Birth Control and The Catholic Church

[springmama]

I'm in the process of converting and in RCIA was told that using bc is a matter of conscience. Even though the church states that you are only allowed to use NFP, if you don't want any more children for good reasons then you can consciously decide to use bc and take that on your own conscience to explain to God. No need to confess it because it is on your conscience.

Is this really true or is this a matter of personal opinion? I was also kind of told that it is definitely not something that would really be talked about among church members as it is a seriously heated subject. Being a convert I'm totally confused.

[claddaghmom]

Hi, were you the member posting on the June/July thread?

I think you need to ask yourself: are you interested in the actual teachings, in learning about them and following them? Or are you looking for others to support you in following some teachings but not others?

The actual teaching on birth control has been clearly stated over and over again. What individuals choose to do is something else entirely.

As I mentioned on the other thread, I find it quite sad that someone is telling you it is okay to use birth control if you make a conscious decision. They are ensuring you are fulfilling the three requirements to commit a mortal sin. Very strange the way they have turned it around on you. I would dwell on that and re-evaluate your trust in them.

Here are some resources for you:

http://www.catholic.com/library/Birth_Control.asp

...some maintain that the Church considers the use of contraception a matter for each married couple to decide according to their "individual conscience." ...The Church has always maintained the historic Christian teaching that deliberate acts of contraception are always gravely sinful, which means that it is mortally sinful if done with full knowledge and deliberate consent (CCC 1857). This teaching cannot be changed and has been taught by the Church infallibly.

There is no way to deny the fact that the Church has always and everywhere condemned artificial contraception. The so-called "individual conscience" argument amounts to "individual disobedience."

http://www.catholic-truth.info/apolo...rthcontrol.htm

Concise question and answer page.

"

The Catholic Church has taught birth control is wrong since the earliest days of the Church. Origen wrote to the pagan Celsus in the third century: "At least the more our people obey Christian doctrine, the more they love purity, abstaining from even lawful sex-pleasure that they may the more purely worship God.

"


http://catechismoncall.wordpress.com...tholic-church/

Here is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church states regarding birth control:

2399 “The regulation of births represents one of the aspects of responsible fatherhood and motherhood. Legitimate intentions on the part of the spouses do not justify recourse to morally unacceptable means (for example, direct sterilization or contraception).”

You may also find a more palatable resource through www.christopherwest.com. I recommend reading his commentary on the "Theology of the Body" and if possible attending one of his seminars.

[lilyka]

i am not even catholic and I have never heard it preached by the church that it was a matter of conscience, just people who want to justify using it. the church is very firmly anti abortion and most artificial birth control acts an abortificient. it is pretty black and white. I think barrier methods and NFP could be a little more grey but I would bet they are still confession worthy if you do choose to use them and you don't have a very very very good reason.

[springmama]

Thanks for the resources. I did read through a lot of what you gave me to look at in the other thread. I especially loved "Theology of the body"

I do disagree with what this person is telling me and I feel that I was told this in a "here's how it is now drop it" sort of way. This person chose to use bc after having a few children and feels it is a matter of hush-hush conscience. As far as my situation goes my dh isn't Catholic and I can't stop him form pulling out, using a condom or getting a vasectomy. He doesn't want any more children in the near future if ever.

I just don't feel like I can bring this up in RCIA because this was told to me in a private meeting with one of the teachers. I really like the person but feel that what they are teaching isn't quite in line with the Church. I don't feel like I have anyone else to talk to about it so I thought I would come here. Thanks - I look forward to hearing all perspectives on this one. And I know ultimately I have to make my own choice about it.

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by springmama

Thanks for the resources. I did read through a lot of what you gave me to look at in the other thread. I especially loved "Theology of the body"

I do disagree with what this person is telling me and I feel that I was told this in a "here's how it is now drop it" sort of way. This person chose to use bc after having a few children and feels it is a matter of hush-hush conscience. As far as my situation goes my dh isn't Catholic and I can't stop him form pulling out, using a condom or getting a vasectomy. He doesn't want any more children in the near future if ever.

I just don't feel like I can bring this up in RCIA because this was told to me in a private meeting with one of the teachers. I really like the person but feel that what they are teaching isn't quite in line with the Church. I don't feel like I have anyone else to talk to about it so I thought I would come here. Thanks - I look forward to hearing all perspectives on this one. And I know ultimately I have to make my own choice about it.

It's really sad how those w/ an issue to grind tend to crop up in areas where they can target those who might be vulnerable to confusion.

I'm sure you'll get a good variety of responses. That's one of the reasons I love MDC.


BTW, for your particular situation, the Church has some specifics:

http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/po...emecum_en.html

From the VADEMECUM FOR CONFESSORS CONCERNING SOME ASPECTS OF THE MORALITY OF CONJUGAL LIFE:

13. Special difficulties are presented by cases of cooperation in the sin of a spouse who voluntarily renders the unitive act infecund. In the first place, it is necessary to distinguish cooperation in the proper sense, from violence or unjust imposition on the part of one of the spouses, which the other spouse in fact cannot resist.46, 561).]

