I don't even know where to begin. I'm pretty sure this is PPD coupled with some real situations going on, and its making me a mess. I feel like I have no one to talk to, my mother is no help she just tells me its my hormones and makes me feel like she doesn't want to talk to me. My best friend just keeps telling me I need help with the kids but I have no one to help here. My DP is dealing with his father dying so I feel like I can't ask him for help, instead I'm trying to make life easier on him and I just screw everything up. We end up fighting because we're both so stressed. I try to just talk to him sometimes, just to vent and I can see/feel him tune me out because he doesn't want to hear me.
I can't stand my 4 year old, she is a nasty, whiney, rude, screaming, hitting, punching, kicking, name calling I don't know what. The stress of everything is making her act out really bad and I can't handle her anymore. I'm ashamed of how I've been reacting to her and how I feel about her right now, I just can't stand to be around her when she acts like this. She kicked me in my c/s incision the other day, really hurting me and I ended up smacking her on the butt. I don't want to spank my kids, I hate myself for doing it. I don't believe in hitting kids, I hate people that hit their kids, I just lost it and I can't explain why.
My DS screams and cries so much, he pukes all day long, I had to change his and my clothes 5 times yesterday, plus wash the sheets, blankets, pillow cases, and an entire load of clean laundry that he puked on. I took him to the ped today, who changed his formula, now we're on our 4th one. I had to stop nursing him the little that he would even nurse (he refused my breast most of the time once my milk came in) because he would scream for hours after he finished nursing and he broke out in a painful bleeding rash all over his head and face. So I failed at nursing him after nursing my daughter for over 3 years.
I just want to run away from all of them. I keep thinking about just not being here anymore and I'm scared to think like this. I hate what I'm becoming. I had an appointment yesterday with the OBGYN that did my c/s and was going to ask for a referral for therapy and some kind of meds and they freaking forgot I was there. I sat in the waiting room for 45 minutes with two kids, DS starting screaming to eat and I was afraid to feed him because of him puking, than DD started acting up, pushing me, hitting me, etc. I got up and asked them to reschedule my appointment and they tried to tell me I was next. So I sat back down and they called someone else back, than someone else, and still not me. By this time DD was hysterical crying, the baby was hysterical, and I wanted to just walk out and leave everyone, including the kids there. I ended up rescheduling the appointment and leaving. And of course we got home and the baby puked and DD got TV taken away from her for the rest of the day, and out of everyone I talked to, friends, family, medical people, not a single one of them offered to help me or asked me if I was ok.
I just hate what my life has become. I love my kids but I don't want to be a mother any more because I'm not a good one. My daughter hates me, I can't make my son better. But I HAVE to take care of them all and I have to stop feeling like this. I'm sorry this is so long and all over the place, I'm just so tired and frustrated and its all building up inside me because I have no one to talk to.
I can't stand my 4 year old, she is a nasty, whiney, rude, screaming, hitting, punching, kicking, name calling I don't know what. The stress of everything is making her act out really bad and I can't handle her anymore. I'm ashamed of how I've been reacting to her and how I feel about her right now, I just can't stand to be around her when she acts like this. She kicked me in my c/s incision the other day, really hurting me and I ended up smacking her on the butt. I don't want to spank my kids, I hate myself for doing it. I don't believe in hitting kids, I hate people that hit their kids, I just lost it and I can't explain why.
My DS screams and cries so much, he pukes all day long, I had to change his and my clothes 5 times yesterday, plus wash the sheets, blankets, pillow cases, and an entire load of clean laundry that he puked on. I took him to the ped today, who changed his formula, now we're on our 4th one. I had to stop nursing him the little that he would even nurse (he refused my breast most of the time once my milk came in) because he would scream for hours after he finished nursing and he broke out in a painful bleeding rash all over his head and face. So I failed at nursing him after nursing my daughter for over 3 years.
I just want to run away from all of them. I keep thinking about just not being here anymore and I'm scared to think like this. I hate what I'm becoming. I had an appointment yesterday with the OBGYN that did my c/s and was going to ask for a referral for therapy and some kind of meds and they freaking forgot I was there. I sat in the waiting room for 45 minutes with two kids, DS starting screaming to eat and I was afraid to feed him because of him puking, than DD started acting up, pushing me, hitting me, etc. I got up and asked them to reschedule my appointment and they tried to tell me I was next. So I sat back down and they called someone else back, than someone else, and still not me. By this time DD was hysterical crying, the baby was hysterical, and I wanted to just walk out and leave everyone, including the kids there. I ended up rescheduling the appointment and leaving. And of course we got home and the baby puked and DD got TV taken away from her for the rest of the day, and out of everyone I talked to, friends, family, medical people, not a single one of them offered to help me or asked me if I was ok.
I just hate what my life has become. I love my kids but I don't want to be a mother any more because I'm not a good one. My daughter hates me, I can't make my son better. But I HAVE to take care of them all and I have to stop feeling like this. I'm sorry this is so long and all over the place, I'm just so tired and frustrated and its all building up inside me because I have no one to talk to.
I came to this forum feeling much of what you are. DH and I are at odds, though he's pretending there's nothing wrong, a good friend died about two weeks ago now (a week after I called to tell him about my beautiful baby boy and he didn't call me back), my DD is also being a little monster, mostly just whining constantly and yelling, no hitting here yet, and things with the step-kids aren't great at the moment either. I can't figure out how to deal with the grief of losing my friend and I can't seem to get DH to realize that he's tearing the family apart by not talking to me about what OUR problems are.
