Ok, so I just took the PPD quiz and scored a moderate. I have all kinds of emotions and conflicts swirling around and am going to try and get some of them out here... Ill try not to jump all over the place...but that's how I feel
I'm a new mother to a wonderful 3 mo old and really enjoy this beautiful bond. I feel loving and calm around her the majority of the time. Every once in while she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night and for a second I have the urge to just put her down and walk away. Then I realize she really needs me and am able to soothe her and lay back down and then feel bad I feel so angry. I know I don't have much to complain about in this area, shes generally a good sleeper. I think I'm just so overwhelmed about everything else that I get frustrated way to easy.
Her birth didn't go like we wanted and right after she was born she needed oxygen exc. so I didnt get to bond with her right away. I read that situations like this make the chances of getting angry at ur baby higher and in extreme cases increase the chances of abuse. I know Id never be abusive,but I wonder if this is where some of the anger comes from. I think about the birth a lot and feel pretty bad about it. I still need to find a way to process it and come to peace with it all.
What is hardest though is my extreme lack of support, living in a new community that I'm not that stoked about, uncertainty about my relationship, not really wanting sex when hubby always does, conflict about our future plans together and living with the inlaws. Also feeling like Im really young to be a mom and realizing how much I wanted to do before that is just so much harder now.
Its been hard for me to except my living situation, since we ended up living with inlaws when our prior situation fell through. My mother in law is extremely difficult person to get a long with and I've handled it by retreating for way too long now. Its so awkward now I just don't know where to start and I have all these grudges I'm holding against her. I'm also upset with myself for not being able to communicate well with her and say how I really feel and stick up for myself when I need to.
DH keeps pushing for us to stay longer to take advantage of the financial support even though I hate it here. He says I'm being impatient and unrealistic about how fast we'd be able to support ourselves again. He wants to go to school so he can get a better job, which I'm supportive about, I just dont want to do it while living with family. Meanwhile I feel stuck in my own path and know it would have been easier on both of us if wed waited longer to have a baby. Its hard to admit. I mean I love her so much and smile thinking about her . I just know we picked the hard route and dont want to turn into someone who gives up everything they care about or wanted to do. Or even end up loosing eachother b/c we just were'nt ready to be parents.
Thanks for reading all this, I know its a lot. I just dont know where to start I feel like I have so much work and healing to do on myself, meanwhile Im trying to be a good mother and loving partner. And figure out how to get my life back on track.
I'm a new mother to a wonderful 3 mo old and really enjoy this beautiful bond. I feel loving and calm around her the majority of the time. Every once in while she wakes up screaming in the middle of the night and for a second I have the urge to just put her down and walk away. Then I realize she really needs me and am able to soothe her and lay back down and then feel bad I feel so angry. I know I don't have much to complain about in this area, shes generally a good sleeper. I think I'm just so overwhelmed about everything else that I get frustrated way to easy.
Her birth didn't go like we wanted and right after she was born she needed oxygen exc. so I didnt get to bond with her right away. I read that situations like this make the chances of getting angry at ur baby higher and in extreme cases increase the chances of abuse. I know Id never be abusive,but I wonder if this is where some of the anger comes from. I think about the birth a lot and feel pretty bad about it. I still need to find a way to process it and come to peace with it all.
What is hardest though is my extreme lack of support, living in a new community that I'm not that stoked about, uncertainty about my relationship, not really wanting sex when hubby always does, conflict about our future plans together and living with the inlaws. Also feeling like Im really young to be a mom and realizing how much I wanted to do before that is just so much harder now.
Its been hard for me to except my living situation, since we ended up living with inlaws when our prior situation fell through. My mother in law is extremely difficult person to get a long with and I've handled it by retreating for way too long now. Its so awkward now I just don't know where to start and I have all these grudges I'm holding against her. I'm also upset with myself for not being able to communicate well with her and say how I really feel and stick up for myself when I need to.
DH keeps pushing for us to stay longer to take advantage of the financial support even though I hate it here. He says I'm being impatient and unrealistic about how fast we'd be able to support ourselves again. He wants to go to school so he can get a better job, which I'm supportive about, I just dont want to do it while living with family. Meanwhile I feel stuck in my own path and know it would have been easier on both of us if wed waited longer to have a baby. Its hard to admit. I mean I love her so much and smile thinking about her . I just know we picked the hard route and dont want to turn into someone who gives up everything they care about or wanted to do. Or even end up loosing eachother b/c we just were'nt ready to be parents.
Thanks for reading all this, I know its a lot. I just dont know where to start I feel like I have so much work and healing to do on myself, meanwhile Im trying to be a good mother and loving partner. And figure out how to get my life back on track.
