too extreme for local breastfeeding support group? - Page 2

[BarefootScientist]

Whether this has to do with other moms being uncomfortable with extended nursing, I don't know, but I really think that in mainstream society and in most people's unconscious minds, they don't want to see/hear/be around/be aware of the existence of other people's kids. Babies are cute and don't move much, but toddlers need to be in either a toddler-specific and safe location or home with mommy. I think it is a very sad point of view.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by evenstarlight

when Iona has inched a bit close to a baby mat, i've dealt with it, and times when she has maybe carried a heavy toy too close to one, I've told her to be carefull, and nothing has ever actually happened.....I thought I was doing a good job of letting the other mothers know that I realized the potential problem and was dealing with it, but apparently not enough.

I did make the suggestion that maybe it may be easier if the babies were not just sitting on the mats the whole time....and that the mothers held them more. (that's the natural solution isn't it?? Just pick your baby up???)

I think even a normally active 2 and a half year old carrying heavy toys past infants on mats is a bad idea - and my kids are 12, 8 and 6 now. And telling a toddler to be careful isn't exactly going to keep an accident from happening.

Could there be a corner of the room where the toddler toys are kept that your dd could have free reign of - without walking/running/carrying toys past the infants in mats?

I don't think the natural solution is for the moms to hold their infants so the few toddlers can roam. I think your EBF experience could be helpful to those moms, but the group is intended for moms of infants, yes? So I think it is on you to keep your toddler away from babies on mats if that makes some of the moms uncomfortable enough to go to the head of the group with it.

I think that groups with infants and toddlers together is bound to end with someone (highly likely an infant) getting hurt if all moms aren't really vigilant and on the same page about what is ok vs. what isn't.

I hope there is a way to work it out so that the moms who may be interested in your experience with EBF have access to talking to you. The hard part is not scaring them if they haven't ever known anyone who nurses past a year. I went to an extended nursing (was considered past six months) playgroup/meeting at a local hospital when dd1 was six to nine months old? She actually did get hurt by a toddler falling onto her with a hard toy (toddler was running with a block, fell on her, landed on top of the toy which was against her head. I immediately extricated my kid from under hers, but there was a really disgusting indent in her head the exact shape of the block. I did freak out, and never went back.)

Other issue was a mom nursing a kid who had to be six if she was a day. I know here in MDC this is normal, but I was - as a then fairly mainstream mom other than my natural birth experience - really put off by that. I certainly don't think someone with a 2 and a half year old falls into that category - in fact, you are the perfect middle ground to reach out to those new moms who may never have considered nursing past 12 months.

[katiesk]

I think a lot of new parents think all toddlers are "bratty", "wild" and that their parents are not looking after them.

yep. i'm sorry that this is you and your little kiddo who are having those feelings projected at you.

having said that, i would feel nervous if a toddler was carrying heavy toys around my (hypothetical) infant. however, if i was uncomfortable, i would, as others have suggested, pick up the baby or help engage the toddler myself.

[Sanveann]

I can sympathize with both sides.

When my oldest was a wee baby, and we were in a moms-and-babies yoga class, I remember how even the older, more mobile babies worried me -- they seemed so BIG and so wild! (Though my son LOVED to watch them!)

Now that DS1 is a toddler and I have another baby, too, I see how tough it is to find a place where I can get out of the house, DS1 can play (in a safe, relatively confined area), and I can sit down and nurse DS2 if need be.

I think a solution would be to have babies-only groups, mixed groups, and maybe even toddler-only groups, so everyone can have a place where they feel comfortable.

[evenstarlight]

Originally Posted by limabean

This is at a BFing support group? Is this woman one of the people managing the group? I think they need to get to work writing a mission statement or list of BFing guidelines they support/plan to promote. It sounds awfully disorganized the way it's set up now.

No she wasn't, she was just one of the moms there with a baby.

Thankyou everyone for your comments!!! They've been encouraging to read and very kind, considering you don't actually know my personality. I could be an obnoxious person and my toddler might actually be totally out of control!
So thanks for the benefit of the doubt!

I have a friend with a toddler and a newborn who has been attending the group, (she is also part of LLL) and she went on Wednesday and she said that the health visitors set the whole room up differently and one of them kind of made it her mission to "manage" her 3 year old. (telling him to eat at the table, not next to mommy etc. as he also had attempted to drag a plastic chair over to sit next to his mom) I can see that they are making an effort to try and make the situation work and not offend anyone.
I think the best thing I can do is take my toddler out of the mix for the moment and stay in touch with them regarding an older group and offer suggestions when asked. Then maybe pop back in when I have my newborn. I think by then the mother who complaned will be back to work, and the other moms will either have stopped breastfeeding (i know of one who already has) or will be moving on to the older group!
There is a seperate play area for the toddlers, but it's a bit awkward to get to which is why they keep coming back with toys to their mothers....

I have learned a lot about perception through this....and I do think it was a mix of me not quite being aware enough of how threatening my daughter was being perceived and that I wasn't being perceived to be "dealing with it" and a slight uncomfortableness with the EBFing.

When I was refering to heavy toys, I meant books and small blocks etc....not big plastic battery filled scary things, although possibly, I may not have perceived just how heavy a toy was at the time....again the perception thing, and to be honest, it didn't actually happen often enough for me to remember that well. My daughter was more interested in the processed meat filled sandwhiches on offer....something she never sees at home..she was more likely to drop on of them on a baby than anything else!


Thanks everyone for your support and input!