Suicide Survivors~loved ones who died by their own hand - Page 2

[marimara]

Originally Posted by Nora_SEA

I'm so very sorry to read these stories.

I came here tonight to possibly gain some insight into what to say and do when someone close to you loses someone close to them to suicide. A dear friend of mine lost her son last night. While it's not a complete shock to hear...he's been talking about it for a couple months, admitted himself to a program for addiction and then promptly checked himself out and was even more sure of carrying out his intentions. He leaves behind a 7 yo son who adores him. My friend is basically in the fetal position and crying all the time. She cannot talk yet. She has to make a long distance trip soon since he lived a great distance from her. I cannot imagine what it feels like to lose a child. No matter the circumstances. Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't do it justice, and it's not something that can be fixed. What are some nice gestures in this situation? I am at a loss.

: There were two books helpful to me at the time. Touched by Suicide and Anger (Thich Nhat Hanh). But at the very beginning I was most helped by a journal to write thoughts in and just having time to sort things out. Maybe help with the small things, dishes, cooking, cleaning. You're a very nice friend.

[HarperRose]

My aunt killed herself during my pregnancy w/ my youngest. July 27th 2007. Her husband's birthday, 2 days before their divorce was finalized.

She was unmedicated bipolar.

I posted about it here and received a LOT of support. (Thank you, everyone!)

She left behind her husband who didn't want the divorce and 2 beautiful daughters who were 16 & 18 at the time.

[lil_miss_understood]

I lost my best friend to suicide a year ago today.
I phoned his ex to ask how his daughter is. They spent the day out where his memorial service was held. We've hardly seen her since he passed. His DD and my DS1 were best friends too.
Hurting, as I'm sure everyone on this thread recognizes and sympathizes all too well.
RIP dear friend.

[Nora_SEA]

Originally Posted by marimara

: There were two books helpful to me at the time. Touched by Suicide and Anger (Thich Nhat Hanh). But at the very beginning I was most helped by a journal to write thoughts in and just having time to sort things out. Maybe help with the small things, dishes, cooking, cleaning. You're a very nice friend.

Thanks. She has finally started to journal. She refused at first because she didn't want to remember what she was feeling. Yesterday was the roughest day yet. She isn't allowing herself to be happy or laugh or be distracted by watching a movie or anything like that yet. I know she'll feel joy again. I miss my friend and my heart is breaking for her.

[Ifluffedthree]

My mother took two bottles of pills. They revived her but she died of the complications a few days later. I was 4. I am 45 and to this day I can still describe in detail the scene in our home as they took her out, the color and placement of the furniture and who rode in the ambulance with her. It is many many years, and to this day, it has continued to remain a different form of grief than others who have passed.

My beautiful husband died Jan 06. He was bipolar, depressed and struggled with cocaine addiction and sobriety. He was kind, loving, sensitive, creative, a skilled International Craftsman, incredibly loving father who adored his children and a good partner.
While the death, after almost six months in autopsy was ruled an accidental overdose I still to this day don't know if he was trying. The last thing he said on the phone to me is
"B, I just want you to know I really do love you".
I had the police kick the door in to find him dead the next day.

To date I just don't know in my heart for sure and it haunts me more than I like to admit.

I am sorry for all those here sharing. HUG

[HarperRose]

Ifluffedthree, I am so sorry.

[Ifluffedthree]

Originally Posted by HarperRose

Ifluffedthree, I am so sorry.

Thank you.

[theretohere]

My partner and DD1's father committed suicide 6 years ago this September. I was 18 and pregnant at the time.
I'm so sorry for all the other stories on this thread- suicide is really devastating.

[Barbamama]

As my husband's birthday approaches I'm finding myself sooooo sad. He would have been 40 this year.

[HarperRose]

Originally Posted by Barbamama

As my husband's birthday approaches I'm finding myself sooooo sad. He would have been 40 this year.

I'm sorry.

[Towgirl]

My husband died by suicide March 2008. We were seperated- he was bipolar, and brought his girlfriend home one night and told me she was moving in. After 6 years, I couldn't take anymore- I left. Three months later, he texted me at 6:30 in the morning and was gone by 9am.

He left behind a daughter and a son.

I wish I could hug all of you <3

[catlvr976]

Just found this after having been off this site for some time.

My h hanged himself 2 years ago in July. I was in the process of leaving him (he was abusive) and I believe that once he was served with the pfa, he killed himself.

