To tell or not to tell - (Final Update Posted) - Page 2

[Julia24]

Awww - don't feel bad! What a fantastic story you'll always have to tell. (assuming baby is okay, that is) Not too many people can claim that and mean it. (think of that Discovery Health show "I didn't know I was Pregnant", yk?)

I would definitely tell your family, at least your parents. No matter how this plays out, you're going to need support! Frankly though - I don't know that I'd tell the world, you don't know ANYTHING about the health of this baby, and you may decide you don't want to drag the whole thing out with everyone, yk? But, you probably will need someone other than this board, that much I know!

[mom2tig99Nroo03]

i'd tell asap for sure.

[First-Time-Mommy]

I have come to the conclusion that me and DH are releasing the news to fam. come tomorrow. Yep. We'll see how it goes.

[2boyzmama]

Originally Posted by First-Time-Mommy

I have come to the conclusion that me and DH are releasing the news to fam. come tomorrow. Yep. We'll see how it goes.

Good luck!!

Just remember, your attitude matters a lot in this! Be positive, and if anyone says anything negative, say something like "that's not a nice thing to say to a pregnant woman! This was a surprise, but it's a baby, we're thrilled!!"

[deymm]

Congrats and good luck!

[texmati]

Originally Posted by First-Time-Mommy

I have come to the conclusion that me and DH are releasing the news to fam. come tomorrow. Yep. We'll see how it goes.

Good luck and welcome to the DDC!

I'm one that, if I hadn't had regular periods, could *easily* have gone up to this point without knowing either. Or even if I had quit testing (ran out of tests) a week earlier. The pregnancy symptoms I have could have been easily explained away by other things, and I'm barely showing now. Honestly, I think a lot of women would be in the same boat. All women's bodies work differently-- it's not fair to think that just because you feel that you would have known for sure, that the next gal would.

Anyways, congratulations, congratulations, congratulations! :

And let us know how it goes with the fam!

[midwestmeg]

Originally Posted by texmati

Good luck and welcome to the DDC!

I'm one that, if I hadn't had regular periods, could *easily* have gone up to this point without knowing either. Or even if I had quit testing (ran out of tests) a week earlier. The pregnancy symptoms I have could have been easily explained away by other things, and I'm barely showing now. Honestly, I think a lot of women would be in the same boat. All women's bodies work differently-- it's not fair to think that just because you feel that you would have known for sure, that the next gal would.

Anyways, congratulations, congratulations, congratulations! :

And let us know how it goes with the fam!

I agree.

My advice is- don't worry!! Every pregnancy does not have to be associated with testing, dietary and/or lifestyle restrictions, etc. Just b/c you CAN worry from 4 weeks on doesn't mean you have to!!

I think two months is a fine amount of time to prepare, in some ways it should be much easier. I didn't prepare for my 1st- I let my gf and some nice neighbors do it. One of my 'moms' said 'baby stuff, pshaw! All you need are some blankies and maybe an empty dresser drawer to use as a crib if needed. A baby just needs love, not stuff.'

You are just fine. I am another person who could easily have your story, especially with my first pregnancy. And with Ceci I took no prenatals, with Carl I took some, occasionally. They appear to be okay. Any testing I've done during pregnancy has been minimal. I've never even seen the need for a u/s, although it's probably fun to learn the gender and reassuring, I suppose.

Have fun with your surprise!!

[loriu]

wowza! i have heard of folks like you, firstimemommy, but i have never "met" one in real life. congrats! and, in some ways, at least you have made it this far and not been sick/barfing/not pooping/etc, etc the whole time. that, in itself, is a miracle! this pregnancy has been such an uphill battle for me. now that i'm not longer puking, i'm having braxton hicks all the time. it's just neverending!

but congrats. you must be a natural baby carrier. i look like i have a basketball under my shirt. i ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store the other say and she was like, "Miss, are you.....?" and my response was, "duh..." seriously. it's like i shoved a ball up my shirt!

good luck with the family and adjusting to the idea yourself. and yes, keep us posted on the ultrasound. and welcome! this forum has saved my sanity

hugs.

[xelakann]

About feeling bad about not knowing. Please don't feel bad!!

My step-sister was pregnant and didn't know until she went into labor. She just didn't show. She had a preemie (who is now 5 and wonderful) born around 30-32 weeks (they weren't sure exactly). It is a good story actually. She was moving that weekend into a new apartment and was borrowing my dad's truck. She had planned on moving by herself that night and then have her friends help her the next day with the big stuff... but since the clutch tricky on the truck my dad had my brother go and help her that night so she wouldn't get stuck anywhere.

She ended up having really back pains and decided to go to her parents house (my dad and step-mom)... they were concerned enough to take her to the hospital. Imagine the shock when they figured out she was in labor. She had pre-e but other wise delivered a perfectly healthy baby.

My dad called and left the funniest message..."just calling to say hi, we went grocery shopping, packed up holiday decorations, oh yea and Jess had a baby." In our family it was the shock of the century as we all pretty close.

As for the original question: Yes tell your family/friends. Bask in being pregnant, you have 28-29 weeks of pampering to make up for. And even though I think the baby is going to be just fine, if something is wrong you will really need that support!! Even if everything is perfect you will need support. This is big deal and I'm excited for you!!

[First-Time-Mommy]

Update

So I called everyone. It took a day later than expected because I wasn't able to get a hold of everyone as planned! - my fam. is all split up, only my mom and brother live here so I went and made phonecalls to family not here first. Went better than expected, I think.

