Attachment parenting more than 1 child

[Lovenest]

So we are thinking about #2 and our son will be 7 in August.
I am so scared of the thought of having to "split" myself in half for 2 children.
My son is very attached to hubby and I. How can you make such a big transition for a child that has been an only for 7 years as easy as possible?
I feel like he may feel like I have ruined his life or hate me because of adding to our family. But, I also think a sibling and a new child for us would be a wonderful addition to our family.

It is such an emotional thing for me, having him be the center of our world and then trying to wrap my head around about how to have another child around and make my son still feel that way.

Any input or advice would be wonderful. Thank you!

[newmoon2000]

No worries, mama! As the mother of twins, I can tell you with great authority that it IS possible to practice attachment parenting with two little ones without having to feel like you are splitting yourself in half. You sound like a very loving and devoted mother. I'm very sure there is more than enough love in your heart to hold another child as closely and dearly as you held your first. Love has no limits. Instead of thinking of it as having one love that must be split in two, rather imagine what it will be like when your capacity for love DOUBLES...i.e., you get to love EVEN MORE than you dreamed possible! In the same way you were able to love your husband AND then your DS, your love will expand to include and welcome another soul into your family. And, who knows…maybe more beyond that?!?

As for your son, I think that, at 7 years old, he is well equipped emotionally to handle the arrival of a sibling (I believe Naomi Aldort actually recommends spacing children out by 5 years of more – you can probably find information about that on her website). Yes, there will be some shifts and compromises that inevitably must be made in an effort to meet the needs of all members of an expanding family, but nothing you and your son can’t handle. The human heart wants to…needs to…love. Give your son (and yourself) the opportunity to open his heart to an expanding family!

[A&A]

Not only will you be getting a new baby, but also your ds will be getting a sibling. It will be a new joy in his life, as well.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by A&A

Not only will you be getting a new baby, but also your ds will be getting a sibling. It will be a new joy in his life, as well.

ditto this.

doriansmummy - I know how you are feeling. I had my 2nd child when my oldest was 6. He was our only for so long and we did everything together. I feared that it would be hard on him but he really loved having a little sister ever since the moment she was born. He still, to this day, at 14 yrs old enjoys his little sister (now 7) and even though they argue and are your average siblings, they also adore one another and let another person try to harm one of them and the other has got their back. They are super close. I think the fact that we home school encourages the closeness as well. Now I have # 3 on the way and I feel a little better about it this time around.

[mainemommy1]

I feel the same way you do about having another child. It is just so reassuring to hear that someone else thinks this because sometimes I wonder if these are normal feelings to be having. MY son is 4-so siblings will be 5years apart likely but I still worry about how it will affect him. It seems that so many space their kids much closer together in age but that just did not feel right for me. I don't really have any advice-just wanted to say that you are not alone in your feelings! We are also thinking about #2

[SandraS]

I've "split" four times, and I assure you, it's added value to all of our lives! The house and hearts just fill with more and more love. Really.

[phathui5]

I think of it more as stretching than splitting. You grow as a parent when your family grows.

And I can say that you can AP more than 1 child. I've done it with 4.

[Amys1st]

One thing I noticed when dd2 came along- my dd1's AP instincts kicked in. Such as when Maggie would cry, Liz would say- mommy Maggie needs you!! Also, both take their AP style along with then. They could not imagine not slinging a child, nursing when the baby/tot wanted etc.

At one of DD1 Liz's softball game last spring, there was a baby in a stroller sitting and started crying. Maggie (3) went over to her and said to me sternly, "that baby is crying, we need to get her". She then went to the baby's mother and said that. The mother responded- "Oh she is just looking for attention" and turned her back. Well duh, so give it to her. Well my Maggie felt the same way. She went over to the stroller and said "its ok baby, I cannot pick you up, but I can hug you." She then proceeded to hug her and say- "oh its ok...."

I have noticed as my AP raised children get older, they also seek out their independence on their own. ITs as if they have gotten what they need and now have the confidence to do their thing. So if you have raised your oldest and one and only this way, he might just use this as a time for independence and also to show his AP ways.