Chat Thread July 19-25 - Page 3

[CookAMH]

Hey all, just jumping in. I'll try to catch up soon!

I'm feeling kind blah tonight as I'm contemplating the end of Ezra's birth and keep thinking that I think he would have come down my pelvis if I had gotten an epi and rested a while instead of opting for surgery. I know I can't go back, and I can't know what could have been...I regret pushing so soon when I didn't have the urge since it wore me out and wasn't that productive. I just have this thought that I would have been one of those women where the epi did the trick and allowed a vaginal birth relatively quickly after resting. Sigh.

[LiLStar]

Thats really a tough one I just went back through old posts to find your birth story to refresh my memory. Its kinda weird to process, isn't it? It wasn't an emergency, but it also wasn't the typical hospital cascade of interventions. Thats what my first was like. You do all the "right" things to have a good birth, but so much is left up to luck. Malpositions suck. Don't let anyone ever tell you he was too big, either! Is there an ICAN chapter near you?

[lightheartedmom]

Originally Posted by CookAMH

Hey all, just jumping in. I'll try to catch up soon!

I'm feeling kind blah tonight as I'm contemplating the end of Ezra's birth and keep thinking that I think he would have come down my pelvis if I had gotten an epi and rested a while instead of opting for surgery. I know I can't go back, and I can't know what could have been...I regret pushing so soon when I didn't have the urge since it wore me out and wasn't that productive. I just have this thought that I would have been one of those women where the epi did the trick and allowed a vaginal birth relatively quickly after resting. Sigh.

Alicia - that's tough. I have a friend who's going through a similar situation, although, she's the one who opted for the epi earlier on and did deliver vaginally. But she pushed for three hours total and it's beginning to sound like two of those hours she was not fully dilated so she was badly swollen and ended up with absolutely horrific tearing (her doc said it was the worst he's ever seen).

I had a difficult experience with the birth of my first daughter, and I'm still processing all of it (she just turned three)...but ultimately (as much as I HATE it when women say this because I do believe that birth matters), you have your sweet, precious, healthy boy, you are not injured from your surgery and God willing, you'll have a chance to put to use all you learned the first time around in your second birth (whenever that may happen). I think it's sad that the first birth seems to be such a rough learning curve for so many women (myself included!! I wish I'd known more then!), but, it just is sometimes...

And on a technical note...maybe you did do this, but I learned w/ Chloe's birth that doing DEEP, wide-stance squats will drop that baby way fast. SHe was up pretty high until DH reminded me I'd put that in my "notes" for him to suggest. Boy did they ever do the trick. I was frightened by how quickly I felt her move down once I started doing those. So...make a note of it for next time. And go kiss your little baby. He's in your arms and safe and healthy and that does count for oh so much.

And I second Lilstar's recommendation to look into ICAN. I haven't had a c-section, but I've looked at their stuff and it seems like they do some amazing work for moms post-cesarean.

On another front - any of you mommies suffering from migraines? I've had them off and on since I got pg with Chloe, but today, it seems like it's especially awful and with new kinds of pain (stabbing, make-you-wince-and-maybe-drop-stuff kind of pain, in the back of my head). I'm hoping it's just a hormonal thing, but even advil and caffeine (which is typically the magic combo for me) hasn't helped. Any ideas or advice?

[CookAMH]

Thanks for the encouragement. As I've thought more about it since last night, it seems crystal clear now that I shouldn't have started pushing when only 9cm. That is when the course changed from an excellent labor to a labor headed toward a cesarean. DH recalls hearing the nurse disagree with my m/w's suggestion to do that. I think the end was rushed, and had more time been given for him to come down (perhaps with some deep squats like Laura mentioned) he would have come down. It had only been 13 hours at that point, not long at all. I can't change it, but it teaches me for next time.

My m/w, at my 6 week pp visit, said some pelvises are just not shaped right and can be oval. That broke my heart thinking that he really didn't fit through...but I don't believe that now, she can't know that (and admitted it but why plant the seed??) and I believe it was just too early to push and I wore myself out since I had no help from my body. The ctx were intense so that would have been pretty hard to continue, but who knows how long it would have been till he came down. I recall birth stories of 3 hour transition (I was two hours in after 8cm) but with successful birth.