On this forum, someone already asked a similar question:

http://forums.catholic.com/showpost....46&postcount=2

What to do if spouses cannot agree on birth control?

When one spouse does not wish to practice birth control, but the other insists upon it, the Church allows the non-practicing spouse to engage in relations with the contracepting spouse for the sake of maintaining the marriage. The non-practicing partner is not allowed to use birth control himself, he must make his opposition to birth control known, and -- at appropriate times -- he should seek to educate his spouse about the morality of the practice.

[Bluegoat]

If it was one of the instructors that told you this, it is really a problem. Instructors can't be giving out false information to new converts, or even potential converts.

OTOH, it isn't your place either to report her private life to anyone. It is on the conscience in the sense that every individual can decide if he is actually going to follow the teaching of the Church or not - I mean, no one can force him to.

I would feel very uncomfortable that this person was teaching this class. I don't know what I would do about it.

[shelbean91]

Knowingly using a birth control method to prevent pregnancy isn't ok in the church- only nfp.

[zuzunel09]

Originally Posted by lilyka

i am not even catholic and I have never heard it preached by the church that it was a matter of conscience, just people who want to justify using it. the church is very firmly anti abortion and most artificial birth control acts an abortificient. it is pretty black and white. I think barrier methods and NFP could be a little more grey but I would bet they are still confession worthy if you do choose to use them and you don't have a very very very good reason.

I just read a Catholic book about the theology of sex and the body, and it advocated NFP as the only birth control method that respected the human body and human reproduction. It definitely was officially endorsed, so I don't see how a Catholic would have to take it to confession. What's the difference between a very good reason and a very very very good reason?

[lilyka]

when we were taking NFP classes they said it was not ok to use it just because you were too lazy to have more kids or troo selfish or too greedy etc....that wanting nice things was not a good reason etc....I guess there thechnically the sin would not be birth control but greed. or maybe both. it seemed to be approached in "if you absolutely muct..." sort of way. i was not catholic so i didn't care one way or the other what the church taught as far as spacing/putting off children.

[zuzunel09]

I guess I mean, NFP has been officially ok'd by the RCC, and if the reason you're practicing it is known to your confessor or spiritual father who approves, then it shouldn't be judged by someone else. Obviously greed and laziness are bad, but if a couple has proved to be very fertile and are not financially able to have another child right away, why is using our natural knowledge of a woman's fertility to be equated with using barrier methods?

[lilyka]

well if you have been given permission by your spiritual father then of course it is ok but I was just saying, preventing pregnancy by any method would be a sin if your didn't have a very good reason.

[Smokering]

According to my Catholic SIL, even NFP can't be done "just 'cause" - there has to be grave reason. I've heard various Catholics define "grave reason" in various ways, from "the mother would die if she had any more kids" right through to "babies deserve at least 2 years breastmilk, so NFP is permissible to prevent pregnancy and the possible dip in milk supply during that time". You'd have to check on the legality of tht according to Catholic teachings, though; I'm not sure the official stance recognises any many reasons as "grave" as some people do.

[springmama]

Well I was under the impression that NFP was ok no matter the reasons and that only contraception i.e condoms, withdrawal, the pill etc were an issue.

I'm having a hard time understanding this. I understand where the Church is coming from for the most part on this issue, but what if you really just have no desire to have any more children, then shouldn't you be able to avoid with NFP? You would at least be practicing self control to abstain during fertile times and accept any surprises that may come along. To me it doesn't seem like something that would need to be taken to confession. So far this has been my main issue with the Church and I am having an easy time with the other things covered in RCIA (except this hasn't been covered within the whole class)

Who and how would I talk to someone else in the Church about this w/out offending or outing the teacher that told me this. She is the only female teaching RCIA so I'm afraid if I ask to talk with the other teacher or the priest they will refer me back to her. Any ideas? I really appreciate all of your help!

[claddaghmom]

Originally Posted by Smokering

According to my Catholic SIL, even NFP can't be done "just 'cause" - there has to be grave reason. I've heard various Catholics define "grave reason" in various ways, from "the mother would die if she had any more kids" right through to "babies deserve at least 2 years breastmilk, so NFP is permissible to prevent pregnancy and the possible dip in milk supply during that time". You'd have to check on the legality of tht according to Catholic teachings, though; I'm not sure the official stance recognises any many reasons as "grave" as some people do.

My reading on the subject concluded (for me ) that the idea of abstaining periodically and using science to observe our fertility is good when spacing children. But using NFP to actually try to avoid children indefinitely/permanently appears to require just cause and grave reason.

The primary issue appears to be that although NFP is natural and does not create a barrier to conception, it can still be used with a contraceptive mentality, which is the denial of the unity between love and procreation.

In other words, it is not so much the issue of using NFP, which is valid, but in misusing NFP.

[shelbean91]

NFP is allowed, as long as you're abstaining during the fertile times, not using alternate birth control. B/c honestly, if we're going with church and miracles, etc., if God wants you pg, you'll be pg, IMO, regardless of bc methods.

