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To tell or not to tell - (Final Update Posted)

post #1 of 42
Thread Starter 
It has been about 2wks now that I found out I was pregnant. It didn't bother me at first to wait it out for an u/s and then tell everyone, but I'm finding that excitement in me to just blurt it out to anyone and everyone family and friend related. I am a bit worried about their reactions, but at the same time I want them to know. I can't decide if it would be best to just restrict these feelings, wait for the u/s and then tell them, or just go crazy with phonecalls and do it now?

I will be 29 weeks comes tomorrow(the 14th, but that is just an estimate from the doctor, he said I was carrying well). A part of me wants to make sure the baby is all okay, but then again I just want to get it off my chest!


Yay to do it now
OR Nay and wait for the u/s?
post #2 of 42
Depends on how you'd feel if there is something wrong, I think. If you know you aer going to need support, then I'd go ahead and tell people. If you'd want to deal with it privately, then I would wait. To me, it's not like you are in the first or even second trimester, so the chance of something going wrong is a lot less, so I'd probably tell someone.
post #3 of 42
How did you just find out at 27 weeks??
post #4 of 42
Well, I think you should go into it wholeheartedly, yet I don't know about phone calls to announce it, either.

Tough one. Maybe send out a card with a copy of the US photo and a sweet note?
post #5 of 42
do it now already. yes, how did you not figure it out until 27 weeks along?? at this point, people only have two months left to get used to the idea of your new baby coming in september. don't make anyone wait any longer.

and your concern for the baby is valid, of course, but at 29 weeks along, there's probably not much you can do about it anyway if there were something "wrong" except to adjust to it yourself, and at this point you may appreciate the support you will receive when you announce.

what a shocker. my neighbor's sister, who recently separated from her husband and moved in with them, also found out she's pregnant rather "late in the game." i think she was about 24 weeks along. it does happen!! enjoy!
post #6 of 42
At this stage of the game, it really doesn't matter what the u/s shows, so I'd tell. You're going to need support with this, and your support system is going to need a little time to adjust to the idea.
post #7 of 42
I'd tell. Finding out at 27 weeks is really, really late and you are going to need a lot of support. You have to pack an entire pregnancy's worth of emotions and worries and excitements into just over 2 months. Let your friends and family know ASAP, so they can share those emotions with you and help you cope. Even if you're thrilled, that is a HUGE adjustment to make in very little time.

Congratulations!
post #8 of 42
How do they not know? 29 weeks is really far along, are you not showing?
post #9 of 42
I'd just tell. My cousin just had this same thing happen. Was on birth control, hadn't been with anyonne since early Feb., and was going to the gym daily. Aside from a small "pooch" that didn't seem to want to tone up there was no reason to suspect anything. My aunt caught a side glimpse of her one night and off they went for a preg test. The next day she went to terminate and found out she couldn't. She's due in Oct. Totally possible to not know. Funny thing is a couple days later she fet a strong enough kick to realize what it was (first baby). It all made sense then.
post #10 of 42
to the DDC and Congrats!

I'd tell now, but that's just me.
post #11 of 42
To share or not to share depend on person to person.well if its legal it should be disclosed. Anyways congrats to those who are expecting.
post #12 of 42
Wow, what a position to be in!!! First of all, congratulations on the pregnancy, my heartfelt belief is that no matter what, a baby is something to be celebrated and is never bad. The CIRCUMSTANCES might not be ideal, but the baby is a miracle to be celebrated!!!

YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!! :

Now what to do with family depends heavily on the family situation. I, for one, would not be able to keep it quiet AT ALL, but that's because I'm in a situation where a baby is a welcome addition (perhaps not quite a "planned" addition, but a welcome one still!) and everyone in the family was happy with the news (even the ones who knew it wasn't planned).

If you are holding off waiting until the ultrasound just so you have a picture to show to make the announcement more fun, then go ahead and wait, I imagine that your ultrasound is scheduled very soon??

If you're waiting until the ultrasound to make sure the baby is healthy, then that's up to you and your beliefs and your state's laws. If baby is not healthy, would you consider adoption? Would you consider termination? Can you even terminate this late? (I have no idea what abortion laws are) If you chose to put baby up for adoption or terminate, would you still tell family? If those are the kinds of decisions you're potentially facing, then perhaps choose one or two close relatives or friends who can be a support system for you, but hold off on telling the rest until you know for sure what you're doing.

If you're waiting until the ultrasound because you just need this time to yourself to come to terms with a late-discovered pregnancy, then that's perfectly reasonable. I know for me, seeing the baby on ultrasound somehow makes it feel so much more "real", so I could completely understand if you wanted to just see the baby before you announce it.

When you do announce it, your attitude will determine their reactions. If you announce it as a wonderful miraculous thing that you are SO thrilled about, they are more likely to follow that lead and make it a positive thing. If you announce it sheepishly, guiltily, or come across in any way negative, then you are more likely to get those responses back. Do you have a partner with you right now? If so, get him on board, agree on your thoughts on this, and do it together. Say something like "we have shocking news...we just found out we're having a baby in 2.5 months!! We weren't expecting it, but we're thrilled!!!"

