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Neighbor called the cops on me- VENT - Page 2

post #21 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by elisent View Post
Do you think that maybe because you were in your nightgown they thought you had been sleeping when your son got out?

I'm sure if you just show CPS the back yard and the lock they will understand. They have much bigger things to worry about.
I'm in my nightwear all day long, if I have nowhere to go. I'm lazy like that.

It's not illegal to let your children play alone in a backyard. It's not illegal to nap when they're playing either... not responsible, but not illegal.
post #22 of 112
Thread Starter 
Called dh about it. He is not pleased with the neighbors and wonders what is wrong with them that they wouldn't help. It was so embarassing running and screetching for my son with my nightie that barely covers and they just glared at me. Who does that? UGH! Now I get to wait for CPS. What a great week. I don't even want to tell my friends and family.

Thanks to everyone listening. It means a lot.
post #23 of 112
You didn't deserve that. I hope you don't feel ashamed. It's the neighbors who should feel ashamed of their actions. I believe I would be tempted to write a letter letting them know that their actions were hurtful and un-neighborly and essentially, everything that's wrong in the world today. I'd keep it short and simple. I wouldn't justify or anything.

"Your action today while my son was lost was very hurtful and un-neighborly. I hope it never happens to you. I was taught that the people who were your neighbors would be the people that you would hope could help you in time of need. I'm ashamed of your behavior."

It might be corny and they might care less, but I'd get it out and send them a letter.

And know that Karma's a beyotch.LOL


Lisa
post #24 of 112
Wow, that sucks, I'm sorry If they really felt they had to call the cops, fine, but geez help keep the kid safe first That's just such backwards thinking on their parts. And kids can and do get away, no matter what precautions are taken, that's just life and I'm sorry your neighboors don't understand that.
post #25 of 112
"It's not illegal to let your children play alone in a backyard. It's not illegal to nap when they're playing either... not responsible, but not illegal."

I would be careful expressing this mentality. I think CPS can deem many things as neglectful that are not necessarily illegal.

Also, I am not wanting to defend you neighbor but is it possible they were inside and saw your son run by and he came out after him at the same time you did?
post #26 of 112
i'm so sorry. your neighbors are ridiculous. my ds1 was the same way last summer, approaching 3 years old, when we had just moved into a new neighborhood. luckily, we have kind and understanding neighbors. this year, ds is almost 4, understands more about safety and has better impulse control - so hopefully this will be a short phase for your little guy too.

as for not wanting to tell family and friends, i understand that, because i felt guilty, scared and ashamed. the first time he got out, i barely slept for days because i was so nervous (and cps never even got involved - i was just worried someone would report it). i really recommend talking to at least a couple people close to you. it will be reassuring to know you have someone irl on your side, supporting you and ready to back you up as a great mom.
post #27 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kalimay View Post
"It's not illegal to let your children play alone in a backyard. It's not illegal to nap when they're playing either... not responsible, but not illegal."

I would be careful expressing this mentality. I think CPS can deem many things as neglectful that are not necessarily illegal.

Also, I am not wanting to defend you neighbor but is it possible they were inside and saw your son run by and he came out after him at the same time you did?
It may be that is what happened, but he was closer to him either way and did nothing. My dh said if they wanted to call the police fine, but grab the kid first! I am going to find a way to calm down this week (I am more than upset) and talk to them succinctly about what happened.

I know the cop was looking for signs of neglect. Luckily, everything was fine. Also, just to let people know I had a basket of clean laundry on the couch, toys were all over the floor in my sons room and I had a couple dirty dishes and she deemed it more than fit. It's the icky stuff they care about, so if anyone wonders, it doesn't have to be spotless.

They were concerned I was just doing my thing with the kids doing theirs and me being neglectful. I understand the concern, but would have rather had the neighbors talk to me about it. I would have loved her husband (partner) to help me with the gate. But, no.
post #28 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by doubledutch View Post
i'm so sorry. your neighbors are ridiculous. my ds1 was the same way last summer, approaching 3 years old, when we had just moved into a new neighborhood. luckily, we have kind and understanding neighbors. this year, ds is almost 4, understands more about safety and has better impulse control - so hopefully this will be a short phase for your little guy too.

as for not wanting to tell family and friends, i understand that, because i felt guilty, scared and ashamed. the first time he got out, i barely slept for days because i was so nervous (and cps never even got involved - i was just worried someone would report it). i really recommend talking to at least a couple people close to you. it will be reassuring to know you have someone irl on your side, supporting you and ready to back you up as a great mom.
I called my mom and she made me feel a lot better. I am hoping to not be a crying mess when I call my MIL who I am close to.
post #29 of 112
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that this morning!

