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Neighbor called the cops on me- VENT - Page 4

post #61 of 112
You know, I had CPS visit once after the police came and hauled my (now ex) husband off because he was attacking me in the front yard.

They came the next day to check on our well-being, ask if I knew how to file restraining orders and change locks, and basically was there to lend a shoulder and some support. She said it was routine, she was the nicest lady, and that was it.

To me, that seems way more valid. And it was nice to know that they were checking on a "violent household" with kids to ensure I wasn't stupid enough to let him back in!
post #62 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by moobiegirl View Post
i had something similar happen to me today too.

We live next door to a pizza shop. It gets really busy at lunch time. We walked over there to get a slice of pizza. Ds ran out the door. Two cops sitting at a table eating sees him run out and yells "he's out the door". Three adults were holding the door open. The one in the front yells back at me "do you want him out here?" i say "no", but really i'm thinking why would i want a 2 year old running out into a parking lot unsuprivised? Then he runs up some steps to a second story deck. A teenager tells me that he can't go up there. I say to him that he can't go anywhere up there and he'll come down faster than i can get to him so i'm just gonna wait for him to come down. Now mind you i am 39 weeks pregnant and can not run after a 2 year old, but no one will help me stop him from running. They all must think it's funny to watch a very pregnant lady chase a toddler.

I know how frustrating having a runner can be.
lame!
post #63 of 112
I've had CPS involvement for years because of an escape artist too. My oldest started getting out of the house when he was 3. Twice the cops got called, they called CPS, and at the time, we had this horrible, power hungry social worker. She nitpicked EVERYTHING. I mean, she yelled at me for having a fork (on my plate, which I was using when she showed up)-because he could stab his sister. Seriously.

Anyway, I have CPS involvement now too due to the same kid, who's NINE now, deciding to walk to the gas station to get bug juice. And because he likes to sound big, he decided to brag that he was giving himself his own meds (which he doesnt). Blarg. This time I got a decent worker and after they had been called at least 8 times for various things (the above stuff, as well as due to my neighbor calling anytime my 3 year old has a fit. Thanks.), I was referred to some other program. Its annoying, but at least they dont knitpick.

I sincerly hope that your neighbors child is a little escape artist in a few years too. *evil laugh*
post #64 of 112
My first thought was 'may they be blessed with a runner/escape artist. Perhaps not so nice but sometimes it takes experience to humble a person.
post #65 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by LavenderMae View Post
My first thought was 'may they be blessed with a runner/escape artist. Perhaps not so nice but sometimes it takes experience to humble a person.
I have wished that on a few key people...
post #66 of 112
I don't know if this will help. I live in MD. I have had two friends have this happen to them. Both times, CPS had to come out, but found nothing wrong, and closed the case.
I too have a runner, and I worry that she will get out and disappear, especially in an unknown area. It is very scary!!
post #67 of 112
A thought on why they didn't do anything (just playing devil's advocate here, I still would have grabbed him!) - think about how our society is now. You might not be this way, but look at from their perspective: Your child disappears and when you run outside, you see a strange man down the street, holding him. How would an awful lot of people interpret that? Unfortunately, a lot of people won't touch a child they don't know, even to be helpful, because they're afraid of the reaction.
post #68 of 112
So if the cops are called do you HAVE to let them in your house and do they HAVE to call CPS? Isnt there leeway for them to use their own judgement???


I feel like I am next in line....the other day walking into the Publix, ds would NOT hold my hand and so I held him by the wrist, while he protested and this one older person was just watching me, gave me the heebeejeevies. What am I supposed to do? Let him walk by himself? Um, dont think so.
post #69 of 112
Quote:
the 2.5 year old opened the gate (which he knows is a big no-no).
See, I don't think that a 2.5 year old is going to remember when they want to open the gate, that mom doesn't want him to do it. If he's outside, you need to be out there too. If you go in, so does he.
post #70 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
See, I don't think that a 2.5 year old is going to remember when they want to open the gate, that mom doesn't want him to do it.
I was thinking this too, or basically that he might not have the impulse control not to do it.

