I agree with Cativari---it seems that most of the problems are coming from major stress about money, and that is completely understandable. If you are worried that you are going to lose your house, then that can cause enough stress to give you a heart attack.
And, now there is a bit more understanding as to WHY you are given a credit card to use for grocery shopping and asking for things........in your prior postings, you made it sound like it was an abusive situation as far as money goes..........but that isn't the case. If you have shown that you are irresponsible with money, it is only right that your husband has to "control the reins" so to speak. I think anybody in the same situation would do that same thing. If your shopping and spending caused major problems last time, and you had your own bank account cancelled and are unable to open a new one, then that is a good indication that your spending was out of control and your husband has to do whatever he has to do to keep things in a positive credit situation.
Now that one major stressor has been identified, there is a VERY GOOD reason to get a job. That would help a lot of things all-around: You'd be making money to contribute to the household, you'd have a job that would make you feel productive, and it would get you out of the house----and I think that may be a HUGE help. I suspect, although I may be wrong, that some of your unhappiness MIGHT have to do with the fact that you are cooped up in the house all the time, watching the kids, doing laundry, cleaning the house, etc. I think that getting out of the house and not feeling like a handmaid all day, every day, may do wonders for your own psyche. It is tough to stay home all day, with 3 young kids, and have to do housework and take care of those children and then deal with your husband who is stressed out and unhappy too. Getting out of the house, away from the kids, and doing something COMPLETELY different than household chores may help your mind and body. Perhaps you are being more sensitive and easily aggravated by your husband's actions too?
Now that I have read more of your postings, I can honestly say that I do believe you are going over a rough spot in your marriage. You have had rough spots before, and you and your husband have made it through---so, I have faith that you can do it again. What it takes for that to happen is COMMUNICATION. You and your husand MUST, MUST, MUST sit down and get everything out on the table so you can discuss things and come to a solution that is mutually agreeable to both of you. And, once you do that, maybe divorce will be the furthest thing from your mind. But, I think you are confused by the tone of your postings. In one line, you say that you want to save cash because you don't want him to find it and that you asked to stay with a friend, and then in the next line you say that you think that there are just "2 stressed people feeling underapprerciated and he is worse at handling it" than you are. You admit that you are "spoiled" to a degree as far as money and him wanting you to do nice things for yourself. Maybe instead of HIM handling it worse than you, YOU are handling it worse than him!!
It sounds to me like you are just in a bad place in your marriage right now, stemming from financial woes. Instead of plotting and sneaking around to try and save money and have a "backup plan", instead of using that negative energy to think about all the ways you can get away, why don't you change your thinking into a positive direction---and think about SOLUTIONS. The very first thing you MUST do is communicate with your husband. From what I hear, and granted, I could be very wrong, but from what I hear you are not in danger, your needs are being provided for (and MORE if he wants you to do nice things for yourself), your kids needs are being met----you are unhappy because your husband is unhappy and cranky and he is acting unhappy and cranky. I would almost guarantee that you are presently no bed of roses to live with now either. I think your husband has had to deal with a lot of financial issues from your crazy spending in the past and may be dealing with the aftermath. I am sure that in your history there has been a lot on both sides that has been faced and conquered---it seems that there is too much of a history to throw it all away because you both are facing a rough time and both of you are cranky. You say that you love him and he loves you---the reason to get a divorce is because the love isn't there anymore and the turmoil is outweighing the happy times, and has been for a long time---especially with 3 kids. What would walking away (and the way you are talking, "sneaking away" and lying about things so you can one day just "disappear") teach your children about dealing and coping with difficult times? Do you want your kids to lie to you and sneak around on you instead of being honest and talking to you and confiding in you? Even though they are young, they will eventually know what happened and HOW it happened, and how will they feel when they find out that you were lying and one day just took off without your husband knowing? How would YOU feel if your husband did that to you? You don't have just yourself to think about now---you've got 3 young children that you are responsible for teaching and raising with the proper priciples and morals in life.
I also think that you may be "bored", and could be seeking happiness on the other side of the fence. Take it from me---the grass is NOT greener on the other side, if you are having your needs and wants met, if your kids are having their needs and wants met, it you or the kids are not in physical danger, and if this just happens to be a "bad time", there is no reason to "escape" or sneak away. Everybody has bad times, whether financial, health-wise or other, and life isn't without its problems. The way to solve problems is to identify them and come up with solutions---not to run the other way and hope they disappear. There is a saying---"No matter where you go, there you are." Your problems follow you wherever you go--running away or moving to another state will not abolish your problems.
