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Suicide Survivors~loved ones who died by their own hand - Page 3

post #41 of 61
Noelle, that's awful. I'm so sorry.

Theretohere

I need to get this out. I hope nobody minds.

I was remembering my aunt Jane this week. Where I was when I got the news, what I needed at that moment, how my dh was NOT supportive, and basically all the events of that time.

My mother called to tell me. I was grocery shopping. She kept asking if I was ok, I should sit down, etc. I thought it was something ridiculous and she was being overly cautious. She wouldn't tell me until I assured her I was fine. I was standing in the grocery aisle trying to decide on what jelly to buy.

When I hung up the phone, I called my dh and told him I needed him to come get me. I couldn't handle being alone. For some reason, he was NOT supportive AT ALL and I was quite irritated with him over that. I needed him to come and be with me so I could not be alone. I needed him to help me finish the grocery shopping. I told him this and said, "Please come. I need you."

We live 1 mile from the grocery store. He kept calling and telling me how he couldn't get the kids to put their shoes on, he couldn't get them to cooperate, they wouldn't get dressed, etc. I DON'T CARE!!! Put them in the car barefoot, for all I care!!! I need support! Quit calling me and griping about stupid, inane CRAP. My aunt just KILLED HERSELF. SHE IS DEAD. I do not need to hear you whine and complain at me about ANYTHING.



He finally showed up, as I was finishing up the grocery shopping. It was about a half hour or so after I called him. I felt like doing the grocery shopping would help keep me from falling apart.

We paid and went home. I just can't believe how UNsupportive he was. So irritating.

But besides all of that, when I think of the day I got the call that aunt Jane had killed herself, I *always* remember how I forgot to buy the jelly that day.

What a random thing to remember. The jelly.
post #42 of 61
My boyfriend hung himself in 2004. It took me years to move through that agony back into the light.

I'm sorry to belong to this tribe, and even more than that I wish none of you were here either, but as long as we share this terrible bond I'm glad to know you.
post #43 of 61
November 10, 2003, my dad's last words to me were, "I'm going to shoot you, I'm going to shoot your mother," with a hair-triggered Colt .45 loaded with hollow points aimed at me. Somehow I knew this was not a...what's a better word for joke. I knew he meant it. I knew someone was going to die that night.

He shot himself instead of me or my mom. My first thought on seeing his brains was to wonder why there was bread with spaghetti sauce all over the place.

Not even a full year before this, a friend left a party happy, and was found dead four hours later, gunshot to the head.

This crap sucks. Life fell apart since then. A normal family life seems a lifetime away.
post #44 of 61
I overlooked my own earlier reply to this. Oops. Still, I get the feeling my baby will be born on his death date or the day after, so it's been hard lately.
post #45 of 61
Thread Starter 
to everyone that's posted here. I'm the OP. I've been reading everything, just not responding to everything.

NoelleC: I know how you feel. Everything does seem to suck sometimes. Ever since my mom killed herself our whole family has gone downhill. My sister's marriage fell apart, her bipolar seems manageable for the moment, but on the one year anniversary of mom's death my sister tried to kill herself with pills and ended up in the psych ward for 3 days.

What she did will haunt me for the rest of my life. And the rest of my family too. She left an indelible mark on us, it's just a cloak of sadness. I sound angry and I'm really not as angry as I sound. I do forgive her. I mostly just feel really sorry for her that her life got that bad that she felt that was her only way out.
post #46 of 61
Marimara, I 100% understand. Things fell apart so suddenly and drastically that I'm still trying to accept it all. Life in the "long, long ago" seems like someone else's memories.
post #47 of 61
hi guys. im a suicide survivor too. my mother committed suicide when i was 15y/o. she overdosed on lithium and wellbutrin after battleing for several years with depression. i think what makes it so hard for a suicide survivor is that there is just no closure. i remember the next day when i woke up i just expected to see my mother drinking coffee at the kitchen table like every other morning. it just hits you like a ton of bricks and never really subsides. to this day i will think ive got to call my mom about something or w/e and its like o wait she died almost 7 years ago. its crazy really.
my sister is bipolar too...she has attempted suicide about 15 times since she was 11. but something always happens (usually i find her) so that she cant quite get there. she is doing a lot better these last two years though. When my mom died it impacted my family a great deal as well. my father couldnt deal and he just left. he ended up disowning me and giving me up to the state. my sister was a mess and went to a home for about a year, and my brother just changed completely. my grandmother completely lost it and went insane, then she sudden dementia kicked in and she doesnt even know who i am now. so i can relate...
post #48 of 61
also for those of you who actually found the person i can relate to you as well. my sister and i found my mother still alive, she was making a weird noise and was "sleeping" with her head down in the pillow. my sister called me to check on her and we turned her over. she was seizing but we didnt know that, but her eyes were bugged and her face was ashy. my sister ran away and i called 911. my sis had locked herself in my brothers room and i had to do everything the 911 operator was telling me. needless to say i am extremely haunted by the things i saw and had to do to try and save her. i was way too young to see the things i saw. my mother ended up spewing blood all over me and dieing in my arms. needless to say its not something i have "gotten over"
post #49 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarperRose View Post
Noelle, that's awful. I'm so sorry.

