worked out for you guys!
post #28 of 64
post #29 of 64
We'll see how it goes for my kids too. My older two will be 7 and 4.5 when this one is born. I am not too worried though...I think they will love their new baby brother or sister.
post #30 of 64
I was five and a half years old when my little sister was born. I remember my mum being extremely attentive to me while she was pregnant, and reassuring me that I'd always be special to her.

My little sister and I were best friends from the get go. When she became verbal, I was often forced to play the role of translator between her and my parents. We grew up in a very rural area, without a lot (or any) kids our age to play with. Maybe that's the reason we became so close. For a good five year period, she was basically my little clone. Anything I did, she wanted to do.

Sometimes, when we were riding in the car I would look back at her in the backseat with my face COMPLETELY blank and her little face would flicker back and forth between happiness and sadness, because she couldn't figure out what I was feeling. When I'd smile, her face would light up, and when I'd frown, she'd look crushed. That's how attached to me she was.

I moved out when I was sixteen, and due to issues w/ my parents, we don't get to talk much. At this point she is 16 and I'm 22, but when we do get to talk it's like nothing has changed (except we're both much more mature). She is my favorite person in the world (besides my DF) and we still have this incredible bond where we pretty much always know what each other is thinking.
post #31 of 64
post #32 of 64
Mine are 4 years apart. It was easier (at least than I imagine it would be) when my youngest was born because my older son could do things for himself. He could understand and reason as to why mama couldn't do certain things all the time. He was involved in his own stuff that we kept up with while I was on maternity leave so it wasn't like his whole world revolved around his new brother. He was very helpful to me then as well.

Now, they're 7 and 3. They each are kind of into their own things so there isn't tons of fighting. They are both extremely active and curious and there's no way I could have dealt with 2 going through the same stages close together. I liked the break I got between changing diapers, nightime feedings, etc. My boys are so protective of each other, its amazing.

My brother and I are also 4 years apart and did not get along well growing up. Now we're very close. I didn't want that spacing for my own kids, but with fertility issues, I didn't really get the choice. I wouldn't change it for the world now though.
post #33 of 64
My brother and I are six years apart and have always been very close. I guess the roughest patch we had was when I left home at 16, thereby, in his eyes, abandoning him at age 10. But we had a pretty dysfunctional home life and we were all each other had. With loving parents in the mix, Im sure this wont be near as big of a bump! Not to mention, with loving parnets in the mix, hopefully no one will be bailing out at the tender age of 16 anyway!
post #34 of 64
DD and DS have about a 6.5 year difference, and I love it. DD loves being a big sister and DS thinks the world of her. I'd happily do another big age gap, except that doing that would have put me well beyond my comfort zone for when I wanted to have my children (and due to health complications, probably well past any hope of fertility.) As a result #2 and #3 will be just over a year apart when I have #3.

I was terified of the big gap, but it works so well for our family, that now I'm terrified of the tiny gap we will have.
post #35 of 64
It's lovely to hear these stories, because I'm planning this sort of age gap between my kids, and most of my 'mom' friends are currently having a 1/2 - 2 year age gap between them (i.e. they're already pregnant/have new babies with a toddler), so it's easy to start doubting it.

I myself have a nearly 4 year age gap between me and my younger sister, and it's never made us any less close. In fact we've always been very good friends, and although we fought like probably all siblings do, she tells me I've had a very positive influence on her as a sort of older sister 'mentor', and I enjoyed having someone younger who I could lead in my role-play games!

One thing I think about though, is an aspect that affects the mother (parents) more than the children - the fact that the whole period of being really responsible for children, is more extended than if your children are close in age. That is, I fear that I could just be starting to spread my wings a little and start having more time for my career (I'm currently a SAHm but don't plan to be forever), when I will prob get pregnant and start all over again. To mama's who've done it, isn't it hard going back to that complete loss of freedom again?
post #36 of 64
I have found it pretty hard going back to the complete loss of freedom. I'm feeling it more this summer with kids who are 1.5 and 5.5 years old. Last year, our baby was still pretty portable. On the other hand, we're just all more flexible. With DS, we were total bedtime Nazis, for example. With DD, we're more willing to be a bit flexible if that is what is working for the family. She's also more the kind of kid who can roll with things like that.