[BMG580]

First, I also started RCIA in a parish that ended up being more liberal. A big first clue was the announcement that artificial birth control was a choice left up to the individual or couple's conscience. That is just not what the Church teaches and was a big red flag. I ended up switching parishes (as it turned out my new parish was closer to my house anyway) and I received a more orthodox Catholic education. This parish is doing you and your RCIA class a huge disservice. I guess for me it boiled down to whether or not I wanted to learn what the Catholic Church actually teaches or what some people's opinions are on Catholic teaching.

This is a very helpful article:

http://www.janetsmith.excerptsofinri.com/

My RCIA class actually had a couple guest speakers come in and do more in depth discussions on Theology of the Body and on physical intimacy in marriage. I will be the first in line to admit that NFP isn't always easy to practice but the rewards in my marriage were well worth the sacrifice. I strongly recommend you take an actual class, I thought I had it all figured out as I had used NFP to GET pregnant two previous times but apparently avoiding is a bit trickier and I am now pregnant because we weren't as careful as we should have been. I thought being in the middle of a huge move across the country and having no house to move into immediately (we are with in laws currently) was a grave enough reason to avoid but now that we are indeed pregnant and not unhappy about it, it doesn't seem like it was at all. I think the key for me is to continue learning to suspend my will and try and find God's will for my life. Obviously things are working out differently than I intended but they are working out as God intended!

With all that said, you do need a grave reason to avoid pregnancy, that is quite a grey area that isn't defined by the Church. Some people think it has to be a life and death situation for it to be grave, others believe things like school commitments, finances and wanting space between children to protect a breastfeeding relationship are grave enough. A good spiritual director (which I have yet to find!) can help sort these questions out with you as can a priest.

[lilyka]

i'm kinda a when in doubt take it to confession kind of girl....but I would think that any time we try to seperate sex from procreation by any means we had better think long and hard about it. God designed us, and sex and marriage and procreation the way he did for a reason.

[wholewheatchick]

Wow that is a really tough position that you are in. I remember two instances like that for me. When I was a junior in high school, my CCD teacher said that having sex after you were engaged but before you were married was fine as long as you were both ok with it. I came home and told my mom I was never going back to CCD when I knew more about the Cathechism than the teacher.

I also had the NFP/BC issue at our Pre-Cana retreat that we did as a requirement before we got married. Now, I am not as 100% Catholic as I was in high school, but it made me so angry that these teacher couples BARELY mentioned NFP, and when they did, they said, "Well, we didn't know about this when we got married, and if we had, we wouldn't have used it anyway." Like it's this unrealistic expectation that no one actually does. Which may be true, as only 5% of people who call themselves practicing Catholics actually use NFP versus other forms of BC.

But you're right...what do you say to that? And it's like you should be able to talk with other Catholics about this, and share tips and struggles and such, but you can't...because hardly anyone is using it! As for me, there are still issues I have with the Catholic Church, but I agree 100% with NFP. DH does not, but that's another story.

The sticky part, as others have pointed out, is what constitutes a grave reason to abstain. Financially unable to care for another child? YES that is a reason; but the question to ask is, would that mean you don't get to go to Disney World, or would it mean that there is a tremendous amount of stress and burden placed on you and your family by the expenses of another child? Do ecological reasons for only having a few kids count? Maybe; that one is super difficult to talk about or get clear answers to. Psychological well-being is also a critical factor. For instance, I would LOVE to have a large family. DH, however, was an only child, and at this point does not feel like he can multi-task well enough to care for more than 2 children. Also, he is a hazardous profession (pilot for the Coast Guard). If something happened to him, would I be able to care for all of the children on my own, in a way that we want to raise our kids with me as a SAHM?

I think that using NFP or not is not up for debate among Catholics, and it is not a matter of conscience. What is a matter of consciences is how and to what extent you use NFP. And that is where the theological becomes personal.

[Bluegoat]

The "grave" reason thing generates a lot of discussion - what exactly does it mean? It rather sounds like the mother's life is in danger or some such thing.

Well, it probably doesn't actually mean grave, it means serious. The original English translation of the document that gave out the guidelines on this issue used the word grave. However, recently a new and much better translation has become available, which softens the meaning somewhat. (The original translation was done fairly quickly, by different translators - the newer one is a properly and carefully translated work.) I'm afraid I can't remember what the organization responsible for the new translation is.

Nevertheless, the idea is still the same - having children is an important, and integral part of marriage in Catholicism. It is permissible to avoid having children for a time, or sometimes indefinitely, for certain serious considerations. Worldly considerations and personal preference are not really in the running.

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by springmama

Who and how would I talk to someone else in the Church about this w/out offending or outing the teacher that told me this. She is the only female teaching RCIA so I'm afraid if I ask to talk with the other teacher or the priest they will refer me back to her. Any ideas? I really appreciate all of your help!

You might try looking for something written by Christopher West. He gives very good explanations of the doctrines surrounding sexuality. You could also just tell the priest that you are confused by the explanation you heard from the instructor and would like an explanation from someone else. However, there are priests out there who do not toe the line on this issue.