Quote:
If he's outside, you need to be out there too. If you go in, so does he.
I generally think the same way about a 2.5 year old, though of course exact thinking might vary slightly by child and situation. This kid's an escape artist for sure, so I guess you'll be on your toes for a couple years!

I realize that him being out there with a big kid who can get you in case of trouble does seem to have a semi-protective quality, but clearly in this case not quite enough.

You were busy learning that, though, when all that happened. To the neighbor, way to kick a poor mom when she's down. Sorry that happened to you. That sucks!

I do think your neighbors should have tried to help you and that there was no reason to call the police since you were obviously right there running after him.

If they truly worried this was a case of neglect, I'd say they should have helped you first, then thought about it for a while, then talked with you about their concerns and maybe even offerred to help in some way, and then if the concerns remained, called CPS themselves.
post #71 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by phathui5 View Post
See, I don't think that a 2.5 year old is going to remember when they want to open the gate, that mom doesn't want him to do it. If he's outside, you need to be out there too. If you go in, so does he.
I was outside. I have a big backyard. He moves fast (as in he runs especially if he knows he is being followed).

Funny thing was when the cop was talking to me in my fenced front yard my 4 year old was climbing the chainlink and she didn't see it (I have to constantly look around with my two so I caught it). Then my other neighbor came over today to give me support. It is a VERY small town so basically the whole town knows the cops came to my house. Anyway, while talking, I turned and my 2 year old was gone. He was inside the house (which he can't be alone in because of his hatred of eggs et.al.). I know it is a stage but what a stage it is!

It's something I am sure I will find funny one day, but while my kids are the sweetest, kindest, funniest kids in the world, they are monkeys. Literally.

Anyway, the question do you have to let the cops in? No. You don't. I thought about it since I know my rights, but I thought why not? It may have been a really good idea because in the report that they HAVE to send to CPS she can mention that the house showed no signs of neglect. Therefor it could mean that CPS doesn't have to come out. But of course you can say no.


DocsNemesis- that scares me. I worry about the psycho case worker who finds forks a danger to humanity etc. That is why I don't appreciate my neighbors and the choice to call in authorities who may or may not be sane. Of course I have wished them the humbling experience of a runner. And will I call the cops? Nope! I will wink as I give the child back.

I get why they wouldn't want to be holding my kid I guess, but still! It would never cross my mind to not help, and before kids I helped many a young child get back to mom when I found them wandering around. Never called the cops.

As far as wondering when it will happen to you, geez I used to read all the threads about CPS and think, it won't happen to me! Well, it did. People can be real idiots and call about anything. I am blessed that I have enough energy with just two to keep my house pretty clean and I am a chunky gal who likes to eat so the idea of no food in my house is blasphamy, so I was lucky. I guess just dot your i's and cross your t's and hope that the world becomes more neighborly and less apt to bring in the police/cps.

I just have to say on top of the fact that I had the police in my house and now a case number, the fact that the whole town knows is just super cool.
post #72 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sierra View Post

If they truly worried this was a case of neglect, I'd say they should have helped you first, then thought about it for a while, then talked with you about their concerns and maybe even offerred to help in some way, and then if the concerns remained, called CPS themselves.
That is how I have handled things in the past with moms having a hard time.

My neighbor that came over asked if I needed anything but dh is home tomorrow and can fix the gate, so no. But the fact is that I do need a guy sometimes as my ability to put locks on things obviously fail. Or a gal that is better at these things than myself!

My dh is a trucker and is only home a day and half each week. Most neighbors have been really kind knowing I am mostly a single mom with a lot of house. I have had them come over and weed my backyard, give me fertilizer for my lawn, mow my yard or at least start it (which with two kids and a dog that have to be there with me is a nightmare of fear, mostly the dog who tries to attack the mower, the kids have to sit against the wall).

If they had concern, which I had concern too so I wouldn't blame them, I would have loved help. A person who understood basic physics of a gate? Awesome! But they don't know and didn't try to know. Shame on them for that.

