how do i fix this?

[beansmama]

DD turned 5 in april. So, she's about to start school this September. She is currently an only child (although I am due with my second in a couple of days!) and I guess I babied her...um....a bit?

She can't dress herself. She can't put on her own shoes (I'm talking velcro). She can't wipe her butt! When she pee's, she'll wipe just fine and wash her hands alright - but she "can't" pull up her undies and pants, skirt, whatever it is she has on.

I have no problem with doing these things for her (well, I'd really like to teach her to wipe her own butt! lol)...but i'm worried about her starting school. What's she going to do if she can't pull up her pants? What if she has to poop? ARGH!

She hasn't been around other kids *that* much...but when we do go around other kids her age, sometimes even a year younger, I notice they do a LOT more on their own than my DD does...and I know it's not a contest, but aren't these basic things kids should learn?

I feel like a SUCH crappy mom right now. Can someone please give me some advice. Please?

TIA

[nextcommercial]

Well, in all the schools around here, the teacher is NEVER, ever allowed to help with any toileting at all. Even if she wets her pants, the teacher can't go into the bathroom and help her. The teacher can't even go in the bathroom. So, your daughter needs to learn to completely pull her own pants up. (If she has an accident, they send her to the nurse to change clothes, but even the nurse can't dress her.. so they will call you to come do it)

Also, the teachers here are not allowed to tuck in shirts, or buckle belts for them either.

So, you spend the rest of the summer teaching her to pull her own pants up corectly.... AND find clothes that are extremely user friendly.

If she can't wipe her own bottom, and she happens to poop at school, she will have stuff in her undies.. but, it's not a big deal. Nothing a nice long bath can't fix.

Her shoes, no biggie either.. she won't be taking them off anyway. So, just make sure she is wearing velcro most days, and work on that skill this year.

Your daughter CAN do these things.. she just hasn't ever been expected to, and she hasn't (obviously) wanted to. My daughter was COMPLETELY dressing and undressing herself by about 15 months.... annoyingly often. In anybody's clothes and shoes she could find. She could spend an entire day putting on shoes. But, when it came to picking up a single toy, she was helpless... tired.... "I caaaan't". Sixteen years later, and she still doesn't pick up anything.

Like I said, focus on the important things before school starts. Because teachers certainly don't have time to dress students, so the only one who will suffer will be your daughter.

You still have over a month to work on these skills. She will be just fine. All she needs to know is "I have to do this myself at school" and you will be amazed at how well she will do.

I hope she enjoys kindergarten. It was such a fun year!

[tanyam926]

Don't beat yourself up about it, it's happens a lot more w/the first than w/the others.

Can you try to encourage her to start doing those things that she will need to do by herself at school? Encouragement, and feeling like a big girl goes a long way.

[mamazee]

Aaah my dd was like this. I bought elastic-waist pants that were as easy to pull up as I could find, and though she couldn't handle it at home, she somehow managed at school. She still has some trouble wiping her butt and she's 7, but she seems to hold the poop until she gets home.

Anyway, the timing is bad as she'll associate it with the new baby, but you might have her try to do some of this anyway. Actually, there won't be much choice as you won't always be available to pull up her pants all the time anyway. My guess is she'll be fine by school. I wouldn't stress too much. You've got bigger issues!

[bu's mama]

Don't sweat it - just start now. I agree with pp that said the teachers won't do anything regarding touching your child. I work in an elementary school & the no touch thing is a *big* deal.

For yourself - make a list of all the skills you'd like her to accomplish before going to school. I would stress to your dd that starting school is a time to do some things on her own like (whatever is on your list). Involve her in choices of clothes...my dd picks out her clothes the night before & praise & gratefulness will help build her confidence. For dd I'd say things like it was a big help that you got dressed all by yourself or I like what you picked out to wear. It definitely depends on the child & I'm careful not to overpraise. I'm big on me & dd being a team to make the house run smoothly & she responds well to that. She has a list of things she needs to do each morning before school as a reminder. Or teach her some cool things like laying her coat on the floor & flipping it over to get it on.

Also, I think a pp mentioned about them becoming more competent when they are around other kids & it's definitely true.

Relax - & good luck with the birth of your new LO.

[Rosedotcom]

Maybe you can get her a couple new school outfits and have her practice trying them on and make it fun.

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

Well, in all the schools around here, the teacher is NEVER, ever allowed to help with any toileting at all. Even if she wets her pants, the teacher can't go into the bathroom and help her. The teacher can't even go in the bathroom. So, your daughter needs to learn to completely pull her own pants up. (If she has an accident, they send her to the nurse to change clothes, but even the nurse can't dress her.. so they will call you to come do it)

Also, the teachers here are not allowed to tuck in shirts, or buckle belts for them either.

That's crazy. I'm a teacher and wouldn't be able to teach kindergarten in a school district with those rules.

That being said, your DD will figure it all out. Make it a practice for going to school thing and eventually she'll get it.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by Polliwog

That's crazy. I'm a teacher and wouldn't be able to teach kindergarten in a school district with those rules.

REALLY? I know that in both districts in my area, the teachers cannot dress the kids, or help them in the bathroom.

[Bug-a-Boo's Mama]

Wow! While I can understand the reason for those rules w/teachers, it is also sad. Not being able to help the child at all? I wonder how many parents know these things beforehand? Maybe that's why you don't see as many overalls in bigger kid sizes?

To the OP, I think that if you work on it, your DD will have it down or close to it by the time school starts. Maybe she can develop the love of dresses and skirts? That would make going to the restroom super easy. And if you need shorts underneath, just a simple elastic waist pair underneath.

[eepster]

Don't worry, once she is at school she will start doing it.

I find DS's "ability" level in dressing himself to be directly proportional to his motivation level. Most of the time he claims to be incapable of doing it, but today when he wanted to go to a certain toy store and spend some money had, he dressed himself head to toe while I got myself ready to go.

Fitting in with others and pleasing the teacher tend to be very motivating for most 5 yo girls (yes, sometimes peer pressure is a good thing.) I would expect that she would be doing it herself in no time at all.

Just go over it all with her a few times, but don't stress if she won't do it at home. At home she has you, and convincing you to do stuff for her is comforting. DS is much more independent at school than he is at home.