Talk to me about child abuse. - Page 2

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

I'm not Christian either, but whenever I hear this question, I always think about a philosophy class that I had. One question that we had to think about was "Can there be good without evil?"

This is an interesting question. I'll have to think about it. DH brought up the story of Omelas today - the town where everything could be great for everyone if they allowed one boy to be kept in a dungeon. Most people were okay with it but some couldn't handle it and left. I think about these philosophical dilemmas a good bit with good and bad/evil, but I've never considered one without the other.

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

I also believe that people have free-will. It sometimes feels like things are destiny, but that's just what we tell ourselves...we were "destined" to be with the person we love. We were "destined" to go to the store at exactly that time. People like that game and like to feel like they're important enough to have a pre-planned destiny. I don't think that anything is destiny.

This position is similar to my husband's view. He's always believed we create our lives and that no one is "supposed" to do anything. We've had this discussion over coffee for more than a decade, but I'm starting to come over to his side.

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

Can you think of nothing good that came from your abuse? Can you imagine a person who's never ever had pain in their life? What would this person be like? What would this person know? How would this person relate to other people? Would you really rather be that person?

I'm trying very hard to have something good come from my abuse. I really am, but I'm having a hard time with it. I told my mother, wasn't believed. My abuser went on to abuse at least 2 other people. Last year he was in an accident and is paralyzed. Talk about spiritual struggle because yeah, in a way that made me happy. At the very least, the possibility of him abusing another girl is very small.

[LionTigerBear]

I think that abuse doesn't happen because it is good. But one of the laws of nature that God set up is that everything must have opposition. You push something, it pushes back. Without evil, there is no righteousness. That kind of thing. And I believe that this earth, this life, is a testing ground. Not to see who is worthy of heaven or not, because I don't believe that getting to heaven is the whole point of everything. I think the whole point of everything is that we are God's children and heirs. He wants us to eventually become just as He is and have all the power He has. But we had to have this earthly test to help us grow spiritually, to practice wielding some degree of that kind of power and influence. We had always had free agency, even when we were with God before we came to earth, but without temptation (ie opposition), we didn't have the opportunity to exert our power of choice and influence to such a degree. I'm sure there will be other growth opportunities before we finally "grow up" spiritually to become like our Father in Heaven.

Baby crying, got to go!

[chaoticzenmom]

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades

Last year he was in an accident and is paralyzed.

While I don't believe in Destiny....I absolutely believe in Karma.

[genifer]

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
Last year he was in an accident and is paralyzed.

While I don't believe in Destiny....I absolutely believe in Karma.

Now, I dont believe in karma but I do believe in divine justice! And well, that would bring me a lot of joy too.

[cappuccinosmom]

Oh, I see. I was thinking more that God could spiritually stop someone with bad intent, if it was his desire/will to do so. He could give them a change of heart, as it were.

That would take away choice. And if he did it for one sin, why not for every sin? Which would go back to the problem of not having the freedom to choose.

[A&A]

Religions set men up to think that they are more powerful than the average human being. And that ego can fuel abuse. So, in some ways, religion is a vehicle of abuse.

[cappuccinosmom]

eh. Even atheists abuse. Or people who don't care one way or another about religion. Ego trips, power trips, and hurting others is not confined to people who practice religion of some sort.

[ThomasL]

I think God will not interfere with freewill as there are lot of nasty things humans have done to each other from the beginning to the present. I don't know what your soul path is so what I will say here is my general belief. I believe every soul comes to earth for a particular mission that they choose. In some cases they choose to experience going into a very tough situation as the tougher the life the greater the growth. This of course does not justify the actions of your abuser and of course everyone is responsible for their actions. Your abuser will one feel your pain and know exactly what it was like to be the victum because all life is interconnected and when a person hurts another they ultimately hurt themselves. No matter what you go through or what you have been through you will ultimatey be okay because there is a part of you that is pure spirit and that part of you is not only eternal but can never be damaged because that part of you is the son of God.

[annethcz]

I would strongly recommend the book When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner.

[VisionaryMom]

I am checking out all of the books you've recommended and have been looking at some other sources. My husband and I have been spending a lot of time talking about these issues, and I think it's largely about changing my philosophical/spiritual position on why the things happened to me did happen. I really feel better than I have in months (years, maybe) about my chances for long-term recovery and survival.

[genifer]

I am checking out all of the books you've recommended and have been looking at some other sources. My husband and I have been spending a lot of time talking about these issues, and I think it's largely about changing my philosophical/spiritual position on why the things happened to me did happen. I really feel better than I have in months (years, maybe) about my chances for long-term recovery and survival.

Brandi that is wonderful.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

eh. Even atheists abuse. Or people who don't care one way or another about religion. Ego trips, power trips, and hurting others is not confined to people who practice religion of some sort.

I didn't say all abusers are religious. I said religion fuels abuse.

[cappuccinosmom]

Anything can fuel abuse. Any philosophy or belief or abscense of belief.

It doesn't matter where, or in what era, or what one believes. There are some humans who will take what is available and twist it to serve themselves.

[genifer]

humans fuel abuse. It is humans who are abusers. Abusers of each other, animals, the planet, religion... Humans are abusers and fuel abuse. There is no other way to put it. What a blanket statement and a false one at that.

[lilyka]

amen

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by annethcz

I would strongly recommend the book When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner.

I was just going to post the same thing. It's helped me a lot thinking through my mother's abuse of me.