I am really at a BF-ing cross road

[DeChRi]

Hi,

My DD2 is almost 21 months. My DD1 nursed happily until around 4yo. DD2 was great outta the gate, but has gone down hill. She twiddles, twists, pulls, yanks, refuses to nurse without a tantrum if i don't have "Twoooooo" out at any time she wants to nurse. She switches sides every 6 seconds. I really am starting to resent the physical beating and invasiveness of this nursing relationship.

But she LOVEEES to nurse, lol. So do I just really put my foot down and let her nurse according to what I can handle, even if it means some real tantrums and anger? She is a STRONG willed kiddo, so there is rarely a thing like this that recitifies quickly. (I night weaned at 17 months and now 4 months later she still wakes up mad every single night asking to nurse,lol.)

Thanks,
Jo

[alegna]

I'd put my foot down on sanity limits. Dd was like that at times too (she wanted her hands on my neck- pinching, twisting, twiddling) and I let her nurse, but I'd block my neck.



-Angela

[eirual]

On days where DS just NEEDS the other (and I really do think that's it's hardwired in them, 'cause there's no way that you could say "just one" or "hands off, please" 7234143 times a day and it not sink in if there wasn't some primal urge behind it) I try to find a middle ground. For me, I can handle firm, constant pressure. If he must touch, I help him lay his hand flat across the nipple and leave it there (vs. twiddling) or at the very top of the breast. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I also try to think of women in other societies. Given that it's such an ingrained thing in children, clearly it's been happening for millenia and I try to go to a place or a mind set where other women must have been, and try to accept it...this can work for about 10 seconds before I get all crawly and can't take it anymore. Is there anyone who's okay with twiddling?? We should pick their minds if they exist.

Anywhoo, I'd say to try to find a middle ground. You help her do touches that are bareable for you or maybe you could stimulate milk production yourself, or try something else that's in your arsenal. I admit to at times saying to DS that "okay, but if you get mine then I get yours" and add some humour to the moment 'cause he obviously declines that deal and it can distract him and help him let it go and be content with the one that he has.

Oh, and you may already know this or have found this with your DD, but with my DS twiddling often means that it's time to switch sides. If she's twiddling alot, ask her if she's ready to switch. If your DD is switching every 6 seconds, maybe you could try compressions to help her get more milk or ask her to keep trying on just the one. Sounds like she's after MILK!!!! and lots of it as quickly as possible. Do you find you're making enough and staying well hydrated these days?