I posted a similar thread earlier, but wanted to get more thoughts. How do you all respond when your young child is rude to you or to others? My dd is finally getting out of her physical stage, but the choice of words she uses and her tone can be very nasty. She doesn't know any swear words (thank goodness!), but has lately taken to such charming phrases as "knock it off!" "don't say that!" and "go away, I don't like you!" Not horrible, but her tone is often very angry/demanding- she gets easily overwhelmed/frustrated/threatened in various situations, and, to be honest, it really is a big improvement that she's using words instead of lashing out physically by hitting or spitting- we've been working on it! However, it's still obviously not the ideal way to interact with people, and her little friends get their feelings hurt, and adults give me the stink eye for not punishing her harshly or forcing her to apologise.
I always intervene and talk with her about how people don't like to be talked to like that, I give her alternative ways to express herself nicely ("please stop that" etc.) or tell her that she can move away from someone if she doesn't like how they're playing, and if I sense that there's too much tension, then we leave. I get the feeling sometimes that other parents expect me to be harsher (especially those whose children are not as sensitive/intense, but more laid back) I will also say that I'm happy that she is not passive (she has stood up for herself when much older kids were playing gun games, etc. that made her uncomfortable, and I'm very proud of that)
Do you think this is reasonable? Should a 3.5 yo be able to control themselves to a greater degree and exhibit nicer manners? Would you leave immediately the first time something nasty is said? If we keep talking about it, will it eventually get better, or is my relative lenience dooming her to be a mean, nasty person forever? I want to help her learn how and when to stand up for herself and how to be a nice, pleasant friend. I guess I just feel like this learning can be slow going, even though I am seeing progress.
I always intervene and talk with her about how people don't like to be talked to like that, I give her alternative ways to express herself nicely ("please stop that" etc.) or tell her that she can move away from someone if she doesn't like how they're playing, and if I sense that there's too much tension, then we leave. I get the feeling sometimes that other parents expect me to be harsher (especially those whose children are not as sensitive/intense, but more laid back) I will also say that I'm happy that she is not passive (she has stood up for herself when much older kids were playing gun games, etc. that made her uncomfortable, and I'm very proud of that)
Do you think this is reasonable? Should a 3.5 yo be able to control themselves to a greater degree and exhibit nicer manners? Would you leave immediately the first time something nasty is said? If we keep talking about it, will it eventually get better, or is my relative lenience dooming her to be a mean, nasty person forever? I want to help her learn how and when to stand up for herself and how to be a nice, pleasant friend. I guess I just feel like this learning can be slow going, even though I am seeing progress.