I've had to deal with his family (who were pretty much estranged from him at the time of his death) and friends saying that I was the reason he killed himself. At first, it was so hurtful, but now, I ignore them. I know what my kids and I went through, they don't. I've learned to not let those who choose to live in total ignorance get to me. I try to protect my kids, though...kind of hard to do when his mother, out of revenge, took me to court for grandparent's rights.

Sometimes, I wish he could come back to life just so I can punch him for leaving me to deal with his "wonderful" family.

[Barbamama]

Catlvr, I had the same experience after my husband's suicide (he chose to hang himself, too). I've concluded that after I left with DD, he had no one to turn his anger on except himself. His family and friends acted horribly to me, made a ruckus with the police and coroner trying to implicate me in his death. Like you can make someone hang himself?

And not one of them bothered to ask how the baby was doing, how I would manage to feed her, what we would do. Just accusations and recriminations for failing to save an untreated alcoholic, drug abusing, probably bipolar, personality disordered, physically and emotionally abusive man from killing himself.

I loved him, and we miss him. He would have been 40 this coming Tuesday, and I'm sort of a mess about that. But like you, I am absolutely unapologetic for deciding to leave to keep DD (and myself) safe from him when it was clear that he couldn't control his rage any longer.

Many to you, and to everyone on this thread.

[Noelle C.]

I need to type up a post about what happened since I've been having a bit of depression about it. My dad shot himself. When I say I'm a suicide survivor, it's pretty literal. His last words to me were, "I'm going to shoot you, I'm going to shoot your mother," with the gun aimed at me. Colt 45, hair-trigger, loaded with hollow points. I saw him check. He ended up only shooting himself that night.

[Noelle C.]

Also, his family blamed me fore not taking the bullet instead. I'm just a female, I'm dispensable.... Patriarchal and back-assward.

[Juvysen]

I'd like to join in, but...

well, my friend's death (last month) is being called a suicide, and it may well be, but there were some strange circumstances surrounding her death and a very uncommon method, so I guess I'm not sure... the police are still investigating, afaik, but honestly, I doubt I'll ever know either way, and the result is the same, to me, I guess. Reading what you all have written helps me understand what I'm going through. My condolences to you all.

[Noelle C.]

Originally Posted by Juvysen

I'd like to join in, but...

well, my friend's death (last month) is being called a suicide, and it may well be, but there were some strange circumstances surrounding her death and a very uncommon method, so I guess I'm not sure... the police are still investigating, afaik, but honestly, I doubt I'll ever know either way, and the result is the same, to me, I guess. Reading what you all have written helps me understand what I'm going through. My condolences to you all.

The sister of a friend of mine killed herself under circumstances that don't indicate suicide either. A hole in the door, bruises, and her boyfriend's belt around her neck, among other things. My friend and his mom would have to pay out of pocket to get it re-investigated, even though some of this info wa withheld the first time around.

The shock of an unexpected death by the hand of...someone...is always hard.

[Ifluffedthree]

I was in a conversation today with the father of the birthday girl who's party my sons were attending. We were talking about the difference between a tragic/sudden/suicidal loss and grief in general.
At the same time there was,
another guest ( a Grandmother) that was there with her grandchildren. They had just lost their mom 6 months ago in a horrible car accident. I could feel and see her pain behind her smile -- it was creepy how much I could feel as I watched her. Eventually she was crying, which sorta confirmed what I thought I was feeling in the busy room. I just wanted to go to her and hug her.

Anyway. I was having lots of feelings today. My anniversary is in a few weeks and my husbands 40 birthday follows shortly after.

I came to read here today and read all the new stories that were shared.

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that so many here are so greatly impacted by such tough circumstances surrounding the death of a loved one. Sending prayers for peace up for you all now.

HUG

[mamefati28]

I just returned from a gathering for my oldest childhood friend who died. Although we had not been close for a long time we had a very long history and our families were very connected. The last time I spent time with her was last Christmas, we both had nursing toddlers and spent a couple of hours talking about motherhood and our love of nursing and being lactavist. It was a wonderful time spent. She hung herself last week and leaves behind a husband and a little one. I cannot imagine the pain she must have been going through to leave behind a child. Mental health issues/medication seemed to be the cause. I feel so bad for her family and especially her child.

[theretohere]

Just wanted to share that this week my husband will be finalizing his step parent adoption of my DD1- just a day off from the anniversary of her bio father's suicide. It's a really bittersweet week right now.