7/13 - 7/19 Chat - Page 2

[nancy11]

I want Indian food, now.
Well, maybe later on today...

I'm not trying to rush my dude, but I can tell when he's being a whiny kid versus having a need. I just don't want him to get any brilliant ideas about manipulating me further. He went to sleep mostly awake last night after being fed, changed and watching his mobile. I thought he was going to act up again, but he went right off (at 9pm) and never woke up (until 6am).

Zack is well-aware of how to get me to do things, so I just want to guide the communication in the right direction and not misinterpret his signals. Overall, I think he has good habits. I hope they stick.

[racie0417]

Mel--Maybe you can share that libido with me.

Michanders--I miss sleepy nursing--that was my favorite part of nursing ODS. I hope that schedule/routine just keeps developing.

Lindsay--Poor Sophia getting sick. Now, I want Indian food too. I am counting down the days with you. Ben does have reflux and is medicated for it, and we have seen improvement....just not enough...

Nancy--I wouldn't worry about manipulation yet. Honestly, babies just have NEEDS at this age. I didn't see true manipulation until 14 months, although before that you can start seeing wants versus needs.

Me--Ben slept a good long stretch last night, but required an hour of walking to fall asleep after nursing. ODS is having more and more problems with anxiety and freaking out. DH asked me last night why our kids are always crying. I told him that I wish I knew.

[nancy11]

Originally Posted by racie0417

Nancy--I wouldn't worry about manipulation yet. Honestly, babies just have NEEDS at this age. I didn't see true manipulation until 14 months, although before that you can start seeing wants versus needs.

I think you'd be surprised if you saw this guy -- on occasion. Zack just peed all over himself while I was cleaning up his poopy diaper mess and I asked him plainly, "What'd you do that for?" with a disapproving look. He smiled. I see myself in him... scary! :-O

There are hints of the child to come, no doubt. If anything, I am too attentive.

People have needs at every age. But, to me, that doesn't mean they should be unaware of how to communicate them effectively. I'm just trying to encourage good habits and a tight relationship. More often than not, I follow Zack's lead. He's very obvious most of the time and the last thing he is, is neglected.

If Zack is amenable to forward-thinking and trying out some things, which he appears to be, then there's no reason I shouldn't give it a go. Sure, he's just a wittew baybee, but I can see the gears turning quite often and I am a big fan of heading them off at the pass.

Only during the first two weeks of his life did he ever seem "needy" or truly dependent. Now he almost seems to get bored and I think I'm going to have my hands FULL when he's mobile. But then, I think I want that. Crawl > Walk > Run > Ski.

Every kid is different. I'm totally taking my cues from Zack and they change weekly. It's truly amazing.

PS: I love how he talks to the ceiling fan.

[racie0417]

NAK

Nancy, I get what you are saying. I just don't want you to stress over self-soothing. If Zack can do it early, great. If he isn't ready yet, great....it will come before you know it, and then you'll miss it.

Watching a toddler amazed me b/c they are so much more intentional than a baby is, and you don't even realize it until you have a whirlwind of an opinionated toddler....and honestly, babies seem much more baby-ish compared to toddlers....just like my 23 month old probably seems like a baby compared to a 4 year old.

[nancy11]

I hear ya. I'm not worried, it's more concern than worry.
Zack only recently started chewing on his hand instead of screaming for food.
And for sleeping, the swaddle seems to solve most issues.
He is a content child. I do feel fortunate.
I don't mind the occasional falling asleep while eating, then being put to bed.
He just did it...
I just don't want it to be a habit.

Zack is not on any kind of schedule. I feed on demand and he just happens to sleep at night. Daytime naps are sporadic and he really winds down in the evenings.

The only thing I am trying to work with, are his cues and our communication.
For example: He wants to eat. I can see the signals, and I prepare his food and stick a bib on him. He gets VERY excited and sometimes starts wailing while I'm trying to get the bottle ready. Now, Zack knows what's coming and he's never had to wait very long for food. But, the crying for no reason is something I would like to nip in the bud. Can't you just hear it? "BUT MOMMY I WANT IT NOW!!! WAAAAAA"

I'm sure I'll never completely eliminate that scenario, but minimizing doesn't hurt -- does it? It's all about our relationship.

Zack knows he's cute, too. And, of course, I can't help but fall into his little trap.

