When Do You Step In?

[momma_unlimited]

I'm interested in hearing from other mothers, what triggers you to step in and physically stop an action your child is doing?

Lately, I feel like I am having to do this often with my just turned 2 yr old, since I am not spanking, *trying* not to raise my voice, and just in general trying to let him explore his newly found sense of personal autonomy without engaging in countless power struggles..

But he has a fascination with the oven door. He likes to open it, stand on it, and get up to the stove to play cook... its not the kind of oven door that's easy to lock, although I am trying to find some sort of lock... he is also changing the settings on the laundry machine *while* its going. A few other things, resisting carseat, playing with the bathroom sink faucet (we have a shallow well so cannot just let the water run, esp if it is in use eslewhere in house)etc.

[SandraS]

I learned to pick my battles. If standing on the oven door isn't hurting the door, then I wouldn't stop him. There are just some things not worth the effort. And yes, if you were cooking it would be bad, but I'll bet the heat would deter him long before he climbed on - but that's JMO.

Water play and things like that rarely bothered us, because that's what towels are for. Yeah, it's a pain, but eh. The time we didn't catch them coloring on the wall? No biggie. We then made a wall in the play room they could color/paint/draw on freely.

This is a rough one for me to answer. We are so ridiculously laid back in this house, it's almost funny. Frankly, there just wasn't/isn't much I have to intervene with. The now-4 year old learned how to climb up on the kitchen counters to get snacks out of the cupboard when she was about two - we didn't stop her, and it made her quite independent. That's just an example - sure she could fall - but she can fall walking across the kitchen floor. That's pretty much our take on life.

I guess I wasn't much help, was I? LOL! I guess if it were something that was truly going to harm them or someone else, I would step in. I can't think of much else...

[kiwiva]

I pick my battles and I also intervene. I have zero tolerance for playing with the oven door or stove knobs as I see it as a safety issue. So DD has always been removed from that gently and then redirected.

DD LOVES water. She could only reach the hot taps in 2 bathrooms tho, which was a safety issue so we turned off the hot water. So she pours her cup everywhere. Water play is constant here so if it is something that just can't happen (pouring it on electronics or boxes or something) I just redirect her to a way to do it that is not problematic for me and I get her to help with towels so as to avoid slipping on the floor. So maybe in your case, "oh you want to play with water, why don't we..."

The carseat problem, I'd try making a game of it or something (that was a short phase for DD). Can you put a baby gate or something in front of the washer? I find that redirecting to a way to do the action they want to do helps avoid huge power struggles. If they are jumping on the bed or something, get them to jump on the floor. I think another effective way to do it is to use very neutral language about it while redirecting. If you are reminding of the rule, "we don't play with the stove," use no emotion in your voice. Gets the point across without adding great importance, thus making them dig in their heels.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

i intervene with danger (standing on the oven seems dangerous to me, but we have gas stove that ds could turn the burners on if he tried, so WHOA *fire* and all)

i intervene if someone might get hurt (climbing on the dog, swinging the umbrella, running with scissors, you get the picture)

with the washer, I'd let ds turn the washer on and then explain it can't be touched again until its done and we'll know its done because it beeps, or we don't hear the sound anymore whatever (that's what we do with the dishwasher although it has a child lock so he can"t change the settings)

[elizawill]

i agree with previous posters. i would intervene with the oven and redirect every.single.time.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by elizawill

i agree with previous posters. i would intervene with the oven and redirect every.single.time.

Me, too. And it's been going on for nearly 1.5 years now with Sophia and her obsession with the dang oven. Redirect, pull her off, distract, tell her it's not safe, tell her feet on the floor, offer a stool/chair instead.... sigh.... still working on her staying off the oven. Yesterday, she accidentally bumped the burner knobs while trying to hold the oven door handle and using the broiler drawer edge for her feet. Gassy smell all over in a short time so I quickly realized the knobs had been bumped on and had to burn them a short while to get the gas gone.

[elizawill]

Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~

Me, too. And it's been going on for nearly 1.5 years now with Sophia and her obsession with the dang oven. Redirect, pull her off, distract, tell her it's not safe, tell her feet on the floor, offer a stool/chair instead.... sigh.... still working on her staying off the oven. Yesterday, she accidentally bumped the burner knobs while trying to hold the oven door handle and using the broiler drawer edge for her feet. Gassy smell all over in a short time so I quickly realized the knobs had been bumped on and had to burn them a short while to get the gas gone.

i don't know if this would help, but my dd has a wooden kitchen set when she was younger. she loved it so much (we actually upgraded to a bigger one when she was 5 1/2. she's almost 8 & still plays with it, lol)! it has an oven, sink, counter top, and fridge. she has also learned to actually use the oven & with my close supervision (but no interference) she can cook pancakes all alone! maybe start cooking with your toddler some & also buy her a toy stove - you 2 can bake play-doh cakes in it!

[LCBMAX]

Agreeing with all of the above - would like to be more free-range, but can't quite get past the image of 17 month old cracking his head on our tile floors after falling from the table top, and can't decide which rugs to sacrifice to that area of the house.

Took all the knobs off the stove, and our naturally hot pilot deters touching of stove top.

Also removed the handles for the water in the bathtub - an adult can manage it barely. We let him play with a slow dripping trickle of our expensive water, which turns out to be just as fun as a fast stream, given the right toys.

All messes are all right, all the time. If something nearby is too hard to clean, it is removed and the mess goes forward as directed by toddler.

