I think when we fear rupture in a lot of ways we are able to be so focused because we have named our fear. There are other risks in pregnancy that are, statistically speaking, just as (un)likely to happen as a catastrophic rupture (or more likely) but we focus on rupture because that has been handed to us as what we should fear. Do thoughts of cord prolapse or any of the other dangers of labor and birth keep you up at night? Or do you hear "rupture, rupture, rupture" and let this become your reality?
If doctors told you to fear infection from cesarean or breathing problems in your baby from cesarean...if they made you sign a consent form that said you knew that if you had a cesarean your baby was more likely to spend time in a NICU, what would the focus of your fears be?
All of this is compounded in that you've had the ability to believe in yourself and your body taken away as well. Instead of nurturing you and helping you come back strong and confident, we have a system that uses the dent in your confidence to further fuel your fears. It's okay to be scared, but you can let your fears own you or you can own your fears. It's a fine line between listening to yourself and listening to all those seeds of doubt.
If doctors told you to fear infection from cesarean or breathing problems in your baby from cesarean...if they made you sign a consent form that said you knew that if you had a cesarean your baby was more likely to spend time in a NICU, what would the focus of your fears be?
All of this is compounded in that you've had the ability to believe in yourself and your body taken away as well. Instead of nurturing you and helping you come back strong and confident, we have a system that uses the dent in your confidence to further fuel your fears. It's okay to be scared, but you can let your fears own you or you can own your fears. It's a fine line between listening to yourself and listening to all those seeds of doubt.





A couple of days later, he asked me, if I got an epidural, would I still release the oxytocin to bond with the baby.
I developed a staph infection 3 months later.
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