[ShineliketheSon]

Crummy morning, I hope P's chiro adjustement helps her...she's been sooo cranky and clumsy lately.

Looking forward to therapy tomorrow, yet dreading it KWIM?

Signed P up for preschool at our church today, 3 afternoons a week, she is excited. I hope I'm making the right decision, I still plan to homeschool but I think we both need this year with a little seperation to allow us to get adjusted. I'm both sad and relieved, I can always change my mind...so trying not to think about it. Feeling more and more our family is complete for many a reasons, makes me feel relieved (though still want to be apart of the birth world somehow in the future, hmmmm)

[wobblykate]

Racie, have you considered calming herbs for either of your boys? I don't have a lot of knowledge in that area, but I've seen the amazing effect teething tablets (which are mostly chamomile) have on Eden and it might be worth a try.

The swaddling at nap time worked well yesterday, although it took a long feeding to get her to stay asleep. Then it was rather late and I had to pick her up and drag her to an appt. Oh well. She of course charmed everyone there.

Lindsay, you do have 2 amazing daughters! Congratulations!

p.s I just fit back into my favorite red capris from last summer!!! I don't think I lost weight, but maybe my hips are returning somewhat to their previous location!

[racie0417]

Shine, I am having the same thoughts about our family being complete. For me, it is a bittersweet thought.

Kate, we use Gripe Water with YDS, which has chamomile. I even used it today to cure ODS's hiccups and it worked like a charm. I do use Hyland's Teething Tablets when ODS is teething. I have been trying Valerian with him, but haven't see any change. I've thought about trying Rescue Remedy, but just haven't gotten motivated to buying some more (we use it with our cats).

YDS is napping in his crib....he has only slept 40 minutes in the past 7 hours. He needs the rest and I am exhausted. There is a picnic at DH's work this afternoon and I am dreading it. I told DH he is in charge of ODS. I have been trying to plan YDS's baptism which will be the end of August when his godparents can fly out to us. Since ODS's birthday is near then, I'd like a joint party for ODS's 2nd b-day. Thee logistics of planning a small aprty are more difficult than I thought they'd be though.

[Lindsay1234]

Originally Posted by wobblykate

p.s I just fit back into my favorite red capris from last summer!!! I don't think I lost weight, but maybe my hips are returning somewhat to their previous location!

Yes!!!! Im wondering when my hips will go back to normal. Im 15 lbs under pre preg weight but I still cant fit into my clothes. Its so weird!


Shine - DOing the preschool will be great for both of you. IT will be nice for you and baby to have some alone time and it will be great for the older one to make some friends. I LOVED seeing dd1 interact with others when she was that age (I did church preschool 3 days a week too) It gave me a nice break and cleared my head.

Today Im CRAZY emotional. Today is the last day Sophias primary nurse is working with her. She is going on vacation and wont be back til after we are discharged. I BURST into tears when she told me. Not only is she the nurse weve had since day one but she also saved Sophias life when she went into cardiac arrest on her 2nd day of life.
We have become friends and Ive really leaned on her for support, hugs and advise. She gave me all her info and were going to stay in touch (shes in her 30s and has a 2 yr old and preg so we can do parent-y things). She started crying this morning when Sophia gave her a smile, she said "Oh Sophia, Im going to miss yo so much!"

So Im going to make a little photo album for her of Sophia (like 10 pics) and send her a nice card. How the hell am I suppose to thank this woman?! Or the whole NICU team for that matter?!

[Peony]

Shine- I understand those feelings. DD1 has never been to school either, she is going to 1st grade this fall. I'm sad and excited for time away from her at the same time.

Lindsay- Bake something, if you ever have free time anyway. When I was a floor nurse, we loved baked goods patients/families would drop off. When you are working 12 hours shifts, something you can grab and eat can be wonderful.


Julian is crashed out in my lap at the moment. Poor guy has barely slept this week, we've just been too busy. I need to get up, I have to be somewhere in 30 minutes but I feel bad waking him up again. He rarely falls asleep nursing, he just isn't a comfort nurser, he prefers his binky. Once he is asleep then I can usually lay him down but not until he is asleep which is totally fine by me. They are only little for so long! Though I'm having to work on my 2.5y because I can't lay down with her for naps anymore with Julian, he is always awake during that time of day now. Today she finally went to sleep with an armful of stuffed animals.


