Moms of more than one? Help!

[mbravebird]

Am I crazy, or is this hard? Is anyone else here being challenged by going to two? I have a five year old and sweet little bink is now 3 weeks old. I have been feeling so bad about how hard I've been on my sweet five year old, and then tonight I just lost my temper at him really badly, and now I feel awful.

In general, I've been hard on my older ds because he feels SO big and wild to me -- everything he does seems dangerous. I know I must be hormonal mama bear about the new baby, but it's really hard for me to bite my tongue, and I feel like I'm making him feel bad for being a normal five-year-old.

Then tonight, when I lost my temper, it was after not being able to put wee bink down, even to go to the bathroom, without him *screaming* -- you know how heart piercing and stressful those really big screams are. Then going upstairs and finding my oldest was not going to sleep, was playing instead of sleeping, and then asked me for water when I knew he was just trying to stay awake. I lost it. I feel awful.

Ugh!!! Does it get better? Will I get more patient? Will I figure out how to get back to my more balanced, kind self?? Please tell me yes.

[chely7425]

It will get better. my mom said the first month or 2 after my siblings were born were the worst!! We have had a relatively easy adjustment but I think that is because DS1 is still a baby really (15 months) so it seems easier than having an older one..

[nyakanyasko]

I'm so glad you posted this!! I have been feeling exactly the same way, and losing my temper with my toddler a lot. Especially since my baby hates to be put down, and he's getting heavy fast. Even if he's in the sling I sometimes feel like I can't do much because he hates it if I bend over (like to pick things up or load the dishwasher etc.) and I've been at my wits end all week! Especially since my toddler normally goes to three mornings of day care a week and last week and this week her daycare lady is on vacation. I'm so glad to hear it gets better. I've been figuring people must survive somehow, but I've been feeling really bad about my lack of patience for my daughter

[mouthcave]

Yeah, I keep losing my temper with my two year old. I feel terrible! In the heat of the moment, it's like, "JEEZ you are practically a grown up compared to this newborn! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!" which is obviously ridiculous because he is just two!
uhh i was going to write more but my tiniest one is crying and the bigger one is yelling something about the cats going in his hole??? oh man.

[maxwill129]

Yes, it is hard, but it WILL get better! I went from 3 to 4 and have just recently started venturing out of my house (I still feel overwhelmed, but am adjusting!). My youngest is 4 weeks old today. I think with each addition it is an adjustment and it's especially hard on mommy when you're spending more time with baby (because of nursing, etc) and feel like your other kid(s) are not getting attention. Pretty soon life will resume, a little different than it was, but you will get in a routine and will figure out how to give each child their individual attention.

Hang in there!!!

[rebeccalynn]

Crashing, but hope that it is helpful. My 3rd was due yesterday. My dd1 was 22m when dd2 was born and this time dd1 will be 4 1/2y and dd2 will be 2 1/2y when baby #3 is born.

In my situation, sleep helped everything in my life immensely. I had to make myself go to bed after I put my dd1 to bed every night for the first 2-3 months. It was not fun to make myself go to bed at 7-8pm every night but I handled the next day soooo much better if I did even if I was just laying in bed just resting for part of that time and not actually sleeping. We did not do things that were not essential in our house. On Saturdays and Sundays, dh and I made sure that we got some quality time together by having a babysitter or something for dd1 to do. Also, my wonderful dh did 30min of housework/cleaning in the evening after me and the kids were in bed. He did things that were hard for me to do during the day or the most urgent on our list. It really made a difference and he had another hour or 2 to play a computer game, read or whatever and still get into bed at a decent hour also.

I also did grocery shopping online and he picked it up on his way home or later, I got up and did it early in the morning or at the kid's bedtime with no children or with only the baby.

[amandaleigh37]

nak

Yes it's hard My babe is only 8 days and my older DS is 2 1/2... I feel really bad about how little time I've spent with him this past week. My DH has been great & has kept him happy & well taken care of... then when I finally get the baby put down & try to do something with DS, he will say "No I want daddy to do it!"

Today DH went back to work (for 1/2 day). DS is napping and I'm nursing the babe and I really need to change my clothes because I already have pee, spit-up, and breastmilk stains all over me. Not to mention I haven't eaten yet..... and I'm looking around the hosue at all the mess... and it's just overwhelming. I know it will take time but it's hard to only do one thing at a time.

So: no, you're not crazy. It's HARD!!

[mbravebird]

Thanks, everyone. I'm a bit bleary-eyed, and need to go to bed, but I wanted to say thanks for commiserating and suggesting. I think the early sleep suggestion is probably right on; that would probably really help me.

Today went better because we got out. The park, the library, and the store. It was exhausting, a herculean effort really, but it was worth it -- I felt more patient, like a normal parent again. I'm not sure how often I can do that, but it helped today.

OK... to bed.

