Resources for ~1 year olds?

[marrymeflyfree]

Hi all,

I'm starting to look for some good reading material on parenting a young toddler. I have a fabulous 13 month old daughter; smart as a whip and sweet as can be - but also starting to dip her toes into the tantrum phase. It's little things...like having a mini fit if I take the banana from her hand in order to open it for her, even if she's sitting in my lap, that sort of thing. Nothing major, but she's never really been cranky or fussy or one for crying unless it was for an immediate need like hunger. She's starting to get a little mischevious, too. Little things like touching the (covered) outlet when she knows not to, to see our reaction...or putting her leg over the bed rail teasingly, as though she were going to climb out, rather than turning around to go off the unrailed portion like she knows she's supposed to.

My problem is that I'm not exactly sure the best way to react to these little 'tests'. I'm a talker and a logical person. I like to explain and reason, and ideally I want to conserve the 'NOs' for the important things. But that's tough to do with a one year old - and obviously safety issues come into play with some things. So I need some guidance! Any recs on good books to show me the way?? My parents were all about the power struggle when I was a kid, and that obviously just got worse as I got older...it's something I want to avoid to say the least.

Thanks!

[kiwiva]

I thought "Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp was helpful to understand where they are coming from at that age. I didn't really use his actual techniques much but the ideas were helpful for doing it my own way. Big explanations are not helpful at all at that age. Logic, forget it. They hear bla bla bla, pretty much. Too much info. So let that go now. I am logical and my DH is a huge explainer. It is still TMI for DD at 2.5.

We didn't use No much either. "Not for baby" in a voice with little emotion (so as not to make our reaction interesting) then swiftly redirecting DD, worked well at that age. I also made a point to tell her what TO do, rather than what NOT to do. We had a very "Yes" house. Most cabinets she could rifle through, for ex. Makes it easier to get across the idea of "No" when it is reserved for hot stoves and what not, if they are not being turned away all day long.

To avoid power struggles I've found it helpful to ask myself why I am getting aggravated and want her to stop something. Does she actually need to for safety reasons or is it just something I find annoying? If the latter, let it go, she'll move on to something else soon enough. I think that idea was presented in "Unconditional Parenting" which I definitely recommend for parenting generally, not toddlers specifically. Also "Playful Parenting" gives you some ideas (again general, not toddler specific, but very helpful).

There are threads elsewhere with titles about age appropriate behavior. "Your 1 Year Old" maybe? I didn't read those, but knowing what to expect is SOOOOOOOO helpful for curbing the need for power struggles! If you know they are going to throw their food on the floor around 14 mos, for ex, it takes some of the annoyance out of it for you and you can deal more calmly with it.

[momma_unlimited]

I think Naomi Aldort has an audio cd specifically regarding toddlers and babies. She is definately NOT into power struggles so I bet you might find some helpful ideas there.

[chipper26]

: I just posted about my one-year-old, so I'm curious about your answers. I too would like to avoid as many power struggles as possible.

[EnviroBecca]

Adventures in Gentle Discipline by Hilary Flower is really great for the little-kid stuff!