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I'm Scared.

post #1 of 45
Thread Starter 
I know that a VBAC is safer than a repeat C. But for some reason I'm scared. I WANT a VBAC, I DO. I waited until DS was 19 months to TTC b/c I wanted the best chance possible. But now I'm 23 weeks preggo and I guess the reality scares me. I had to go thru 4 doctors to find one that was "kind of" supportive of VBACs. His wife and daughter each had one due to breech babies. But he does keep doing the scare tactics w/ me. Today he said "you are choosing a faster recovery time and your safety over a slightly increased risk to the baby". Which I hated that he said. I wish he was gung ho about it and all supportive.
I had a C-section b/c of the typical stuff. Intervention leading to intervention. DS's water was low the day after my due date when they did the bio physical profile. Doctor stripped my membranes w/o telling me. I went into labor that night. Sent home b/c of unproductive contractions. Labored all night, went back in when they were 2 min apart, STILL only 1.5 centimeters. Got an epi, developed a fever, broke my water, meconium was in it. Baby's heart rate was falling and showing distress. Only got to 7cm after 26 hours of labor. Decided baby wasn't safe and did a C-section. Baby was 8 pounds 8 ounces....according to the docs "too big for a tiny girl like me to deliver".
Is anyone else scared, or am I the only crazy one?:
post #2 of 45
your feelings and emotions are SO NORMAL!

hook up with other women in the same situation!

www.ican-online.org to find a support group near you!

Sharon
post #3 of 45


Count me in...I am scared too.

My births will be 20 months apart. This is the 3rd OB I have been through trying to find someone to support my decision 100%, and now that I am *really* doing it, I am terrified.

I am worried that after all of my preaching and quoting studies to friends and family that think I'm crazy, I'm not going to be able to take the pain- that I'll cave to the epi and have the whole cascade of interventions happen again. I'm scared of ripping in two and having hundreds of stitches, of becoming incontinent, of pelvic organ prolapse, of forceps delivery. I'm scared of my vagina never being the same again and sex being ruined I'm scared of being THAT tiny 1% that actually DOES have a uterine rupture.

I think some of the fear is normal, and some is "better the devil you know" mentality (that makes alot of women just schedule the repeat C).

I try not to dwell on it too much- I am reading, reading, reading everything I can get my hands on. I am renting a TENS machine. I am going to stay at home as long as I possibly can. I read as many positive VBAC birth stories as I can get my hands on.
I am stressing to my husband how important this is to me, so I have his full support.
I'm not sure what else I can do except let go and trust the experience to be what it will be, and trust in myself to do the best I can.

Sorry, not very helpful, but you're not alone! The fears creep up on me too in the wee hours of the night
post #4 of 45
i'm not even pregnant yet and i'm scared.

i'm currently ttc and am hoping for an hbac (a vbac at the very least). i'm doing tons of research now (a bit premature, i know). but because i know i have some fear i feel i have to arm myself and get in a good and positive place.

just wanted you to know that you are definitely NOT alone.
post #5 of 45
Of course you are scared!!! This doctor is INSTILLING fear in you. It sounds like he is systematically trying to break you down. There are practices around me that do that. You really need to be adamant about VBAC to have one with many of these practices. I so often hear from RCS that they thought about VBAC and discussed it with their doctors but in the end, they decided the risks weren't worth it.

What about the risks to them and to you? What about the risks of cesarean to your baby? Doctors want you to believe that a c-section is a guarantee of a healthy baby and it is NOT. If your baby dies following your c-section, your doctor will sleep soundly knowing that "it probably would have happened after a vaginal birth anyway (maybe; maybe not) and "he did everything he could." You are the one going through the painful recovery that he will never understand.

Now that you've been broken down, build yourself back up. Read about VBAC. Read positive VBAC stories. Understand the risks of both VBAC and repeat cesarean. Learn how to recognize indications of a problem in a VBAC so that you can be more confident. Learn the reasons that a repeat c-section would be indicated so that you don't agree without clear medical necessity. Read books related to natural birth like Ina May's Guide. I know you have switched a couple times already but research other potential providers. As in the Finding your Tribe section here or contact the nearest ICAN group for suggestions. Your feelings are totally normal but try not to let them overwhelm you. No one and no type of birth can guarantee you a healthy baby so you need to do what is best for you.
post #6 of 45
I agree it's ok to have fears, but work through them! You CAN VBAC YOUR baby.

