GD approaches for these situations

[seamama11]

Please shed any light if you can.
My son just turned 3 and I have been having a harder time with him the past week or so. A few things that are happening, and it is unclear how to react. We try to never yell, have never used time-outs...which I would like to avoid, but I am not sure what to do about:
1. He seems to fall apart very easily. Happy one second and complete screaming or yelling or crying the next...I try to give him comfort and validate his feelings but some of it seems unreasonable. Like we wake up together and within 3 seconds of being awake he demands I get up and make him breakfast, play.....and if I ask for one minute to open my eyes he flips out.
2. He just started saying f*cking about everything, our faults as we do swear when we stub a toe or something. He was smiling at saying f*cking mommy...I dont want to give it too much attention..but dont want him saying it all the time either.
3. hitting his sister. She is 17 months. She often hits first but he cant let it go until he smacks her back. I try to just look the other way for small infractions, but there are times where he hits hard, or hits other kids.
I guess those are my issues. I have told him to be gentle and hitting hurts for almost 2 years....
please let me know what you do for your toddler regarding hitting, swearing, and screaming fits.
Thanks
Sarah

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Hugs to you, Mama. Having two so young is hard. Having one who is 3 is really hard!

Originally Posted by seamama11

1. He seems to fall apart very easily. Happy one second and complete screaming or yelling or crying the next...I try to give him comfort and validate his feelings but some of it seems unreasonable. Like we wake up together and within 3 seconds of being awake he demands I get up and make him breakfast, play.....and if I ask for one minute to open my eyes he flips out.

Falling apart easily is characteristic of 3. Usually it starts around 2.5, and lasts til about 3.5.

Try your best to anticipate what kinds of things set him off. You won't always succeed, but you can reduce the stress in his life and yours quite a bit. The food thing, for example... you could either have his breakfast prepared the night before, and just pop it into the microwave or whatever, or you could make a special place in the refrigerator with easy-to-grab snacks that he could choose from, and direct him to that place when he says he's hungry (we have: string cheese, applesauce, boxes of raisins, little snack baggies with a few black olives, and those Diego/Blue yogurt drink thingies in ours right now).

It also helps to have an interesting activity set out the night before for when he wakes. I did this with DD for about 9 months. Some things I have set out are playdoh one day, watercolors and brush and paper, a bowl of water and some pennies to wash, a tub of dry rice or beans with toys buried in it.

Otherwise, sympathy and validation, then go into Zen Mama mode and ride it through.

Originally Posted by seamama11

2. He just started saying f*cking about everything, our faults as we do swear when we stub a toe or something. He was smiling at saying f*cking mommy...I dont want to give it too much attention..but dont want him saying it all the time either.

Ignoring is the best thing, and consciously substituting a more acceptable response in when you or DH would otherwise swear helps a ton. In our house, Papa says, "Mary Poppins!" when he's pissed and I usually say, "fiddlesticks."

Originally Posted by seamama11

3. hitting his sister. She is 17 months. She often hits first but he cant let it go until he smacks her back. I try to just look the other way for small infractions, but there are times where he hits hard, or hits other kids.

If you can intervene before he hits back and give him lots of sympathy that might meet his need for something that fills him up better than retaliation. Also letting giving him words to say to his sister, and saying, "use your words" as prompts.

If he hits other kids, I think its okay to remove him from the fun and have him sit with you for a minute or so. Then ask what words he could use instead of hitting before sending him back.

[seamama11]

Thank you so much for your response, that helped a lot.
I know being hungry, tired, and certain transitions (mostly waking up) are hard for him....and most of my frustration comes around naptime, trying to help both kids separately take naps...I may work on getting him to drop his nap....
He is a wonderful, energetic, creative little boy, and I really struggle with how much some of his recent behaviour is bothering me.
Thanks again.
Sarah

[mom2grrls]

3 is a hard age but it does pass and new challenges come lol. Making sure he's getting enough sleep helps out a lot IMO with tantrums and freaking out. As for swearing, weed those words out of your vocab first. When he says it you could introduce a silly word instead, to take the focus off of the curse word. As for the hitting, it's normal for his age they react before thinking. Staying close by and intervening before the anger escalates can help as a 17 mth old and 3 y/o can't really be expected to contain their impulses

[valerie mom of 4]

I'm having an issue with my almost 3 year old DS "falling apart" as well.
I love all the advice that's been given so far

[elizawill]

both my kids fell apart easily at age 3. it was the toughest year with each of them. hugs.