I so jealous of those weight loss stories everyone keeps sharing. I haven't lost a single lb since Julian was 8 days old. I haven't been working out, but doesn't running my butt off chasing after 3 kids count???? I eat healthy, and heck half the time I don't have time to eat. I know from previous children, my body holds on to weight until 6 months or so and then it slowly comes off, I'm hoping that will happen again this time. I have never weighed this much though, I have 25 lbs to lose, absolutely nothing fits. I have one pair of shorts and 3 t-shirts that I bought that I've wearing over and over again. I'm 4 sizes above my normal size, which totally sucks. I took out my stitches in my foot over the weekend, I'm guessing that I should be able to exercise in another week or two, maybe that will help. Even 5 lbs would help. :

Ack! Look at the time, gotta run!

[wobblykate]

Originally Posted by Lindsay1234

Yes!!!! Im wondering when my hips will go back to normal. Im 15 lbs under pre preg weight but I still cant fit into my clothes. Its so weird!

hmm..well i had a 9 lber , and it took 3 months, so an 11 lber would take 5, right?

And Peony, i still have a spare tire and i was nowhere near thin to begin with! But i can totally sympathize on the wardrobe!

[emmaegbert]

Shine, a little school may be great for you guys. I really liked those 3 mornings a week when DS was at school and I can be quiet w. baby. Also, he loves it. I can't believe he will be going 5 days a week (until 1) next year. He still seems a baby to me in so many ways.

Lindsay- I am pretty sure a card and thoughtful letter is the best gift really. I don't know any NICU nurses but all the teachers I know (like my mom, best friend, etc) do like treats. But the most meaningful thing is that they really do love and bond with the children they work with. Honoring that is really so appreciated.

Nancy, I've been reading the EC books and trying to do that with Phoebe, and we did baby signs w. our son and plan to use them again, so I am all for establishing a relationship that involves good communication. But when they are impatient or demanding or doing things incoveniently... I think about how babies (and toddlers and kids, to a large extent) very profoundly live in the moment- the emotion the are expressing is usually genuine- and so part of what we do is help them learn to trust us that we will feed them (or get them out of the carseat, or come home when we go out, etc). So, great, if you can establish trust and communication with Z so young. I try to be very conscious that I do not want to push my kids, but just to establish a better base for our relationship. And I try to remember always that what they are doing right now is important- not to be constantly looking past where they are at the moment towards the future (I liked the book "reclaiming childhood" which is a pretty quick read and interesting). Anyway, you know your son best, you are his mom! He sounds like such a great kid.

Oh, and yes, while my internship is unpaid, I managed to get spin it to extend my stipend payments for 3 more months. So, for me it is paid, which is great. That they have been so flexi with me- letting me work at home and all- is great. Still haven't heard for sure about the teaching gig I'm supposed to do all next year though. We're really counting on that income and its just once a week, but as you might have heard, california is in a budget crisis and I am at a UC... who knows.

My weight loss has totally stalled. I am going to visit my parents for almost a month in 3 weeks, and looking forward to establishing a daily exercise regimen (going to aim for 20-30 min a day) and hopefully make some strides in that direction.

[MelW]

I'm wandering around the house wearing a very fitted and revealing halter-top dress and wedge heels with a baby tucked under one arm... trying to decide if I can pull this off for a wedding this weekend. I think I'll do it- but should take it off now before it gets spit-up on and thus adding to my laundry to do before we leave pile.

Got a haircut today, and when I got home my husband whined a little that the baby would only nap in the carrier and woke up if he tried to put her down. Somehow he hadn't noticed in the past two weeks that she wasn't napping unless I wore her or lay next to her the whole time : Luckily we're getting terrific sleep at night to make up for it.

Off to pack some more...

[claras_mom]

Originally Posted by emmaegbert

Still haven't heard for sure about the teaching gig I'm supposed to do all next year though. We're really counting on that income and its just once a week, but as you might have heard, california is in a budget crisis and I am at a UC... who knows.

I read that the proposal Yudof is putting before the regents exempts graduate students from the salary cuts/furloughs, but of course that doesn't mean the course will be offered, the other sure way to save money. Even more money, I should say. Lecturers are so far protected from the furlough/cut scenario by the union, but the union can't protect us entirely--layoffs are still a possibility.

Sorry for the OT digression. Even with what's happening around me--friends in other departments having their loads cut or being let go--I feel relatively secure at the moment, but I passed my sixth year review a long time ago, so it's a different deal than for lecturers in the first 5 years.

