Over the past two months, our DD5 has been testing the limits of bedtime and sleep.
She is a highly spirited, intellligent little girl, essentially an only child (she has a 17 y.o. half brother who, as he has gotten older, stays over less and less). I am a SAHM and my husband has his office at home. In other words, she nearly always has us both nearby.
She was and has been an attached child, and we smoothly transitioned her to her own room (in a crib) around age 20 months. Likewise, shortly after turning 3 she transitioned smoothly to her "big girl bed" and at the same time I weaned her from her brief bedtime nursing session, the only one remaining, again easily.
It seems that no matter if she is well rested or over-tired bedtime is a 90 minute to two-hour affair. At a certain point last year she was falling asleep on her own, or with one of us in a chair (in her room) or in her doorway or just outside.
Then something happened -- I think it was my husband having to work late at his computer to meet critical dealines and my needing to keep her distracted from him so he could get this done -- and, merely to accomplish bedtime (without the drama she relishes), I got back into her bed, doing 20-minute massages or 12 stories or whatever it took to get her to sleep. At first it was me, now, more often than not, she is clamoring for Daddy. This goes against all the "commonly accepted 'wisdom'" but she is the type of child who loves to test limits, so the less "no" or "not now" at bedtime, the better, or we'll be up till midnight.
My Dh is now lamenting our "failure" at "teaching" her to self-soothe, while I remind him that she is surely such an independent, confident and strong willed (in the best sense) child because of being attached. But she used to fall asleep more quickly and now we seem to have no time to ourselves.
Also, while it used to be maybe once every two weeks that she burst into our room and dove into her bed, it is now nearly every night, anywhere between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. . While I have no problem with her in the bed, my husband cannot fall back asleep because she constantly rolls into him. And so, we both have to walk her back to her bed (she will not "listen" to me when she is clamoring for Daddy) and then I stay with her until she is back asleep or sometimes I just end up sleeping the rest of the night there.
What kind of gentle and effective approach can we take? Rewards through praise seem to mean nothing to her (though we are always giving it to her).
I would love to have some feedback from anyone who has gone through this experience with a spirited child at this age. Thanks so much!
She is a highly spirited, intellligent little girl, essentially an only child (she has a 17 y.o. half brother who, as he has gotten older, stays over less and less). I am a SAHM and my husband has his office at home. In other words, she nearly always has us both nearby.
She was and has been an attached child, and we smoothly transitioned her to her own room (in a crib) around age 20 months. Likewise, shortly after turning 3 she transitioned smoothly to her "big girl bed" and at the same time I weaned her from her brief bedtime nursing session, the only one remaining, again easily.
It seems that no matter if she is well rested or over-tired bedtime is a 90 minute to two-hour affair. At a certain point last year she was falling asleep on her own, or with one of us in a chair (in her room) or in her doorway or just outside.
Then something happened -- I think it was my husband having to work late at his computer to meet critical dealines and my needing to keep her distracted from him so he could get this done -- and, merely to accomplish bedtime (without the drama she relishes), I got back into her bed, doing 20-minute massages or 12 stories or whatever it took to get her to sleep. At first it was me, now, more often than not, she is clamoring for Daddy. This goes against all the "commonly accepted 'wisdom'" but she is the type of child who loves to test limits, so the less "no" or "not now" at bedtime, the better, or we'll be up till midnight.
My Dh is now lamenting our "failure" at "teaching" her to self-soothe, while I remind him that she is surely such an independent, confident and strong willed (in the best sense) child because of being attached. But she used to fall asleep more quickly and now we seem to have no time to ourselves.
Also, while it used to be maybe once every two weeks that she burst into our room and dove into her bed, it is now nearly every night, anywhere between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. . While I have no problem with her in the bed, my husband cannot fall back asleep because she constantly rolls into him. And so, we both have to walk her back to her bed (she will not "listen" to me when she is clamoring for Daddy) and then I stay with her until she is back asleep or sometimes I just end up sleeping the rest of the night there.
What kind of gentle and effective approach can we take? Rewards through praise seem to mean nothing to her (though we are always giving it to her).
I would love to have some feedback from anyone who has gone through this experience with a spirited child at this age. Thanks so much!