Theretohere

I need to get this out. I hope nobody minds.

I was remembering my aunt Jane this week. Where I was when I got the news, what I needed at that moment, how my dh was NOT supportive, and basically all the events of that time.

My mother called to tell me. I was grocery shopping. She kept asking if I was ok, I should sit down, etc. I thought it was something ridiculous and she was being overly cautious. She wouldn't tell me until I assured her I was fine. I was standing in the grocery aisle trying to decide on what jelly to buy.

When I hung up the phone, I called my dh and told him I needed him to come get me. I couldn't handle being alone. For some reason, he was NOT supportive AT ALL and I was quite irritated with him over that. I needed him to come and be with me so I could not be alone. I needed him to help me finish the grocery shopping. I told him this and said, "Please come. I need you."

We live 1 mile from the grocery store. He kept calling and telling me how he couldn't get the kids to put their shoes on, he couldn't get them to cooperate, they wouldn't get dressed, etc. I DON'T CARE!!! Put them in the car barefoot, for all I care!!! I need support! Quit calling me and griping about stupid, inane CRAP. My aunt just KILLED HERSELF. SHE IS DEAD. I do not need to hear you whine and complain at me about ANYTHING.



He finally showed up, as I was finishing up the grocery shopping. It was about a half hour or so after I called him. I felt like doing the grocery shopping would help keep me from falling apart.

We paid and went home. I just can't believe how UNsupportive he was. So irritating.

But besides all of that, when I think of the day I got the call that aunt Jane had killed herself, I *always* remember how I forgot to buy the jelly that day.

What a random thing to remember. The jelly.
some people just dont know how to deal with it. i know my boyfriend has never been supportive when i am upset about my mom. his father died when he was 12 so in a sense he can relate and yet he still doesnt realize i need him even if i say it. i think especially for men they just cant deal with all the emotion and dont know how to help. he says it makes him uncomfortable. idk i met him 3 months after my mom died and we have been together ever since. we ended up living together at 16 so we certainly know eachother and are very comfortable with eachother nut still when i get sad about my mom hes not there for me. i learned to accept it...
post #50 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by anielasmommy09 View Post
needless to say its not something i have "gotten over"
And I doubt you ever will. I'm so sorry.

I called 911 when a friend OD'd on her mental health meds. Well, I kept her on the line and messaged dh to call for me, so he did. She's an MDCer, a good mama. I'm glad I was able to help her. She's done much better in recent years.

My dad attempted suicide a few years ago. I'm still not sure what to think about that. On one hand, I suspect some of it was for attention and not really wanting to die, and on the other I think there was a very real aspect to his desire for death.

His method was holey, at best. Certain things he would have known to be successful were not followed. I have no doubt that certain actions would have been successful had he done them "correctly."

There are still scars on his wrist.

He talked with me about it recently and my eyes welled up.

I tell my dh, because of this type of trauma in my life, "You can't die. Ever. I won't let you." It's sort of a joke because what control do I have, really, over someone's death? But it really gets my feelings across.
post #51 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by anielasmommy09 View Post
some people just dont know how to deal with it.
Yeah, I know you're right. He's gotten better in the last 2 years. Since my aunt's death we've also lost 2 close family friends, his own mother, and my great-great aunt died just last week. He isn't one who is close to extended family, so he doesn't understand that I AM. I have a large extended family and am close to many of them, but he doesn't get that. *shrug*
post #52 of 61
I am so sorry to those who have lost someone like this, it's a horrible way to loose someone.
I understand how hard it is, my beautiful eighteen year old sister Rachel shot herself in the head, on august 16th 2009. She was manic deppresive and this was her second attempt.
I think one of the many reasons it's hard becasue my mother had seven girls, but there is a big gap of about ten years between the three oldest and the four youngest, it was us against the world, She was the youngest of us, the one we should have protected, and yet we failed.
It hurts so much, because my sons loved her so much, and now they will never really know her, and my younger sister, just above her, was six months pregnant with her first, and is due here in a couple weeks, and Rachel won't be there to welcome her little niece into this world.
I'm angry at her, but I still love her, I miss her fiercly, but I'm trying to move on with my life, and every day I wonder what if. Somedays the emotions are raw, and I struggle and I'm still waiting for that day when I don't think her name, but I see light and hope at the end of this dark tunnel and I'm making my way towards it.
Thank the lord for my children, because without them I'm not sure I could have been this strong.
My heart goes out to every one else who has lost someone and though It's a awful reason to have a post I'm very glad it's here.
post #53 of 61
so dd is 2 m/o now and we just had thanksgiving without my mom, her babcha and christmas is right around the corner and i am more depressed than i have been in years. im so overwhelmed and i need my mom so much. of course its always hard this time of year but now its so much harder. i dont have any support at all for me and my lo and i know my mom wanted to be a grandmother more than anything else. this sucks
post #54 of 61
These stories are heartbreaking. I'm sorry, ladies.

