2 YO biting, hitting, pulling hair

[lld]

My son is 28 months and bites me, hits me and pulls my hair. It usually happens when he is angry and/or tired. He doesn't do this to anyone else. He is very verbal and can express his feelings...he knows that biting and hitting hurt mommy and will say this to me. He will also apologize and acknowledge my "boo-boo". Biting has been an issue since he got his teeth at 4 months and bit me while nursing. He will also bite toys, blankets and stuffed animals (no, he is not teething). In the past I dealt with it by saying "Biting hurts mommy' in a serious voice, putting him down and leaving the room when I was at home and could leave him. I am getting more and more concerned because I kept thinking it was just a phase and it doesn't seem to be changing. In the past I have never raised my voice or used any sort of physical violence. I was shocked that I recently pinched the back of his neck while he was biting me because it was so painful to me and I couldn't figure out how to get him to let go (all of his bites are hard enough to leave indentations and the worst indentations/pain last over an hour). Tonight I raised my voice at him (I have only yelled at him one other time in his life and that was when he ran into a parking lot)...he was so upset and shocked and it was the first time he has shown remorse when he apologized; however, I don't think it will really change anything the next time he is tired/frustrated. I am shocked at myself that I pinched and raised my voice and am worried that his bites hurt so much I could do it again. The hitting and hair pulling don't hurt so much but bother me because they are usually intentional when he wants to hurt me when he is angry (he has even told me that he wants to hurt mommy) Anyone have any previous experience/advice? I would also love suggestions for what to do when this happens in a public setting where I am holding him and cannot put him down because it would not be safe.

[mirandahope]

I have a similar situation with my 3 year old daughter. I would love to hear what advice others give!

[my_baby_love]

I just got on here to ask advice on what to do with my DS when he intentionally hits me, so I am also interested to see what others say. I wouldn't know what to do if he bit me - I hope things get better for you, mama!

[lld]

Hmmm...I guess the silence on the board either means that others have not had the problem or have found no successful solutions...any advice out there? Seems like I'm not the only one who needs it

[Aliyahsmommy]

I think first and foremost when this happens and you feel yourself getting very frustrated, go and take a break. Then you can come back with a clear head and and you will be able to handle the situation better
My first piece of advice is to find out what triggers your child in the first place. I know with my daughter she is completely uncapable of rational thought processing, negotiating, or even having appropriate reactions to normal happenings when she is tired and has not gotten enough sleep. I also know her other triggers are me not letting her have a little independence to do things herself or at least help me and when she is not given choices. By recognizing these things I truly do avoid most of her tantrums from even happening and for the most part our days are very pleasant. I know it makes it sound like she is a very easy going child, but in fact she is very spirited, strong-willed, and stubborn. It did take me awhile to recognize these things and think of solutions to help avoid these things altogether, but ultimately this is what stopped my child from constantly feeling overwhelmed and acting out.
The other piece of advice I have is when your child is out of control try to stay near so they know you are there for them, but give them a few minutes to calm themselves before you try and offer distractions or empathy. I know with my daughter if I start to try and find a solution to her tantrum or cuddle her right away before she has had a chance to let her feelings out, then the tantrum just gets worse and lasts longer. If your child is hurting you it is okay to offer them something else to hit and firmly say it is not acceptable to hit you. I would also recommend getting out of hitting range without making it seem like you are leaving them as that can also fuel the fire. Just find something to do in their vicinity and stay calm. The more attention they get for hitting, the more hitting they will do so it is important to protect yourself without them feeling antagonized. In otherwards if you are walking away from them they might feel the need to chase you to hit you if they know that is why you are moving away and that of course defeats the purpose of you moving away.

[earthzizu]

Get a punching bag You could try telling him that if he needs to hit or bite or kick something, to let out his aggression in a therapeutic way. Not only does this help with exercise and muscle development, but it will give him an outlet for it. It wouldn't hurt to explain the difference between a punching bag and a human being (or an animal). You could even get him a pair of tiny boxing gloves to protect his hands - maybe even have him pick them out himself so he knows why he's getting them. It works in our household.

[mama kk]

That is great advice Aliyahsmommy and earthzizu, thanks...

I am having this sort of trouble with my 21 mo old too. Although she isn't as vocal and can't explain why she is frustrated. I try to empathize with her... I can recognize the pattern of when she hits me and it usually is around being told she can't do something she wants to do. I won't let her climb down the stairs: she hits me and herself, and sometimes gives short high pitched screams. I keep trying to explain that it hurts me when she hits me, but she seems to be zero remorseful or even understand what I am saying. I don't know how to get through to her. I have put her in a short time out a couple of times and it seemed to help diffuse it, but it hasn't shown much progression in the long run.

[susla]

There has been some great advice in the previous posts. My 2.5 yr old sometimes works himself up into a little frenzy where he starts hitting, pulling my hair, kicking and pinching me. It almost always happens before bedtime when I am trying to get him into his pjs, so I know it has to do with being tired, and he only ever does this to me.

I have tried a few different approaches that haven't really worked, but the one thing I discovered really does seem to work is this: I hold his legs and/or arms firmly and tell him in a calm voice: "Kicking (or hitting, etc) hurts. You can't kick mommy. I'm going to stop you from kicking me until you're ready to stop yourself." Usually after a minute or two, he seems to calm down. Often he protests about me holding his legs/arms etc and I ask him, "Are you ready to stop kicking me?" and he usually says yes. I've noticed since I started doing this, it happens less frequently and when it does, the behavior lasts for a much shorter time.

Good luck!

[musa982]

from a novice....

my son is 13 months, so all of the above is totally unchartered territory; but looking at it with fresh eyes, I want to ask:
- why is the child angry with mama? Can that be changed to avoid the emotion of anger (not that it must be avoided at all costs, but what is going on between mama and the child with such regularity, that the child needs to keep biting? )
- in the post above mine - why put a child in pjs if that causes an outbreak? Why not let child sleep in day clothes etc on particularly tiring days, but avoid that physical struggle of manipulating him into pjs, plus hold him to stop kicking? That seems like dealing with symptoms, not the cause of the outbreak.
btw - my son is asleep in his outdoor shirt and nakey bottom at the moment, just to illustrate - i prefer not to push him.

[lld]

Thanks for all the great advice. These things definitely happen when he is tired and/or not getting something that he wants. They also happen when he is overexcited about something. I really love the advice about giving him an alternative on which to take out his aggression. Thanks again!

[Gray's Mommy]

We are going through this same thing. Our youngest ONLY hits, bites & pulls my hair...I'm soooo lucky

I do a few things to try & get him to stop. They are come standard with the "we don't hurt or hit" line.

fake cry-this normally stops him in his tracks & he reminds himself to be soft

ask him if he wants to eat a snack-many times I miss the cues before he wigs out

distract him with a story or if he wants to listen to music (on the tv)...we don't have any working radios or cd players

physically move him away from me & walk into another room--this doesn't work very well since he follows me & hits me harder-but I need the space...I fake having to go potty ALOT...

ask him if he wants to go for a walk...half & half response with this one.


My saving grace is that it is just a phase that we will survive...then you move on to another phase that is equally yucky or it totally rocks