Hindsight is 20/20 and while I wish I could go back, I'm SO thankful that we have no known issues from the surgery. I am praying hard that God will give me a VBAC for all our other kids. It helped me to analyze it this way because I previously felt like I failed from tiredness and he couldn't fit. That was defeating. But now, I realize that had I declined pushing and remembered all the birth stories I read, I probably could have had a vaginal birth at the birth center. It's sad, but it's freeing.

[OceansEve]

cookamh - don't second guess yourself just look forward to the vbac. I beat myself up bad after DD1's birth, trust me not worth it, doesn't do a bit of good

migraines - ugh! yes.. bad more so than I think I've ever had them. I even took tylenol for it a couple days and I never use meds for anything. If you figure out a way to make them go, please let me know, lightheartedmom.

[lil_miss_understood]

Cook Don't be so hard on yourself. You did everything you knew to do at the time and now you know differently. I've seen it said on these boards many times: When we know better, we do better. I will be anticipating your VBAC story when that time comes (assuming you want more than one).

Migraines: the ones I got after DS2 were caused by hypothyroidism.

[~Katie~]

Cook. I agree that finding a local chapter of ICAN or visiting the Yahoo group will help a lot.

Had a great visit with my brother, he and my SIL and niece were here since Thursday and left today. It was sad to see them go. I think DS had an older sister in another life, they had so much fun playing together.

In other news, AF started today You'd think I'd get a longer break while nursing two kids but no such luck, she's not even 3 months yet. I got 5 AF-free months after DS was born. Apparently my body enjoys being fertile. DH's R&R got bumped up too, he'll be home at the end of August :

[OceansEve]

Originally Posted by KatieJD

Apparently my body enjoys being fertile.

thanks for the laugh. I'm so happy for you that he will be home soon! :

My body is leaking stuff again. I POAS wednesday it was - thank goodness, but I am still getting pg symptoms, I'm really confused. I am at the lowest weight I've seen in 4 years! : 197 I don't want to get pg again till I reach 160

[CookAMH]

Originally Posted by KatieJD

DH's R&R got bumped up too, he'll be home at the end of August :

:::::

[~Katie~]

I was wrong, he's LEAVING at the end of August. He probably won't actually get into the US until September. He needs about a week of travel time so anywhere from late August to early September he'll get here. I'm still super excited. My brother and I were talking and its really hard for me to fathom the fact that he'll actually be home from this deployment for good right before Laine's first birthday. I look at her as such a tiny little person now and I still can't believe he's going to miss so much. I just hope she adjusts easily to having two parents once he's home because she's already so much more attached to me than DS was since he had two parents to meet his needs.

[j_p_i]

Jumping in - I find it so hard to keep up anymore! I check in daily, I just don't post very often.

Alicia! Don't beat yourself up.

Katie, how exciting! August is nearly here, the time will surely go by fast and you'll be seeing your DH in no time :

We're doing well here, Olivia is 8 weeks today! I cannot believe how big she's gotten so quickly. I'm not sure what she weighs now, but she gained 3lbs 2 ounces in the first month/5 weeks. She's already outgrown all her x-small diaper covers, glad I only bought 3! My cousin is a photographer, and came over to take Olivia's pictures last week. I'll post them when she sends me the disk!

In other news, I seem to have plateaued at 30lbs weight loss. Gained about 50, so still feeling like I have a long way to go. I try to get walks in, but it's been a rainy summer here! I also try to do an exercise video, so hopefully I'll start losing again soon.

Hope everyone else is doing well

[Asher]

So sorry about your kitty, Canboo.

[jeliphish]

is anyone getting phantom period cramps? I didn't get AF until DD1 was 10 months old. This time, I am having horrible cramps and feel like I'm going to start my period. It is soooo painful and tylenol is not helping in the least bit

[Punchy Kaby]

Hi everyone! I have been away for awhile, miss you all! Dd is 11 weeks and is growing so fast. She is very smiley and easy going. She has been teething a bit. She and DH are having a rough time. I started working a few weeks ago and she doesn't like to take a bottle. He gets very frustrated and will just let her cry for hours. It makes me so angry, he is not trying to get to know her. Today I sent her to the babysitter instead of being home with dh. Dh also complains about sleep deprivation, he gets at least as much or more than me. GDR. And he isn't working. And no we have not DTD. I need to get my iud. I am so scared of getting pregnant. Have not gone go get sheepskin condoms allergic to latex.