My FIL committed suicide in 2003. He had just started a new job in another town, and my MIL had packed up the house. My DH and I (unmarried at the time) were packed up and ready to move in to their house once she left. We saw him that weekend, when we went out of town to wish my BIL well as he started a new job out of the country. We all saw him off, said goodbye to eachother, and that was that. We found out that he died that evening, as soon as we got back into town. His brother was told about his dad the minute the plane hit the ground, and instead of starting his new job, we spent three torturous days trying to get him home (he was in a remote area.) I don't want to share the details because I don't feel like that's my information to share, but I will say that it's the most profound thing that has ever happened to me, and clearly the most profound thing that has ever happened to his family.

We have come to terms with the fact that he was not himself, and we know that he would never have put his son through such a thing (being so far from home, all alone) if he had been in a healthy frame of mind. We also believe he thought he was doing the right thing, though we really don't know his reasons, and we never will. His family has healed in ways I never expected, though it never goes away.

I have strange memories that stick out as well, about that experience. As we drove to the police station (hours away) to see the coroner and recover his body, I remember telling myself - no, convincing myself - that it was an April Fool's Day prank. I really believed it for a little while, and in my head I had played out how much we'd all be angry with him for the inappropriate joke. I also remember going to the place where he was found, and looking out at this fishing spot, and there was a sign that said "take your remains and garbage with you" and I had a REALLY hard time not laughing my head off when I saw it. Now that memory creeps me out, but man, I thought it was his way of being funny, cause he was twisted like that.

Hmm. I hadn't thought about that in awhile. Anyway, I wish you all peace and strength. While I'm not sure I believe in "everything happens for a reason", I do believe in the potential for good to come from bad, even when it's not what we'd obviously choose for ourselves. I hope one day your stories help either yourselves, or others. I'm really sorry for your losses.
post #55 of 61
My BIL took his life last night. He had struggled with drug addictions. He had been clean for years, but was in a car accident about 1 1/2 years ago. Since then he has been on & off pain killers for various things. He got addicted again. He had just got home from a 1 week detox last week, but decided he just couldn't take it anymore. He called my sister at work & said he was sorry, he loved her but he couldn't do this again. She found him when she got home from work several hours later.

What make me the saddest is that my 2 yr old niece won't have a single memory of her dad.
post #56 of 61
I lost my sweet, hurting little brother on September 3, 2000.

He was 18 short years old.

Schizophrenia ruled his life. His easy way out consisted of a 12 gauge shotgun and his girlfriends bedroom.

RIP Craig. My brother, my friend. Always.
post #57 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciascl View Post
My BIL took his life last night. He had struggled with drug addictions. He had been clean for years, but was in a car accident about 1 1/2 years ago. Since then he has been on & off pain killers for various things. He got addicted again. He had just got home from a 1 week detox last week, but decided he just couldn't take it anymore. He called my sister at work & said he was sorry, he loved her but he couldn't do this again. She found him when she got home from work several hours later.

What make me the saddest is that my 2 yr old niece won't have a single memory of her dad.
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. My condolences.
post #58 of 61
post #59 of 61
Hugs to everyone who has posted here.

My mother took her life on April 17th 1972, just less than a month after my first birthday. My sisters (a lot older than me) got to stay with our father but I went into foster care and was then adopted. (Any surprise I have issues with trust and relationships?) I have survived my mothers suicide.
post #60 of 61
Tough reading. everyone.
My older brother committed suicide in '87 at 24 after years of undiagnosed manic depression and alcoholism. I found his body and that was a formative experience, all right. It really tore up our family. My mom nearly died in her car of carbon monoxide poisoning -- dad found her in time. It's pretty awful how suicide wrecks a family. I cannot imagine how it must be for small children whose parents choose this route.
I get very angry when suicides choose to kill themselves where loved ones will find them. I know they are in pain and have come to a place where it's difficult to think of others, but they need to think of their loved ones.
A friend of my then bf wanted to kill himself. He had it all planned out but needed to talk it out and, because of my history and because none of his friends could listen to him, I ended up talking with him for days and hours. It was a strange journey to walk to the brink with someone like that. He would only talk if I did not try to talk him out of it. He'd just hang up. So I listened. Still not sure it was the right thing.
Anyway for the bereaved: just be there to listen, don't try to force them to talk, and don't try to fill silences or talk about your own problems or tell them the person's in a better place... Just let them talk it out.
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