My feelings when I read your comments about not mowing lawns because it is too hot out and you are worried about "overheating"........and that you have not really thought about or considered a lot of things that people are suggesting that are NOT difficult things to do, and that if you went back to work you wouldn't make much so it doesn't make sense to do that.............let me tell you something, and I don't want to sound like a hard ass here, but: If you were in a desperate situation and REALLY wanted to get out, you would do ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING and probably EVERYTHING possible to make money to save to be able to leave. In the beginning, you made it sound like your husband was "controlling" you by "lending" you a credit card to go shopping with and not giving you any cash.............but now you are saying that he would give you cash but you don't want it because you are terrible at estimating costs......so, if you wanted to tuck away some cash here and there, you could. He is not "controlling" the money at all like you came across saying at first. He is only keeping track of what is coming in and what is going out---like anybody does who lives within a budget!! It sounds like you may be unable to budget, so actually you are lucky that he does that! Maybe you should sit down and try to make a budget yourself----make a grocery list of things that you commonly buy every week and how much those items cost. Look through the weekly grocery store circulars and see what is on sale that you need or would like to eat, write it down and how much it costs. Keep track of anything and everything you buy in a week and in a month, and how much you are spending weekly and monthly. Maybe if YOU show some motivation to want to help the financial situation it would reduce the stress on your husband's part and he would have a different attitude. Have a yard sale!! Summertime is the best time to do this---and I am sure our house is chock full of stuff that you no longer need or want. (I had a yard sale once, and I made a cool $2100 in cash, selling crap that was still in excellent condition but that I didn't want anymore because I was sick of it!! Clothing, pocketbooks, vacuum cleaners, cameras, lots of books that I read and no longer wanted I sold for .50 and .25 each!! Old CD's and DVD's, sheets, towels...........hard to believe that my "junk" made $2100!! And, when I moved 5 years ago, I had a moving sale/estate sale.........instead of just throwing stuff away..........and I made $11,000 CASH in 2 days. Unbelieveable.) There are LOTS of ways to make money, and if you really were desperate you could think of a lot more ways, probably!
Just because he is "terrible at relationships" doesn't mean he doesn't love you or love his children. Men like that close up very easily, and the more aggravated and angry at him you are, the more he will shut down. Make yourself available to communicate in a calm, rational manner. Be nice. Make him feel good---about working hard to keep the home afloat, mainly. Reassure him that things will be okay, and that you will do whatever it is necessary to help out with things. Instead of antagonizing him (and just abandoning him), show him that you will stand by him and support him and support your belief in yyour family. Lots of men were raised with the idea that they have to be "strong" and not show emotions, but that doesn't mean they don't feel emotions----and holding them in is sometimes more hard than letting them out. Everybody gets mad. Everybody gets sad sometimes. Everybody feels stress. However---everybody has different tolerances for things, and what throws him over the edge may not throw you over the edge. It sounds to me like he knows what the financial situation is and you don't. ASK HIM. Find out exactly what the financial situation is and SHARE the burden!! Maybe if you really knew what was going on, your mindset would change. Sit down with him and make a budget together. Figure out what you are going to do---TOGETHER---to improve the situation. Maybe if he felt like someone was on his side, on HIS TEAM, so to speak, or "HAS HIS BACK", he will relax a bit and won't have to carry the financial burden all by himself, and that will make him feel better. Hey---times are tough, there is no denying that. People are losing their jobs, losing their houses, going without health insurance...........count your blessings and be grateful for what you DO have and the positives in your life. I can guarantee you that if you sneak out of the house one day and take off, your life is going to become a whole hell-of-a-lot harder than it is now. Plus, I think it would devastate your husband---I really do. What your husband needs now is SUPPORT, not for you to walk away when times are tough. If you are truly just so unhappy that you can't take it anymore, then that's a different story. But, honestly, that isn't what I am getting from you now. (In the beginning, you were much different and made it sound like a totally desperate situation, which I am finding out now, is not.) I am getting the story of someone who is frustrated, cooped up, and angry that her husband is angry. Shoot, if I just had a car repossessed and used up $5,000 out of my savings to live I'd be stressed out and pissed off too!! But, to be plotting your escape and planning on how much child support and alimony you'd get is a really sh***y way to think. (Sorry for the language) You leave because there is no hope---and you don't leave based on how much child support he'd pay. If you are unhappy, you just leave!! Or, you talk to your husband like a rational adult, with the same respect you would want from him, and discuss who is going to leave and how--and included in this discussion whould be a plan of how you will tell your children that they will not be seeing Daddy every day, etc. You say your husband respects your privacy........Honestly, I don't see a desperate situation here. If he wanted to be a sh**head to you, God knows he could----but he doesn't sound like the type!!
I think right now, what you need to do is change your own attitude---and you'll find out that the old adage rings true: What comes around goes around. If you're nice, then you'll get nice back. If you're understanding, then you'll get understanding back. If you are an angry, unhappy witch, then guess what you are going to get back??? You are a smart woman, and I am sure I don't need to tell you that when you are feeling down or feeling defeated, what you want is someone to listen, someone to help, someone to support you. Why would your husband not want the same?