Overcame PPD...when to try again? Long

[azgirl]

Hi all! Please be patient with my long-winded post
Well, a year ago I was in the throes of intense PPD after the birth of my first, and so far only, baby. I am better now. Actually, better than better. I have been off meds for a few months and I am still seeing a therapist BUT I feel better than I have in over a decade. I am still dealing with my many issues, but I am often content and sometimes blissfully happy I do have some guilt issues because I now have so much help that my life feels TOO easy. We spent 4.5 months in the NICU and then brought home a high-needs infant while I was in the throes of intense anxiety and depression. If someone didn't put a plate of food in front of me, I didn't eat etc. So, I guess it makes sense that life feels easy now My husband is home for the summer and starts grad school in the fall, so my life will get less easy. But still. I wake up most days excited and ready for challenge.

My PPD had an organic biological element, as I believe most PPD does, but I blame a lot of it on the shock of having a baby, and total lack of coping skills. I have battled anxiety and depression my entire life. After I had my son I was sure I would never have a life. That I would never find new music to listen too. That I would not be able to make friends or maintain friendships, after all, I could barely carry on any type of conversation. I couldn't imagine that I would never be able to meal plan, go to the grocery store and make dinner (much less breakfast or lunch) I was incapacitated with anxiety, lack of motivation and self-doubt. It breaks my heart now to look back at how I felt. I sometimes have trouble coming to this board because I get so upset that anyone else is feeling like that.

Fast-forward to now: I make a lot of our meals from scratch. I have reconnected with old friends and made a bunch of new ones (way more than I ever did before I had my son). I feel connected to my husband. I exercise everyday. I have a lot of time to read and I have been reading some challenging non-fiction (uh, I couldn't THINK when I had PPD, I could not read much without panicking). My baby sleeps. Yes, I often have to be sleeping with him, but then I get another hour of sleep to tack on to the eight I got the night before You get the picture. Life is so good. So...

When should I have another baby? I mean, would it be better to do it soon, before I get too used to the good life? OR should I just have it easy for a couple of years and then experience a huge shock again? I have to be prepared for an extremely high-risk pregnancy, a less-than-ideal birth and problems breast-feeding. When I had PPD, I struggled a lot with these issues. I really felt like so much less of a mom because I couldn't breast-feed. I am not joking, I thought he would be better off adopted by another mom. I was totally nuts, crazy and terrified that I had no bond with my baby because of our birth, physical separation and lack of breastfeeding. Anyway, now that I am in love and totally bonded with my LO, I feel like there is no way I can feel that way again. Extreme PPD, maybe. But how can I go back and feel that way again about not breastfeeding if I got over it this time? And I am truly over it. I am even a little ambivalent about breastfeeding the next one. Actually I am ambivalent about everything regarding another baby. My husband is also in therapy, but is excited about our future and wants to have another baby soon.

Wow, typing that all out I am in awe of the complete transformation I have had in the last year. All thanks to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Zoloft, sleep, household help, sleep, sleep and lots of support Oh and time...and sleep. If you made it this far...any thoughts on PPD and child-spacing??

[rclaz]

I think you just do it when you think you are ready. Even though I was well out of PPD, I was sorta traumatized for a while over the whole thing. I got pregnant when my daughter was about 18 months old, and I freaked out. Panicked. I really had to cope with my feelings about it. I was afraid to go through it again, it was just all so fresh and real still. I had a miscarriage at about 4 months. After recovering, and getting through that, I got pregnant again just after her 2nd bday. Elated, thrilled, couldn't be more excited.
I think you just have to do what feels right to you, and do your best to prepare yourself for what you need to help with this time around.

[smartalec]

it's so nice to hear such a good story of conquering the ppd. i had it after my 2nd and to be honest, my husband and i were so traumatized by the experience that we really thought we were done. well, apparently we weren't. low and behold we found ourselves quite unexpectedly pregnant at the beginning of this year and our first thought was of my mood. i'm happy to report that we've had a great pregnancy and we're really looking forward to the homebirth and little girl we've always wanted. we are also eyes wide open with this one and we have an agreement to take care of me should the anxiety return at any point in time.

i think the thing that i've learned with this pregnancy that has followed the ppd experience is that the difference is i will not be caught so off guard by the "mack truck," should it come down my road. since the ppd i became a psi support group coordinator and feel like i have a good understanding of what happened the last time, as it sounds like you do, too. i would agree that you'll know when the time is right... but as well, you might get a little push towards the right time, as we did. either way, the fact that you are thinking of having another is a good indicator of the wonderful place you are at or in short sight of. best wishes to you!

[JennTheMomma]

Its hard to say, since I'm not you. Whenever you feel ready then I think you should. I had horrible PPD. Never had depression before and so it was all new to me and a huge shocker. I had it for about a year and couldn't take any meds. Now Hunter just turned 2 years this July and I'm so ready for another babe. We have been trying for a few cycles now and I can't wait to get pregnant again. I'm like you, I cook home made meals daily, love to eat organic and natural. Excercise with walking, bike rides and yoga. I have a good life, and to me, adding a new baby into the mix would make it even better. I don't have to give up on eating healthy and making my meals, I don't have to give up walking or yoga either. We co-sleep so Hunter sleeps through the night, and we don't plan on stopping co-sleeping when new babe gets here, just to add new babe to the mix. I think it all depends on you and what you see for your family.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I feared ppd again after having it horribly with dd. I did get it during my pg with ds and for a few months after but it was nothing compaired to what i had with dd.

[mymary]

I am 15 weeks pregnant with my third. I had moderate to severe PPD after my first was born. Anxiety/Depression/Self Doubt came back when I found out I was pregnant with my second, didn't last forever and after her birth I was on top of the world. I did not experience PPD after her, exactly the opposite.

Now, just in the last week, I am starting to really panic over this pregnancy. Trying to control it, and put it into perspective, but those feelings suck. I know this will end but I just feel stressed right now and exhausted from the pregnancy along with caring for two active little babes.