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Originally Posted by ShineliketheSon  Noone cares anyway...64 views and one response,
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Honey, just because people look and don't respond doesn't mean they don't care. I know I for one started reading the post before this and then I had to leave before I could finish reading it and respond.
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| WHY, WHY CAN'T I GET A GRIP????? |
Because you need
help. You need to make an appointment with at the very least a therapist, someone you can talk to, who will listen. It's this persons job to listen and analyze what you're saying so they can figure out how to help you get better.
Call the insurance company or your general practice doc and get a referral to a psychiatrist and have an evaluation done for PPD, and if you decide medication is the route you need to go on, do it. I'm thankful that I got medication when I needed it, it made a big difference. But it didn't heal me.
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| He's not depressed enough to need therapy right now, it's more situational for him, just a few down days and then he bounces back. It's more that it's my lack of interest in physical touch in any form right now that makes him feel depressed and therefor makes me feel guilty and even more emotinoal because I cause his depressive moments...a vicious cycle. |
And this is such a difficult cycle to be in! Like you said vicious. Talk to him and tell him why you may not be interested in sex right now, but you two can sit together and watch a movie, hold hands, lean into him and have his arm around you. It doesn't replace an physically intimate relationship, but it helps keep the contact going. Cuddling sometimes just makes the movie that much better, and then you go to sleep. Try to hold hands when ever you can, in the car, walking in the store etc
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| And I'm selfish because I keep wanting to do MY thing, for him to worry about ME, for my 4 year old to just go play so I can keep chatting on the computer...I feel like I'm being wanted by everyone...DH wants more physical attention and for me not to be online when he's home and P wants me to play and go places and read and hold her and all the other things little 4 year old girls want to do with their moms and should get from their moms...right now the baby is the only one who really gets my attetion. |
When you're depressed it's hard to get excited about doing ANYTHING. Much less playing with your 4 yr old. I promise I've been there! Think of something that YOU want to and then invite her to play. I personally prefer watching my children play and enjoy themselves. Beyond that we read together, play board games, card games, puzzles, building blocks. I'm just really not that great at imaginative play. I try to follow my kids lead, but they usally tell me I'm not doing it right and we move on.
I can see where your dh is coming from, I know I don't like to stay here behind the laptop after the kids go to bed. Even if we're just watching tv, I'd rather be able to give him my attention on commercials. We can talk and ignore the tv, but it's hard to talk to someone, and feel like their listening when they're looking at the computer.
And the baby is, well a baby! They're GREAT attentions suckers! (I can't think of a better way to put this. I don't mean it in a negative fashion). They can't get by with out your attention. Your four year old can ask daddy for a drink of water or a snack or attention. Your infant can not, and often it's mom that learns the baby's language first. So it's ok that the baby gets the majority of your attention, thta's how it should be right now. And I feel for a lot mothers of more than 1 child, it's learning how to divide your attention among the other family members after a baby is born that is the hardest.
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P stayed at grandma's last night and I woke at 3am missing her and in a panick that grandma may have left the windows open in her ground floor apartment and someone may have hurt or taken P. I texted and called her at 3am till she called me back and said all windows are shut and P is sleeping soundly. I want her to be gone but I miss her and worry when she's not here...
So since P was gone, DH assumed it was okay for DTD...I gave in and he's happy as a clam..but I guess it wasnt as bad for me once we started either. |
I haven't spent the night away from my kids. My husband and son went out for a weekend once, but I was healthy at the time, so I didn't worry. It's natural to worry about your kids and want to make sure they're ok, and it's hard to learn that if they're with someone you trust they're going to stay safe. No one can do as good of a job as you do and that's that. But it's good that you got that break, and got some 'alone' time with dh. Sometimes giving in helps 'break the ice' and get communication or at least some hand holding rolling.
or tryiin to live in the cyber world that doesn't really exist.