And come join our DDC! https://www.mothering.com/discussion...play.php?f=519
post #7 of 45
I knew as soon as the c-section was decided upon that I wanted to be able to vbac a future baby. Now I'm not even ttc but I am still afraid, as much as I would love a vbac. I think it's perfectly normal.

I really don't like that he said,
Quote:
"you are choosing a faster recovery time and your safety over a slightly increased risk to the baby"
Like YOUR health and life don't matter?!? :
post #8 of 45
Quote:
"you are choosing a faster recovery time and your safety over a slightly increased risk to the baby"
The flaw in this logic is that he's comparing these things as though the risks of each are ths same - in fact, the % risk of complications with RCS is higher than any % risk to the baby with VBAC. When you add up the chances of infection, bleeding, recovery problems, even maternal death....Plus, the chances your baby would have breathing problems, bf difficulties, and other issues related to CS....I personally think you are making an informed decision between two scenarios, each of which carries risk but to different degrees.
post #9 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by trancechylde View Post
I'm scared of being THAT tiny 1% that actually DOES have a uterine rupture.
In the case of a rupture, when it is caught and dealt with right away, 4/5 babies suffer no long-term consequences. My doc calculates the odds of rupture resulting in long-term problems at 1/1000. I can live with those odds.
post #10 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by samstress View Post
i'm not even pregnant yet and i'm scared.

i'm currently ttc and am hoping for an hbac (a vbac at the very least). i'm doing tons of research now (a bit premature, i know). but because i know i have some fear i feel i have to arm myself and get in a good and positive place.

just wanted you to know that you are definitely NOT alone.
This is me too, Sam...except TTC next year.

SLP, I agree that it is OK to have fears, but please, please, please, try to only stick to reading positive stories and the ladies here for support. I was also told that my son (9.2) was too big a baby for me to deliver and given countless other reasons why I needed a c/s. I was also led to a c/s b/c of intervention after intervention. I don't want that to be my experience again, so I have been on these boards posting a bit, but mostly reading up a lot on successful VBAC (and HBAC) stories.

You CAN do this...you don't know what your body is capable of because you were the victim of a cascade of interventions. Just try to relax, maybe do some yoga and meditation for an hour or so a day if you can. To have your best birth possible, you need to stay positive and have faith in what your body can do.
post #11 of 45
Does it help to know that i Norway VBAC is the default - and that we have a higher success rate in terms of healthy mother and baby than the U.S.?
post #12 of 45
C-section is not always safer for baby, and can, in fact, cause the baby to have breathing problems: http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20071...-week-too-soon

It can also lead to other complications for the mother such as Prolonged recovery, Pain, Breastfeeding problems, Urinary, wound and uterine infection,
Hemorrhage, Clotting disorders and blood clots, and Bowel obstruction.

You are not being selfish by wanting a VBAC. Vaginal birth has many benefits for both the mother and the baby. http://pregnancyandgivingbirth.com/VaginalBirth/

You CAN do this!!!
post #13 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by meganmarie View Post
The flaw in this logic is that he's comparing these things as though the risks of each are ths same - in fact, the % risk of complications with RCS is higher than any % risk to the baby with VBAC. When you add up the chances of infection, bleeding, recovery problems, even maternal death....Plus, the chances your baby would have breathing problems, bf difficulties, and other issues related to CS....I personally think you are making an informed decision between two scenarios, each of which carries risk but to different degrees.