I think our situation is a bit more difficult than average because DD has a gross motor delay. So, she's not walking at 18 months and that makes it harder for the two kids to play together. The two kids are crazy for each other but it sometimes feels like they don't quite know what to do with each other. That could be personality too.

I was very worried about this age gap and it wasn't my choice. But generally, it is working out fine. I wouldn't say that DS is much help with DD, but he's definitely able to understand when we have to do something to take care of her and so he has to wait.

On the other hand, while it is hard going back to the baby phase, it's easier to not have two babies at once.
post #37 of 64
One of my best friends has a sister exactly 6 years younger than her. When the parents brought the baby from the hospital, my friend 'stole' her and carried the bassinet around the neighborhood shouting 'I have a baby sister!' They adore each other now, although they have different personalities and sometimes clash, and have been roommates for years while studying and working in the city.

My husband has a brother 7 years younger. There has never been any jealousy and they love each other, although they are polar opposites. BIL has actually been living with us for a year or so.

I plan on a gap of at least 4 years if we decide to have any more.
post #38 of 64
Originally Posted by Devaya View Post
To mama's who've done it, isn't it hard going back to that complete loss of freedom again?
I loved it and embraced it. I knew what I was choosing, and I really wanted that experience all over again. Dd was older and needed me less, and I was still needed to mother intensively. I enjoyed every minute of it, knowing how brief it is and that it would be my last baby .
post #39 of 64
Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post
I loved it and embraced it. I knew what I was choosing, and I really wanted that experience all over again. Dd was older and needed me less, and I was still needed to mother intensively. I enjoyed every minute of it, knowing how brief it is and that it would be my last baby .
I would agree with this too. I did find it hard to go back to the baby phase. Yet it is a special kind of sweetness to have the space to enjoy my daughter's babyhood. With my son, he was a much more difficult baby and I was a new and not very confident mom. DD is a lot easier and I know what I'm doing so I'm really enjoying her in a way that wouldn't have been possible if our kids had been closer together.
post #40 of 64
Yes, the loss of freedom again is hard, but you adjust. My oldest was 10 when I remarried, 11 when my second came along. Not only had it been just me and my 11 year old for awhlie, he often spent days/nights or even weekends away with his dad, his grandparents or his bestfriend etc. He was also old enough that we enjoyed some of the same things, dinner out with friends, family movies at the theater etc. I had a TON of freedom. I could stay at work til seven or eight on a friday when he was with his dad, catchign up on work in peace while the rest of the staff was gone, go to dinner and a movie or out to dance with my bestfriend, sleep in late the next day etc. Next thing you know not only do I have a baby on the way, but my new fil was living with us and I was NEVER alone in my own home, that was probally hardest on me. Then after dd, I had ds2 19mos later and got ppd. I put 27 most between him and ds3. But everything in life is a trade off. I oten think that one baby fits more easily into the flow of your life than three and perhaps I should have spaced them out more, but I wasnt getting any younger and the up side is that they all play togather all day (where as ds1 constantly wanted/needed me to entertain or provide entertainment). Its just an adjustment is all.

My original plan for having babies was five years in between, so that each child got all that individual attention etc, I had read somewhere that if you put five years between, each child got all the beneftis of being an oldest/only child in terms of attention, IQ, stuff like that. Plus it worked for me and my brother. I guess in that case you really raise one, then have the next one, as opposed to raising a passel togather. The up side is that you only have one at a time in that very needy baby stage.

I think there are pluses and minuses to each type of spacing, close or far.
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