I texted my dad(he doesn't answer his phone otherwise), "Congrats you're going to be the proud grandad of our kid". - His response, "Holy sh**!!! Really? Are you excited?!".

I got a hold of my grandma, and grandpa. I talked to them for a little while and then popped the news, I said, "I was just calling to congratulate you guys, that you're going to be a great granny, and great grandpa". My granny's response was a VERY deep backwards inhale and then "REALLY? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?". I said yes and I think she almost passed out(It's her first grandkid, she remarried since my grandpa passed on, but the guy she is with now is still grandpa material ). He just said "Wow, I'm happy for you!".

I haven't been able to get a hold of my aunt and uncle, and my cousins yet, I'm still working on it. In the mean time I'm trying to setup a date to get together with both my mom and brother(they live together). They always have their phone off, or aren't home, or something. I've never been able to effectively call them without a long wait, .

DH's sister was soooo excited and her kids are jumping for joy. She is setting me up a baby shower I guess, I don't really have a say-so in it, and I won't ruin it for her she just seems so happy to be doing it, haha.

Edit: Oye, I just found out DH's sister just bought us a bassinet, she said she was too excited to stop herself an to not to mad that she bought one. Lol.

So, so far it's going okay, just giving a little update on this part.

[deymm]

Sounds like everyone is excited for you! Yay!

[Julia24]

how fun - how'd they react when they realized this was all happening in TWO/THREE months???? I would just love to be a fly on the wall for your conversations - so funny!

I quite enjoy shocking people with good news

[ilovejeff]

How fun - yay! :

[First-Time-Mommy]

Originally Posted by Julia24

how fun - how'd they react when they realized this was all happening in TWO/THREE months???? I would just love to be a fly on the wall for your conversations - so funny!

I quite enjoy shocking people with good news

My dad said "Wow", and my granny had the dates all messed up, she said I'd be giving birth sometime in Jan.(lol). I said nope, late Sept to early Oct. more than likely, I'd be in my third tri. Took her a little while to have it sunk in, she was more excited about all the baby stuff, and then she says, "OH, wait... you're right. You would only have 2 or so months left!!!", of course in a very breathy, excited sort of tone. Old people are the best, they are just so enthusiastic I love it, haha.

[texmati]

! yeah! it sounds like you have a great, supportive family. Are they pestering you to find out if it's a boy or a girl?

Honestly telling people was a lot of fun, but I would get so nervous-- kind of like public speaking.

And aren't grandparents the best!

[First-Time-Mommy]

Another Update

Just got a hold of my step mom. My mom & dad had divorced when I was very young and my mom pursued a lesbian relationship, the woman raised me more than my own dad and his wife at the time, well into my 15's, and so I finally called her.

She sort of ruined the surprise! she knew before I even popped the news. She was MUCH more hysterical than any other family I've called so far.

I said, "You've always been a big part of my life...", and I was cutoff right there she said "You're pregnant?", I said "Yes and you're going to sort-of be a granny", and she just got hysterical with crying, the love-you's, and "I'll be there for you whenever possible" stuff. Sort of a shocker no one else reacted like this yet! but it was very sweet and she wants to be as involved as much as possible, which made me feel pretty good. Yaaaay. : I hope my mom and brother are just as happy!

[texmati]

yaaay! my grandmother 'just knew'. sometimes the people who know us best have an intuition .

let us know how it goes with mom and brother. My brother is 19 and sort of blushed and was like, 'okay... can I have some food'.

[First-Time-Mommy]

Final Update


I had a chance to see my mom & brother today. *takes a deep sigh*

I hoped for the best, but at the same time sort of knew how it would turn out, in a negative way, there is normally no other way to go it starts at A and ends with Z with nothing in between.

She was happy for the first 5 minutes and then had the audacity to ask me for money. I got a pretty big frown and just said "No". I had more to say but I wasn't going to argue the subject with her. Sigh... I really wish she would have been happier for me, but no, she was more concerned about money and had to make it seem like her first grand child was no big deal.

My brother just said "Oh". Nothing more to it. It wasn't till when I was about to leave he said "Cool, glad you're having a kid". He's going to be 28 on sept. 11th... I really thought he would have been glad about being an uncle.

The two most current people in my life and it feels like they could care less about this. That really hurts my feelings.

edit: I also went to see my step mom... she was happy but brought up a past event that happened to me that sort of ruined everything. I asked her to quit talking about it but she just persisted on going on about it(I won't go into the story, but is is very touchy and she knew that). She nearly had me in tears and I just wanted to up and leave and go home, but I stayed there and just worked passed it. Maybe she wasn't fully aware and just said it without thinking, but I did ask her to stop, that should have been enough.

I don't know if this is just a bad day for me and I'm taking things to heart or not, but I feel like a pile of crap on the floor. I just want DH to come home so I can curl into a little ball against his tummy and go to sleep. Siiiighhhhhhh.

[2boyzmama]

Well, I'm glad that SOME people were excited at least!!!

And the feeling of taking everything to heart when you might otherwise have been able to let it slide is all part of being pregnant It's that crazy hormonal ride that is pregnancy, fun, huh?

Try to surround yourself with the energy from the positive people, I know it's harder if they don't live near you, but that's the support you need AND DESERVE right now, not negativity.

And come here to vent about stupid people, all the rest of us do it!

[StrongFeather]

I second the coming here to vent about stupid people who don't get it. Before I was told about the DDC's here, I was LOST! No one got it, none of my friends have kids, and I am the first of my sisters and cousins, so it was a very lonely itme for me, and very sad time. These ladies are great at supporting each other, it's been a life saver for me. Join in on the fun with us, good and bad!

Welcome to the club!