I agree.
Research clearly shows that the risks during and after a c-section to be higher for BOTH mom and baby then any vaginal birth including VBACs.
post #14 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by nina_yyc View Post
In the case of a rupture, when it is caught and dealt with right away, 4/5 babies suffer no long-term consequences. My doc calculates the odds of rupture resulting in long-term problems at 1/1000. I can live with those odds.
Yes, 1/1000 is a pretty accurate statistic.
post #15 of 45
I'm going for a repeat VBA2C and I'm scared, too. but not of the birth, of my CPs. My first OB and the several CPs I interviewed out here have obliterated any trust I can really have when it comes to drs. I'm terrified that I'm just getting lip service and that when it comes to labor I'll be bullied and threatened. As confident as I am now, I'm scared of my becoming passive in labor.

I've switched CPs once already and my last option will likely be to fly back across country in October to have this baby with my VBAC-happy OB in November. It would be really hard on my family but if it must be done in order to have a safe birth, I'll do it. I was really scared going into my vba2c as well, but my provider was very encouraging and really believed in me. It made all the difference that my team - doula & dr - had faith in me. The support I got through ICAN was overwhelming even when I made the unpopular decision to be induced for that birth.

Your dr is not being supportive of VBAC if he's telling you things like that and you need to tell him so. Ask him if he is truly supportive of vbac then why he is trying to undermine your efforts to birth in the safest manner possible and why you should trust him in labor (when you will be very vulnerable) if this is what he's like now? Challenge him on each and every "fact" he gives you that you know to be untrue. Have the research behind you. Make a list of the risks he's telling you and look them up. Talk to him about the research and have him back up his position w/something other than anecdote. It will not be a pleasant conversation to have, but it may just open his eyes to the fact that you don't like being manipulated.

If it turns out that you just can't trust this provider, consider calling L&D and asking the nurses there who is most supportive of vaginal birth and who do they see supporting vbacs. Call several times and get several nurses' opinions. You have options and there's nothing wrong with interviewing different CPs while you are still seeing this dr. ICAN may be able to help you find a CP that is more supportive and the support there will really help a lot.

The research is clear; c/s does not have "slightly increased risk to the baby." There is a significant increase of risk to both you AND the baby from r c/s.

BTW: an 8.5# baby is not large. Since this isn't your first pregnancy it's likely your pelvis is different now, too. Your size has nothing to do with how your pelvis will behave in pregnancy & labor. You are strong! You can do this!!
post #16 of 45
Don't be scared Mama! Don't let that doctor get to you- what he is saying is not accurate anyway. Start reading lots of positive VBAC stories, join a local ICAN group so you can meet others in your shoes, and don't be afraid to keep looking until you find someone who isn't "kind of" supporting you... that is setting you up for failure, and you want someone 100% behind you to be your cheering section, to help you reach your goal right?

I started off looking for doctors who would do a VBAC in a hospital, then tried birth centers (can't in my state) and finally found a homebirth midwife who was the right match for me. Not tryin' to sway you one way or the other although it was awesome... but even if you really want or need a hospital VBAC, ask the homebirth midwives which doctor you should be going to... I bet they'd be willing to help you and they can cut out a lot of the detective work by finding you the docs they know support women in VBACs, and they will atleast know the ones that will NOT do so.

Sorry for the run on sentences, time to go to bed:
post #17 of 45
It's normal to be scared. I wasn't sure I could do it right up until the moment my baby came squirting out! I had my VBAC in a hospital with a supportive OB (there was also an unsupportive OB in the group practice, but he went off-duty as I went into transition, thank goodness), but there were so many ridiculous restrictions that if I could do it again, I would have had a midwife-assisted homebirth. You need to set yourself up for success, which could mean positive affirmations, prenatal yoga, changing doctors or finding a supportive doula to advocate for you, whatever...figure out what you need to do to make this happen! You can do it!!!
post #18 of 45
Well, I'd say labor at home as much as you can, so that by the time you get to the hospital, you're farther along and can push that baby out SAFELY.