[Auraji]

Cook, Im sorry you've been feeling that way. I can relate, I still look back and regret getting the epidural when I was already fully dilated (I didnt know, but I wish I had made them check). I know it's pointless to look back and feel like that, but we can help it. I think what we need to think is that our babies are fine, we're fine and enjoy what we have now. Even when we plan, things just happen.

Katie, Im excited that your DH will be home sooner than expected :

I got mad with DP the other day, I went out for a walk at night and when I came back I found with Sophia sitting in his lap, super close to the tv and he says "She wanted to watch tv"
He told me that I was weird when I told him that I didnt think such young babies should be watching tv and that she wasnt gonna turn into a tv junkie overnight. I just told him, well Im a weird person and I dont want her to watch tv. Now it's easy for me to understand why dss needs to have the tv on 24/7
Sometimes I really worry about me and DP having such different parenting styles. I mean, he's ok with whatever I decide, he always says "you're the mom", but still... specially as Sophia grows, I feel she'll notice that we parent her and her brother in different ways and I think that will be confusing and might cause conflict, but Im getting ahead of myself.

[OceansEve]

I think partner issues are normal following a birth. This has probably been our smoothist transition yet and we still had a screaming fight about a week ago. I think its a combo of sleep deprivation and stress, because no matter who you are a new baby definately brings a bit of stress into the house

I made my first cloth diaper today!! : pic here Its not perfect, but for flying by the seat of my pants I'm proud! BTW I am not a seamstress (sp?)

DD2's diarhea has officially stopped!!! (knock on wood) so now we will slowly add back corn, eggs, and wheat till we figure out which one!! And if none of those react then we know its soy. BTW DD3 turns out is allergic intolerant to milk and soy. So we finally have some answers! Its awesome!

I hope everyone else is having a great start to the week!!

[CookAMH]

I'm very impressed with your cloth diaper!

I agree with not being too hard on myself. I AM glad though that I realized what i did b/c it took me from feeling bad about him not fitting or me wearing out to feeling that I COULD have done it and I CAN do it in the future if I just give my body time and let it do its thing.

We're going to KS tomorrow for a week to see Ryan's family. A two day road trip (14 hrs normally) with Ezra! We'll see how it goes. We are stopping overnight with some friends in Indiana.

[~Katie~]

Awesome job on the diaper! As a diaper seamstress, I can tell you that I had some really atrocious first attempts at sewing diapers until I got the hang of it. You did an excellent job!

[AustGirl]

Auraji - we have a little 7 week old tv addict in our house too! We were at my FIL's place and he has a huge tv, so it was hard for my DS to miss. Now he's realised that there's one in our house too (not as big though), he's glued to it. And computer screens. I refuse to have a tv addict!! It's got to stop before it gets too bad.

Well we just got back from the baby clinic. I still have not managed to have a single pain-free breastfeed with Kynan since the day he was born. So the LC watched us feed and had a look at him. She's the first to say that he has a deep tongue tie, and has referred us to a speech therapist.

I'm glad that there's a good reason why I have so much nipple pain, but if the solution is to snip his mouth? I'll put up with it! The thought of hurting my little boy makes me want to cry!

[Punchy Kaby]

Alright, now I can catch up! I was at work before and had to post quickly. Dang it, DH made it so I can't use smiles. Grrr.

Canboo-sorry to hear about your kitty, hope things are better today! We have a sick kitty right now, he has a large mass in his stomach. Treatment is consisting of steroids and antibiotics. He is 12 or 13 and they discussed surgery with us but we are not going to spend thousands of $.

Katie-Boo for AF. Yeah for your DH being home soon for R & R! I forgot you sew diapers. I have been busy building my stash and have spent many hours on diaperswappers, one of the reasons I have not been here much. I love CD now, wish I had continued when DS was little. Awesome diaper Oceanseve!

Alicia-you are having normal feelings about the birth. It took me a couple of years to work through my first. It wasn't really until I was pregnant again this time and reading/working through Birthing from Within that many issues got taken care of. And yes, a healthy baby is important, but so is the birth. I found that most people do not want to hear about the birth, except for pregnant friends or friends that have recently been pregnant. It is such a life changing event to gloss over. Maybe if we as a society talked about it more women would realize that 'normal' birth isn't going how it should and could be so much better.