[jessielove]

Yes, it's hard! Going from four to five has been the easiest transition for me so far because my oldest is big enough to hold the baby every now and then so that I can do something like use the toilet or throw some dishes at the dishwasher, and my other youngest is big enough that she's mostly able to do things like get snacks and drinks and use the toilet herself. Going from one to two was very hard and two to three was even harder, in a large part because the older siblings were still very young at the time.

Go easy on yourself. It's always tough adding someone new to the mix, and especially so when that someone new is so small and depends on you so much.

[Alohamelly]

I struggled a lot in the beginning, am still having sort of a hard time, but am managing (somehow). I can't wait for things to get easier!

[MangoMommy]

I went from 2 to 3 but my other kids are a little older (6 and 8) so that helps. I have felt horrible about how much time I'm not spending w/them, as it seems that I am holding/nursing the baby ALL THE TIME. (which is pretty accurate LOL) Yesterday I helped my 8 yr old clean her room and we chatted about dolls for about 40 mins and she LOVED it and has since been begging me to come talk to her again. It's tough trying to juggle everyone, especially since the baby really needs you the most.

The sleep issue is a big one. Plus getting a shower helps me tremendously. That is the first thing I do. Nurse baby, put her in bouncy in my bathroom and jump in~!! Sometimes she cries (she did when she was really young) but now that she's 6w she usually chills for about 10 mins. By the time I'm getting out she is crying so I dry off and scoop her up and nurse and then go back to getting dressed.

[mbravebird]

I haven't been on here as much because I am trying the early-to-bed thing. My dh has had the last two days off, and it's amazing how much easier it is. Plunging in to the back-to-work rhythm again tomorrow...crossing my fingers? Holding my breath??? I dunno...

[Erinz]

I haven't been around much --- um ya 2 is pretty freaking hard. WE're in a rhythm now that everything has settled but I find myself constantly scratching my head wondering why anyone would have more children than this!

Hard work! ACK!

[beachcomber]

It's been a big transition in our house, too. My DD is 3 1/2 and a lot of the difficulty has been because she's right in the middle of that 3rd year. Full on defiance, temper tantrums, constantly questioning everything, always wanting my time, interrupting, yelling, screaming, and on and on. I know it's the age and stage she's in. But there are moments, I tell ya, when I really want to just let the madness envelop me and wallop her. I don't (and never would!) but wow. Just ... Wow.

Fortunately my little guy (7 weeks old now) is a very mellow babe. Big - over 13 lbs now - but very laid back. It's been a real gift.

[Voltige]

Originally Posted by beachcomber

It's been a big transition in our house, too. My DD is 3 1/2 and a lot of the difficulty has been because she's right in the middle of that 3rd year. Full on defiance, temper tantrums, constantly questioning everything, always wanting my time, interrupting, yelling, screaming, and on and on. I know it's the age and stage she's in. But there are moments, I tell ya, when I really want to just let the madness envelop me and wallop her. I don't (and never would!) but wow. Just ... Wow.

This is my son. He will be 4 in Sept. Last night was arguably the worst EVER with him. SO close to slapping him

He is sleeping less at night than the babe right now. VERY difficult.

[beachcomber]

He is sleeping less at night than the babe right now. VERY difficult.

Hugs to you, Mama. DD is in the very same situation. I'm lucky if she's only up twice a night. Whereas my DS sleeps for 5 hours at a stretch. Weird. She never did that even as a baby.

[Ianthe]

We are 2 weeks here and I'm having a pretty hard time with it. I forgot how much work newborns are, and feel like I am always yelling at my 2 yo.

(nak)

[maxwill129]

Originally Posted by LizzyQ

We are 2 weeks here and I'm having a pretty hard time with it. I forgot how much work newborns are, and feel like I am always yelling at my 2 yo.

(nak)

I know you feel horrible for yelling at your 2 year old, but kids really do forget about things like that. My now 6 year old got yelled at when my DD was born, my now 4 year old got yelled at when my DS was born and all three kids now have gotten yelled at since this baby was born. They kind of take it in stride. I'm sure you're a GREAT mommy who is just having a tough time. Be gentle on yourself because it IS hard and it IS stressful for a while, but remember that you will get into a routine and you'll wonder "What was so hard about adding another child?" And THAT's when number 3 will come along...

[Ianthe]

Originally Posted by maxwill129

but remember that you will get into a routine and you'll wonder "What was so hard about adding another child?" And THAT's when number 3 will come along...

OMG : I dont know about that, lol!!

[lovingthis]

yes ! This is hard. I am trying to adjust to three, while we have had family in town, with the exception of a few days, every day since she got here ( June 13th). So as much as I love having them here this time ( we were overseas the last times), I don't think it is helping me to get the hang of this.
I asked a friendtoday, who has 3 under 3, if it is hard just because Beatrix is tiny right now, or because there is three of them- her opinon is that it is a combination.
I kind of feel like I bring it on myself though, because I never want to put her down. Regardless, I am trying to remind myself that no matter how overwhelmed I feel, I willget the hang of this eventaully- granted, I am really dreading going back to school/contemplaitng not going back at all.... and I have one semester of full time school work and my student teaching left- but i just can't imagine going full time anymore