BTW, can you switch to a midwife or birthing center or at least find a more supportive OB?? I would.
post #19 of 45
i just wanna say the stuff i'm reading here is making feel better already.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lawmama1984 View Post
You CAN do this...you don't know what your body is capable of because you were the victim of a cascade of interventions. Just try to relax, maybe do some yoga and meditation for an hour or so a day if you can. To have your best birth possible, you need to stay positive and have faith in what your body can do.
this really hit home for me (in fact i'm in tears -- i guess i'm more emotional about it than i realized). i always felt that i ended up with a c-section because i just wasn't tough enough. we had planned on an intervention free delivery and went without any for a very long time. after many hours (and feeling that things were really progressing), i was told i was only 2 cm. i got so discouraged. i eventually accepted an epidural, but then, of course, was stuck in a bed after having been very mobile and active (which certainly didn't help my progression any). the epidural was eventually followed by pitocin to help me progress. then they had to start putting water back into me because my water had broken over 24 hours before. anyway, intervention led to intervention and i've often felt that if i hadn't taken the epidural (if i'd only been stronger), things would have happened a whole lot differently. i must say that my doctors were amazing and were always committed to and supportive of me delivering vaginally. a c-section was never mentioned or encouraged...until they completely lost my daughter's heartbeat, then it was out of my hands.

anyway, i just wanted to say your comments (even though intended for the op) about not knowing what your body is capable of and having faith in what it can do really helped. thanks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by catspage View Post
C-section is not always safer for baby, and can, in fact, cause the baby to have breathing problems: http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20071...-week-too-soon

It can also lead to other complications for the mother such as Prolonged recovery, Pain, Breastfeeding problems, Urinary, wound and uterine infection,
Hemorrhage, Clotting disorders and blood clots, and Bowel obstruction.
why exactly would a c-section lead to breastfeeding problems? i just ask because i had many problems breastfeeding after my c-section. again, i took to beating myself up over it. is it because you're not always able to nurse immediately after delivering or is there more to it?

just curious.
post #20 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by samstress View Post
anyway, i just wanted to say your comments (even though intended for the op) about not knowing what your body is capable of and having faith in what it can do really helped. thanks.


why exactly would a c-section lead to breastfeeding problems? i just ask because i had many problems breastfeeding after my c-section. again, i took to beating myself up over it. is it because you're not always able to nurse immediately after delivering or is there more to it?

just curious.
Hey no problem!! It took me a long time to come to that point. I recently met with a homebirth midwife and just sitting and talking with her really helped me get to the point where I can accept that I was never given a chance to labor and I was a victim of the "system" so to speak that wants to cover its own butt. Now I feel empowered for my second birth. I, myself, don't know what my body can do b/c I also was not given a chance, but that won't be my experience next time for sure!! I think it is important that women hear this b/c too often we are told that our pelvises are too small, our babies too big, c/s would be safest, etc. We just need to remember that we CAN do this and if we do need help or interventions, they should be a last resort and out of absolute necessity instead of the routine they have become.

I had a multitude of BF problems with my son after my c/s and he was ultimately FF, which I still feel bad about it. I think looking back that I had slipped into a little bit of a depression over my birth. Also, my son was in the Level 2 nursery where he was hooked up to a sugar IV b/c they told me his sugar was low...well YES! it is low b/c he was a big baby and needed to nurse! The nurse in there was very rough with me. The LC was trying to help me gently and my son's nurse would come over and forcefully manipulate my breast, trying to shove it into my screaming son's mouth. It was so much stress, and they were also giving him formula bottles b/c "he needed to eat" and I wasn't producing enough milk, even though I was trying to pump to bring my milk in.

I think part of it is that in a lot of hospitals, you aren't allowed to be with your child right away. I didn't even get to see my son for several hours after the birth. Then, when he was disconnected from the IV to be brought in for a feeding, the night nurse brought him in with a bottle of formula and fed it to him in my room. What the heck?!?! That was my fault, though. I should have said no, but honestly I was just so depressed about everything.

When I got home, there were all the issues with recovering from major abdominal surgery and trying to suppress my feelings about my birth. We saw an LC and also had a PP doula trying to help with BF, but in the end we failed.

Anyway, that was just my own experience and I can say it won't happen again. A friend of mine had a c/s after a long labor with her son and in her hospital, they brought her son to her 15 minutes after she was in recovery and let her try to nurse. She had a much more pleasant experience, so I know that if I have to go to a hospital, I will be going to the one where she delivered.
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