And now we have to be neighbors. Can I overcome my feelings towards them at this point (who have band practice that vibrates my walls until 10pm every other night and I never considered calling the police??) I don't know. I will try my hardest, it is not worth it harboring negative feelings. But it sure is hard right now.
post #73 of 112
I'd write them a letter explaining how this has made you feel and point out the band practice stuff...
post #74 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplemoon View Post
I run to the backyard and look out and don't see him, I am calling for him loudly from the instant my son told me. I see a man at the corner of the alley and street on a cellphone and I ask if he has seen my son. He said he went that way and pointed and then followed my son. I am running when a woman with a baby yells at me that this is the second time and she is calling the police (is on the phone that moment) and the man who was on the phone was her husband who was also calling the police.
I really hate people sometimes. Two people are just standing there, calling the police on their cell phones while your toddler runs by? What the heck???

Someone called social services on my sister once, because she had 6 children; they reported her for running an unlicensed daycare.
post #75 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplemoon View Post
Anyway, the question do you have to let the cops in? No. You don't. I thought about it since I know my rights, but I thought why not? It may have been a really good idea because in the report that they HAVE to send to CPS she can mention that the house showed no signs of neglect. Therefor it could mean that CPS doesn't have to come out. But of course you can say no.
crap. Guess I am scrubbing the house this weekend.

I grew up in Northern Ca am dying to know what town you are in

I really hate that you are dealing with such nonsense. I am on the list that hopes the neigbor has a monkey too
post #76 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by lness View Post
A thought on why they didn't do anything (just playing devil's advocate here, I still would have grabbed him!) - think about how our society is now. You might not be this way, but look at from their perspective: Your child disappears and when you run outside, you see a strange man down the street, holding him. How would an awful lot of people interpret that? Unfortunately, a lot of people won't touch a child they don't know, even to be helpful, because they're afraid of the reaction.

Yep.

I thought I was helping a fellow mom recently...but apparently she didn't want my help. We were all getting off the plane, tons of people pouring out into the jetway...she and my hubby were both getting the strollers at the bottom of the jetway, and her son (probably a young 4yo if I had to guess) just took off into the crowd of people and kept going. The terminal was packed and he was a runner. I caught up to him in the terminal and walked him back down to his mom. Now I'm not overly paranoid about such things, but he was not stopping and I could barely see him even following close behind - and she was still down at the bottom with her bags! But rather than a thank you, I got one of the meanest death glares you could imagine. And I'm not a weird pervy old man but a pregnant woman carrying my 1yo to boot.
post #77 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties View Post
crap. Guess I am scrubbing the house this weekend.

I grew up in Northern Ca am dying to know what town you are in

I really hate that you are dealing with such nonsense. I am on the list that hopes the neigbor has a monkey too

My house has never been cleaner since! Seriously, it is showroom nice. I spent the day vacuuming under the beds and dusting every single thing in the house! Now I will probably be put away for being neurotic. lol.

The town I am in is 800 people. Have you heard of it? Probably not.

The cool thing about the town was that we all help each other out. The week before I paid for someone's medication and took them to the doctor because they had an infection, washed an invalid's hair and took him grocery shopping (a 4 hour event), drove someone home so he wouldn't walk home intoxicated, hid someone's keys and talked them down from committing suicide, gave my neighbors some peaches that I have too much of, and watched a nieghbors kid all day for nothing because they had a work emergency. And they have all helped me when I needed it with yardwork and car help etc. But yet these people had to pop out of the woodwork and sour me to everything. GRRRR! I just have to know most of us are in it together in this small, tiny town.
post #78 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by Viola View Post
I really hate people sometimes. Two people are just standing there, calling the police on their cell phones while your toddler runs by? What the heck???

Someone called social services on my sister once, because she had 6 children; they reported her for running an unlicensed daycare.
Are you serious?

It had to have been a headache but it looks really funny written out.
post #79 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by marrymeflyfree View Post
and she was still down at the bottom with her bags! But rather than a thank you, I got one of the meanest death glares you could imagine.
Some people view helping as criticism. She may have been worried that you were about to give her a lecture for not watching her child--like how the neighbors did in the OP.
post #80 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kappa View Post
The only time I have ever called the cops on a parent was when a little girl showed up at my house saying her mother was "gone" and when I took her back to her house to look, her mother was in fact "gone." Why r u going to call the cops when the mother is standing right there?
Thank goodness that little girl knew of a nice neighbor to ask for help!
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