trying to keep my temper in check

[ktarsha]

About 85% of the time I am pretty good at gentle discipline and keeping my cool when my son does something I don't like or that is against our rules. What I need is help regaining calm when the anger comes out so suddenly that I feel powerless to stop it. It's as if one minute, I'm fine, and the next minute, one tiny thing sets me off and I'm a yelling, door-slamming crazy woman. I'm fairly certain it coincides with PMS; seems like it lasts for a day or so, accompanied by a fair amount of grouchiness in general, and then I'm back to my "normal" self.

I absolutely hate myself when I get this way, and I know it sets a bad example for my son - I've noticed it in him, he will mimic my words and actions when he gets upset with me. I'd love to hear suggestions from others who experience this; what do you do to control yourself?

[Rasa]

Hugs! I know what you mean and hope others will have some better advice. I offer empathy, mainly. I struggle with this myself, have tried giving myself a mantra ("gentle hands, gently voice, gentle words, gentle choice"), have emphasized with myself to remove myself from an escalating situation (which is difficult, as DD will run after me even if I need to cool off), count to 10, deep breaths, etc.

I remind myself that getting involved in whatever behavioral/emotional 'hurricane' of my child's will only escalate matters, that instead I need to get myself to the calm place ('the eye of the storm' if you will) in order to think about and take a clear action not affected by anger. To act without anger can be difficult 'in the moment' and I'd love some more input for how to get 'out of the moment'!

I like to think I keep my cool almost ALL the time but there are those mysterious times that come out of the blue, it seems. We're constantly teaching our child whether it's a good or bad lesson and maybe that will remind us to try harder? If I feel I have acted inappropriately, I of course apologize and explain what was going on as best I can. My main issue is with my tone of voice which can sound so horrid (to me!) sometimes. When I hear my tone mimicked back to me later it's a nice (not!) reminder to be more conscientious. I feel like I know so many parents who have this pervasive 'calm' and wonder why I'm not quite that way (maybe I need to boost my fish oil even more?!)? I know this is a largely learned behavior from my own childhood but MAN, how to unlearn?