After breastfeeding-- when do we let go of the boobs?

[eilonwy]

So I've got an issue and I don't even know where to post about it, as it's kind of a post-breastfeeding thing. If this is the wrong forum, please feel free to move it.

I'm a CLW parent; All three of my older children self-weaned. BeanBean (6.5) self-weaned at 4.5, just before starting kindergarten. Even so, my boobs have remained a source of comfort and warmth to him. He's a huge fan, and is constantly touching them whenever he gets close enough. If I hug him, he rubs his face against them; If I wander by, he'll reach up and pat them. When I tickle him or kiss his dimpled cheeks, he wants to kiss my boobs.

Well, this morning he was poking at them while I was trying to get laundry together and I told him that it has to stop. I'm tired of it! They're my boobs and I don't want them poked and prodded at random all the time. He was absolutely crushed and stormed off yelling, "That hurts my feelings!" He slammed his door and announced that he needed some alone time without me (Dad is permitted to enter his room. ). Then he came up to my room to tell me that he needed alone time because I told him that I didn't want him touching my boobs anymore. : I'm not really sure what to do with the kid! They're MINE, and I was very happy to share them while they were needed with my babies, but they're my boobs and I like having my body to myself (I haven't been pregnant or nursing for over a year now). I love my children and they do get plenty of physical contact (I call it "the daily loveloves"); Hugs and kisses and tickles and flying babies and what have you are all daily occurances. I just don't want my boobs randomly poked, petted, and rubbed when I'm busy doing other things.

Do you think this is an unreasonable boundary to set? I mean we did fairly strict child-led weaning, it wasn't even "don't offer don't refuse" around here as much as a natural process at the end of which he decided he didn't need to nurse anymore. Am I asking too much of him, at six?

[Mamabeakley]

No. He just doesn't like it. Sometimes people, even people we love, do things we don't like. It is fine for him to learn about this now, in a loving, respectful way, from you. It is fine for you to make your own decisions about what is appropriate touching of any body part you choose. He can also learn from this that HE gets to decide about what is appropriate touching of his body parts - valuable lesson for you to model.

[4evermom]

I can relate .

I told ds at some point he could nurse in bed or if we were cuddled up on the couch, but not anytime he walked past. I was happy to nurse him anytime he actually wanted to nurse. And happy to cuddle. But I was not happy with fly by shirt lifting. I think giving boundaries about when and where is ok. You can phrase it very gently and tell him when it's ok and when it isn't. Maybe he'd understand better if you explained it was like you tickling him when he was in the middle of drawing or reading or something relavant.

I think it will be easier when their faces aren't at breast height.

[jillmamma]

Matthew is the same age as your little guy, and weaned by mutual agreement at about the same time (between 4.5 and 5). We also have some of the same deal where sometimes he just wants to grab my breasts or touch them, and I get uncomfortable. I just keep trying to tell him as gently as possible, Mommy does not really like that, can I give you a hug instead? But, in my opinion, no, 6 is not too young to set boundaries and ask that he respect when you do and don't want to be touched. I sympathize!

[eilonwy]

Thanks ladies, I knew someone would be able to relate. I felt really bad, he's been in a funk all day. And he is perfectly eye-level with my boobs, I hadn't even thought of that. I guess it's like having a favored toy right in front of him every time I walk by.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

I guess it's like having a favored toy right in front of him every time I walk by.

We just need them to have a good growth spurt...

My ds has always been seriously visually oriented, too. Other kids might get reminded more by other things like touch or the association of a certain location like a favorite nursing spot.

[silvermist]

Thanks for posting that. I've got a 3.5yo that I forsee breastfeeding long into the future and I've had to set some limits about how to touch my breasts. I just explain each time that they are very sensitive and she may give them kisses and/or nurse when mom says it's ok (I have to be ready, not surprised). I figure she sees me model that this is my body and other people need to respect it. I use it to show love when I feel ready. I hope she does the same when she's 15 and boys are wanting to touch her breasts, like she wants to touch mine now.