DD did stuff like that to me before. She bolted one time while I was in the bathroom, thankfully only to the swingset in the back yard, but it was still scary. And then the one apartment we were at, I had a little herb garden on a cart out on our porch/stairwell, and I went out to water it-- she slammed the door and managed to lock it on me. The only way in/out of our apartment, and she was stuck inside. I had to run barefoot the 2 blocks (roughly) to the manager's office to get the door unlocked-- and put on my shoes, snatched up my child, and went to Lowe's (the closest store) for childproofing doorknob covers. Love my child, but she's hell on my heart!

Hopefully CPS sees it for what it really is: An adventurous child who escaped in the blink of an eye, and is very well taken care of by a caring mama.
post #30 of 112
I am so sorry this is happening to you. When my dd was 2.5 dh and I were doing something in the back yard and she wandered down to the front sidewalk and was in front of the next door neighbor's house. A lady driving by stopped, picked her up and called the cops. Of course her shoe had come off at that point.

I was already looking just after the police got there. He took my name and number and while he wasn't overly "this is fine" he did say "These things happen".

It was a huge lesson for me but they didn't notify CPS or anything. Don't be suprised if CPS doesn't contact you. I certainly hope you are left alone.
post #31 of 112
Why exactly would they check your fridge for something as simple as your child running away? I was under the impression they needed a neglect complaint or something to walk through the house.
post #32 of 112
I am so sorry!!!

Moobie, I am sooooooooo sorry!!!

I have never understood that: why do adults hold the door open for toddlers in the first place? We have had that happen so often! What are they thinking?!
post #33 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by kalimay View Post
"It's not illegal to let your children play alone in a backyard. It's not illegal to nap when they're playing either... not responsible, but not illegal."

I would be careful expressing this mentality. I think CPS can deem many things as neglectful that are not necessarily illegal.
I don't even see that as irresponsible, let alone neglectful. I've got a 20 day old baby, and three other kids. I'm also recovering from a c-section. Last night, I fell asleep while feeding the baby on the couch. It happened when dh and ds1 (16) were both around...but it could have happened when it was just me and the little ones. DD knows how to open both the chain on the front door and the back patio gate. If they got out, it wouldn't be because I'm irresponsible or neglectful - it would be because I'm exhausted.
post #34 of 112
What crummy neighbors. I def wouldn't waste time putting anything in writing. And I think you're wise to wait until you calm down before speaking to them. Maybe next week go over, or if you see them out try to strike up a conversation about it, but I bet right now they're all defensive and convinced that they did the right thing.
post #35 of 112


I hope CPS doesn't come.

I can't imagine calling the cops in a circumstance like this, and I'm one who'd consider calling the cops a lot more than some people.
post #36 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Madders View Post
Why exactly would they check your fridge for something as simple as your child running away? I was under the impression they needed a neglect complaint or something to walk through the house.
She did it so she could put it in the report so that CPS would not come. As in, I checked it out and the house was clean and the kids had food, mother was nice and kids were normal and happy. AKA, don't come!

Hoping it works!
post #37 of 112
ugh. i had a runner too. on more than 2, heck more than 10 occasions, he excaped from the house and ran down the street. naked. it got to where we had to keep all the doors and windows double locked so he wouldn't get out. we'd turn our back for a split second and he was gone.

luckly, he's (mostly) grown out of it. hopefully, yours does soon too. :
post #38 of 112
I have an escape artist 2 year old too. We have 2 gates that could let him out of the back yard (thank you God he can't climb the fence yet) We have one padlocked and the other we keep a tight bungee cord with caribiners on it that we can latch and unlatch. He can't pull it far enough to open it.

We have to keep the front door screen locked as well. We've installed chain locked up higher.

They all work fine until my husband forgets to latch the bungee cord thing and I look out the window to see my son across the street chasing the dogs he let out.

I was SO mad at my husband.

So I feel your pain. I hope that things end with the police visit. Little ones with no self control and little sense of danger are hard.
post #39 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by kalimay View Post
"It's not illegal to let your children play alone in a backyard. It's not illegal to nap when they're playing either... not responsible, but not illegal."

I would be careful expressing this mentality. I think CPS can deem many things as neglectful that are not necessarily illegal.

Also, I am not wanting to defend you neighbor but is it possible they were inside and saw your son run by and he came out after him at the same time you did?
Then I guess I'm very sad that wherever CPS would do this they are ignoring real neglect going on. Either that, or I'm glad - because apparently there IS no real neglect.
post #40 of 112
I have grabbed a kid that was getting away from mom before. If I'm concerned about safety, I"m not going to grab the phone to talk to the cops, I'm gonna stop the kid!
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