Knob for dishwasher is used only to turn it on, then removed so he can't change the cycle while in progress.

Dogs are eating lots more than they used to now that baby can get to the dog food supply (I'm afraid he's eating some too) so we give them less in their bowls, and let him have the pleasure of feeding them little fistfuls when he wants to. Happy happy dogs.

Etc. etc.

Still intervening (verbal observation, calm "no", and redirect) when he tries to put keys and other metal object into outlets, and on principle when he tries to put plastic or his fingers in them, but that's just because he's too little to understand the distinction. Still intervening when he uses hard objects to pound on glass, or tries to bash a china cup on the tile floor, less so when he bangs his plastic plates -- they do still break, and can cut, but the overall risk of injury is so much lower. In that case I try to make a game of gently putting the object down, and offer an alternative banging bashing game. This behavior is really our bugaboo right now, hardest to manage out in the world where alternatives to bang may not be easily at hand.

[mamameliaISback]

danger - that's when i would intervene. as mentioned in a different post, i have and would not hesitate to intervene if there was a possibility that my two older daughters could hurt thier younger sister.

-ovens and stovetops are not to be touched.
-no picking up baby sister at all or putting anything in her hands or her mouth.
-no going outside (to the front only) without an adult. i didn't use the "without permission" thing since they would probably give eachother permission to go outside! LOL
-no opening doors when someone knocks. mummy or daddy only open the doors.

that's about it.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by elizawill

i don't know if this would help, but my dd has a wooden kitchen set when she was younger. she loved it so much (we actually upgraded to a bigger one when she was 5 1/2. she's almost 8 & still plays with it, lol)! it has an oven, sink, counter top, and fridge. she has also learned to actually use the oven & with my close supervision (but no interference) she can cook pancakes all alone! maybe start cooking with your toddler some & also buy her a toy stove - you 2 can bake play-doh cakes in it!

Completely unreasonable given our circumstances... $$$ and space. However, they do have a lego table and toy dishes and sometimes I pull out those toy dishes and they pretend to cook on their table. If I'm cooking, it makes no difference. They are more interested in what I'm doing than in what they're pretending to cook. Sophia's obsession with the stove has more to do with seeing what I'm doing (there is truly no room for her to stand on a stool and watch and have enough space left for me to stand there and cook), and to use it to climb up onto the counters quicker. We do cook together when possible. Heck, one morning I woke to find my older daughter had pulled 3 eggs (just 3) out of the egg carton in the fridge, had cracked those eggs into a frying pan, had placed a dining chair in front of the stove, had acquired a spatula from my utensil drawer, and was standing on the chair 'cooking' eggs for her self for breakfast. Luckily, she hadn't tried to turn on the gas burner. And don't even get me started on playdoh! My mom bought some for them against my wishes. Argh.

[Tigerchild]

Even though you wouldn't know it to look at them, most electric oven ranges are NOT bolted to the wall. They can tip. I would have never known that, except for the parents of one of my nanny kids would generally let their kids do whatever they wanted however they wanted (literally) on the weekends when I wasn't there--and the just-turned-three year old jumped on the oven door, tipped the range, got a huge bruise and stitches from having one of the burner-grate things fly off and hit him in the face, and broke his arm from his prompt ejection onto the floor. Thank god it only rocked and did NOT fall over, and he was running around like nothing had happened by Monday when I went back to work so all things considered he was none the worse for wear.

I think (hope) that gas ranges are more securely attached for obvious reasons.

But still, while there are many things I'm willing to pick my battles on, letting a child stand on an oven door is not one of them. Especially if they've got any bounce in them at all.

I generally intervene with potential destruction of property other than that child's (they can rip up their own books or drawings to their heart's content, but they may not rip up shared books or other people's drawings or mama's books), or when something has the potential for serious injury. (sliding in your sleeping bag 'toboggan' from the half way up landing to the bottom of the stairs? Go for it. Sliding from the top which involved a ninety degree turn and an 18' drop potentially? Nope. Sliding on top of your brother? Nope.)

[momma_unlimited]

For me, the oven door issue is one of property destruction as I do believe repetitive climbing will break the door (they already broke the handle off once pulling on it repetitively) and safety, because the burners are electric and don't always change color, so he could stand up, not know it's still hot from me having just made tea or something and grab hold/touch it.

I do let him help me cook. But, he climbs the oven generally when I am not in the room or not cooking at the moment. He also likes to stow away toys in there and since my husband cooks too and often does not have the notion of looking inside the oven before preheating, it's problematic.

He has a wooden kitchen set, wooden food, dishes, pots/pans... he just likes the big people one

So I think this will have to be one of my battles.

[~PurityLake~]

Originally Posted by momma_unlimited

He also likes to stow away toys in there and since my husband cooks too and often does not have the notion of looking inside the oven before preheating, it's problematic.

Yes, I'd forgotten about this. I have those appliance locks, two of them, on my oven door. I preheated the oven and as soon as I turned it on, Sophia began screaming, almost incoherently, at me. I realized after some talking to her, she was saying, 'NOOOO, my CUP!" She had unlocked those childproof locks, opened the oven door, put her plastic cup inside, closed the door, re locked both locks with me completely unaware. It's a darned good thing she freaked out because I was able to save her cup, my oven, and prevent what would likely have been some murderous (I have pet birds), noxious fumes from emanating from my oven.