We're about to enroll dd1 in a preK program, moving her from the home based daycare she's been in since she was 9 months old. I've made the decision to have her go full time for 5 days rather than 4, which gives me a pang. Dh pointed out that if it weren't for her birthday being past the Kindy cutoff she'd be starting public school in the fall, five days a week, which is true enough. I'm trying to decide now whether dd2 should also be five days/week--the idea being I'd pick her up earlier and keep her out when my schedule permitted, but have the added flexibility of paying for the time. I have another month or so before I really need to make the decision, so I'm trying not to worry too much.

[nancy11]

Originally Posted by emmaegbert

Nancy, I've been reading the EC books and trying to do that with Phoebe, and we did baby signs w. our son and plan to use them again, so I am all for establishing a relationship that involves good communication. But when they are impatient or demanding or doing things incoveniently... I think about how babies (and toddlers and kids, to a large extent) very profoundly live in the moment- the emotion the are expressing is usually genuine- and so part of what we do is help them learn to trust us that we will feed them (or get them out of the carseat, or come home when we go out, etc). So, great, if you can establish trust and communication with Z so young. I try to be very conscious that I do not want to push my kids, but just to establish a better base for our relationship. And I try to remember always that what they are doing right now is important- not to be constantly looking past where they are at the moment towards the future (I liked the book "reclaiming childhood" which is a pretty quick read and interesting). Anyway, you know your son best, you are his mom! He sounds like such a great kid.

Very good points... I do kow that Zack knows darn well that he's going to be fed. Especially, when the bib is put on. He really goes nuts. He also knows the routine for mixing up the formula, but he does seem to freak out once the bib hits. My goal is just to get him to calm down and not be so distressed. Most of the time, I try to feed him before this happens. Today was a great day, as he was calm and patient and listening.

Funny thing he did... I was holding him while on the phone today, and you know how kids bug you when you're on the phone to get your attention -- well, Zack was chattering at me the entire time I was on the phone. At this age it's adorable, but it's the exact same thing as a young child whining while you're trying to talk. Of course, I just loved him up and found it cute...

Anyway, like I said, the gears are turning. I just want to be a part of his thought process. Sometimes I am successful and other times we just wing it.

[ShineliketheSon]

Every morning is now started with some type of toddler fit...how did we get so lucky to barley have any of this the first 4 years and why does it have to start from the moment we wake and be all day long now? I try to be calm and practice love and logic, but there are moments I'm just so tired of the battles inward(me) and outward (her). I feel defeated and it's just 7am.

[michanders4]

Shine, I hope you are able to work through some of this in therapy today. GL

We are up bright and early today! It feels nice to be up but I'm sure I'll be napping with LO later! I have so much laundry to do today!

[ShineliketheSon]

Originally Posted by michanders4

Shine, I hope you are able to work through some of this in therapy today. GL

THanks! I hope so too. Thanks EVERYONE for telling me about their preschool plans, makes me feel better. I know it's only 2 1/2 hours 3 days a week, not too much to make me paranoid but enough to make a difference on both our moods I think!

[michanders4]

Originally Posted by ShineliketheSon

THanks! I hope so too. Thanks EVERYONE for telling me about their preschool plans, makes me feel better. I know it's only 2 1/2 hours 3 days a week, not too much to make me paranoid but enough to make a difference on both our moods I think!

I think it sounds like it is going to be so good for both of you! I bet your DD is going to love it as well!!

[liseux]

Shine, I think your decision sounds like a good one. I'm in a similar spot, I homeschooled my 5 yr old last year but now am putting him in K, haven't decided btwn public or the awesome Catholic school my oldest goes to. He lasted 3 weeks at the Cath school last year, the day was too long for him. I am hoping that he has matured enough for a full day now.

About the self soothing, I like what I heard when my oldest was young, they need to be fully dependent when they need to be so they can be fully independent later on. Attachment parenting appealed to me back when I had my first baby b/c it makes sense to stay close and respond quickly when they are young and then they are secure that their world is a safe place. Dr. Sears, the Continuum Concept, KAtie Allison Granju's book, Attachment Parenting all have good explanations on the needs vs. wants & what is developmentally normal.
Habits aren't really an issue too much in infancy, they change so much. My most happiest quietest baby is the most challenging kid I have! My little Ramsay is sometimes happiest NOT being held, which was a first for me.