I, for one, am very happy for you! I hope that your ultrasound goes well, and that the rest of your pregnancy is as uneventful as the first half obviously was!!!!
post #13 of 42
Thread Starter 
I just never knew. I was never noxious/sick, I never threw up, I never got headaches, cramps, diff. period cycles. I never shown. I went in to the doc. for something totally irrelevant to pregnancy, especially since I never had any signs or symptoms. I've posted about it before, but just for the people who asked here, now you know.

I was also not just wanting to wait for the U/S because of pictures or determining the gender. Since I am so far along, I would want to be able to know if anything was wrong before going into it with family; because I'm sure they would have questions about it? - If the baby is unhealthy in some way, I would want to be able to answer these questions, not blindly walk into it. - I am also aware that there is little to be done since I am so far along, so it is purely for discussion purposes not to make a miracle of a baby that might have something wrong with it.

On the other hand, I want to tell them because yes it is very far along and they should know now that I do. That's all, lol.

And no you can not terminate this late, nor would I. It is my responsibility to take care of this situation and whatever is wrong with it, if at all anything is wrong, it could be perfectly healthy, I would take care of him/her either way it goes. Had I known I would have started prenatal vitamins long ago, and taken the precautions I needed to.
post #14 of 42
How did they date your pregnancy if you haven't had an ultra sound yet and aren't sure of the date of your last menstrual period?
post #15 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringTales View Post
How did they date your pregnancy if you haven't had an ultra sound yet and aren't sure of the date of your last menstrual period?
I'm not sure. The doctor felt my abdomen after finding out I was pregnant, and just said "I would estimate you to be about 28wks". How exactly he knew is beyond me as I know little. He could very well have been inaccurate. Another reason I want the U/S.

edit: And guys I already feel awful about this, can we not try and determine how I didn't know? I just simply didn't know. I apologize for not knowing, I really wish I did(especially since I am not educated on pregnancy whatsoever). I was just looking for positive answers on whether or not I should go ahead and tell my fam. and friends before an U/S, or wait it out.
post #16 of 42
I would absolutely tell and not wait for the u/s. Finding out you're pg when you're far along is enough of a shock and you're probably processing so many different emotions. You need support, and your friends and family should know so that they can support you, period.

Hopefully everything will turn out just fine . Will you be having an u/s soon? I'm sure you're on pins and needles waiting at this point! Now that you know you're pg, are you feeling the baby move?

Congratulations and please keep us updated on how you're doing.

Guin
post #17 of 42
no need to apologise, I'm just curious if you are showing now. If you are, I think your family would be able to tell, no? Most of us on here are pretty showy!
post #18 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by powpow View Post
no need to apologise, I'm just curious if you are showing now. If you are, I think your family would be able to tell, no? Most of us on here are pretty showy!
Not showing whatsoever. I actually visited my mom a few days ago and neither her nor my brother caught on. My DH's sister has 2 kids and didn't notice either, lol. I think if I popped somewhat of a belly they would be able to tell, since they have had kids, though.

Everyone I've visited lately has not noticed a thing, everyone has treated me the same, they have no idea.
post #19 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by First-Time-Mommy View Post
edit: And guys I already feel awful about this, can we not try and determine how I didn't know? I just simply didn't know. I apologize for not knowing, I really wish I did(especially since I am not educated on pregnancy whatsoever). I was just looking for positive answers on whether or not I should go ahead and tell my fam. and friends before an U/S, or wait it out.
Sorry, I don't think anyone meant to come across negatively, just shocked! We've all been miserable and obviously pregnant for a while now, so to think of only just now finding out??? I can't imagine!!

When is your ultrasound? I'm surprised that you've had to wait even 2 weeks, honestly, you'd think that your dr would have gotten you in to date the pregnancy at least, because the further you are, the harder it is to estimate a due date.

Something you'll have to be very cognizant about is them worrying about you going early or late. You have no dates to go off of, most of us know our last cycle dates, our ovulation dates, even our date of conception, so we can argue with our providers if they try to say we're too early or too late. But you don't have those dates, you'll only have this late ultrasound (and late ultrasounds are notoriously inaccurate). So I'd be very up front with the dr about it, ask how much variance they think the ultrasound has (most drs say plus or minus two weeks or more) and insist on a written range of delivery dates that your dr is comfortable with. So if the ultrasound says you're due 9/15 (just as an example) then your dr should agree that your range is 9/1 - 9/30. That's a wide range, but hold your dr to it, don't let them pressure you into an induction without darn good reason!!
post #20 of 42
Firsttimemommy if you makes you feel any better...My mother who is/was a labor and delivery nurse had four previous prenancies etc. Did not figure out she was pregnant with my younger sister until she just over 20 weeks. She was nursing my then 1 year old brother and struggling with grapefruit sized fibroids in her uterus (she was unaware of them she just thought she had very heavy periods). Also, she never showed until aboout 34/35 weeks. So it was not until my grandmother mentioned she was glowing did she add 2+2 and call her OB. And voila she was pregnant.
I hope the rest of your pregancy goes by as smoothly and quickly as the first half did. Pregnancy is such a beautiful time in a woman's life. Embrace these last 10?? weeks as much as you can! I wish you nothing but the best!
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